Dumb Fuck Behind The Wheel

Okay I'm fucking pissed. Tonight I was watching the news, they were covering the recent dump of snow we just had, which by the way is pretty minimal yet the city was in shut down mode. Seriously 15 mm or about an inch and half of snow and buses shut down for the morning, schools were closed, the international airport had major delays, and even one of the sky trains had to stop for a few hours because there was too much ice and nobody seemed to know how to remove it.........BUT THAT'S NOT WHY I'M PISSED. Frankly I found all of that rather funny given that most of Canada has between 4 to 6 months of retarded fucking cold winters that make you pray for global warming.

What really pissed me the fuck off was this one story about this ass clown over on Vancouver island. Some 20 year old shit smear decided it would be a great idea even though the roads were icy and shit to do about 205 km/h that's almost double the speed limit on the island highway in good weather. And his excuse.....because he wanted to beat the oncoming snow.....WHAT A LOAD OF SHIT. The police couldn't even pursue this guy because the road conditions were too crappy for them and it would put the public in more danger, so they had to set up a road block to stop the guy. But you know what part of this really got on my nerves, it was the fact that this guy basically got a slap on the wrist. His punishment for putting dozens of peoples lives in danger was a $468 dollar fine, and the car he was driving WHICH WASN'T EVEN HIS was impounded for 7 days. Now they might be able in court to have the car removed from the owner and sold at an auction for charity but still what a load of shit.

If I gave some fucking psycho a gun and a handful of bullets and that fucker went on a shooting spree and killed some people I would go to jail for helping him. Sure I didn't actually kill anyone and wasn't there, but it would still be my gun. So why the fuck is this any different? Thankfully he didn't kill anyone but he could have very easily, and on that same highway 10 minutes after he was caught another car which was very similar even in color hit a logging truck and two people died, and they were obeying the speed limit. And yet this shit head walks away with a small fine.

If he had killed someone I guarantee you he wouldn't have been charged with murder, the ass clown who lent him the car who is probably as big of a fucking douche bag as the driver is would probably receive no punishment either. Personally I think both of these idiots should be dragged through the streets and beaten until some fucking sense is in them, and given that assholes actions, that could be a long fucking time.

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Ivanka Trump

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Grocery Store Nightmare

I FUCKING HATE SHOPPING. Yeah I said it I fucking hate it, I can't stand the lines, the screaming out of control kids and their vacant starring parents who are off in la la land. The aggressive little ole grannies who ran their carts into you're shins because they are in dire need of that TV dinner before Matlock comes on.......THE FUCKING SHOW HAS BEEN IN SYNDICATION FOR OVER A DECADE YOU OLD BITCH I'M PRETTY SURE YOU'RE NOT GOING TO MISS MUCH. Besides you'll probably just forget about it in five minutes anyway.
 
Now you may notice I'm a little more angry and bitter then usual in this post compared to my usual self, and that's because an image was burned into my soul today while grocery shopping at the nearest Safeway. An image of horror AND I'VE SEEN SOME SCARY ASS SHIT IN MY LIFE THUS FAR. Apart from the usual ass wranglers who I have to deal with when I go grocery shopping was this one fucker who was in front of me while I was in line to pay for my groceries that I spent forever trying to find because I didn't have the slightest fucking clue as to where anything was.

That image was of this old fucker in skin tight super short daisy duke shorts THAT WERE FUCKING WHITE, white like a damn 81 Trans Am rockin out to White Snake kinda white. Now I do not, I repeat DO NOT give a shit how fucking fabulous you're legs might be.............DUDES DO NOT WEAR TIGHT DENIM SHORTS. Oh and they do not bend over and expose their hairy ass crack to me while picking up change, the least you could have done you asshole is walk away........just walk away. The only dudes that wear these kind of shorts are usually out trolling for trouser snake and this dude was straight, why because his wife was right in front of him helping him unload the cart.

Now maybe this guy like many are caught in a time warp, perhaps his tiny little brain can't fathom the fact that it is not the year 1984 and that the Dukes of Hazzard isn't the number one TV show (though it's way fucking better then the garbage they call TV these days with all the reality shit) But even if he is WHERE THE FUCK IS HIS WIFE TO SLAP SOME SENSE INTO THIS FUCKER, is she challenged too? Was she drunk? Is she into that sort of shit? If that's the case, keep it in the bedroom you wrinkly fucks.

