Another Wonderful Experience At McDonald's

I tell you I could have a blog dedicated to all the shit and misadventures I have when I go to the McDonald's close to my place......THAT PLACE IS ROYALLY FUCKED UP.

Today I decided to get some breakfast from there, and since I haven't eaten their in awhile I thought I would treat myself to something. Now in my other posts about this particular McDonald's I've talked about fucked up