I do not need to see this shit, I have enough nightmares as it is, so please for the love of whatever god you believe in DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE UNLESS YOU'RE DRESSED NORMALLY. If I see another fucking dude in white daisy dukes I will stop what I'm doing no matter what it is, walk over and skull fuck you with some sort of blunt object......perhaps a spoon because it hurts more.

Now please excuse me while I crawl under my desk and cry.

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Alyson Hannigan

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Hello Kitty Bitches

I have a confession....I'm all for the Asian persuasion. I don't know what it is, perhaps it started when I saw my first movie that had Lucy Liu in it (I think it was City of Industry and she had a small part as a stripper) Or in high school with all the hot Asian girls walking around doing their thing. Either way and ever since I have been hooked (Fuck even my ex wife is Chinese).

But there is one group of Asian women that really piss me the fuck off and that's HELLO KITTY BITCHES. Now what's a hello kitty bitch you ask? The term comes from my ex and is defined a little something like this.

Hello Kitty Bitch:

A bitch who happens to be Asian, who dresses like she's Sailor Fucking Moon. Who giggles like a 12 year old who's between 18 and 45, can't give you a straight answer, and in general appears to a be a brain dead annoying, immature, and in general someone you won't think twice about hitting with a car.

Now I totally understand there are cultural differences between North America and it's Pacific Rim neighbours, and being in a city that has a very large Asian population I see this everyday (They don't call Vancouver Hongcouver for nothing fuckers) But fuck these bitches are annoying as fucking hell. Is it so fucking hard to act you're age and not you're shoe size? Is it so fucking hard to look me in the eye if I ask you a simple fucking question without giggling like a fucking raging moron? Can you not engage others in a meaningful conversation and SPEAK YOU'RE FUCKING OPINION without this beat around the bush bullshit? And can you not huddle in the middle of the fucking way while giggling like said raging fucking moron when others are trying to get around you............and don't give me this shit that you didn't see those people trying to walk around you're vacant starring asses.

My tolerance for stupid annoying fucktards is reaching record lows here people, and what makes it worse is that their Asian and on average attractive, it's like a catch 22 here. FFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK............now I'm sad :(

 My head hurts and I need to poop

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Lucy Liu

(Who else was I going to pick your mom?)

And if that picture wasn't enough for you

Pretentious Fucks

Okay I'm confused, now last time I checked I don't go out and act like a total perv or an asshole. I certainly don't go around in a trench coat and flash women and farm animals. And I certainly don't try to use lame cheesy pick up lines like "Don't turn this rape into a murder" or "You got a purdy mouth". So why the fuck is it that many of the women that I've run into in Vancouver have treated me like the anti-Christ?
This is what confuses me, I can be out doing whatever, such as taking my dogs out for a walk, getting groceries, or going for a run along the sea-wall, and at some point during this I either get dirty looks or in several cases get looked up and down and then get comments such as "Ewww" or "Ughhh as if"...........WHAT THE FUCK.

Did I do something that I'm not aware of? Do I stink or something, I don't fucking get it. I mind my own business, I don't bother people, and yet I get this bullshit treatment. I know that I'm not filthy fucking rich, and that I look like I've come in second place in a shovel fighting contest, but still I'm not being an asshole, so what the fuck gives? Is it because many people out here tend to lean towards being a selfish, money obsessed douche bag (I can't speak for the whole city but it seems that way in metro Vancouver) Is it because of the Hollywood influence with all the movies and shows that are shot out here where if you have a pimple you're considered fat and a diseased leper.

If that's the case, well I'm fucking sorry. I'm fucking sorry that I can't afford a Ferrari or other over priced sports car. I'm sorry that I don't own a giant fucking yacht that's parked out in the marina all year long and costs more to clean it's shitter then to buy a new SUV. I'm sorry that I don't have a fucking stock portfolio that you pay a broker or accountant to manage for you because you're too fucking stupid to do it yourself. And I'm sorry that my appearance isn't up to you're impossible to reach standards.

To those douche canoes out there who act like that GO FUCK YOURSELF AND PLAY IN TRAFFIC. You don't have to like me, shit yo don't to even acknowledge that I even exist, but you sure as fuck don't have the right to make shitty comments to me or when you think I can't hear you. I'm not perfect but at least I'm not a two faced pretentious asshole.
 
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Jessica Biel

 
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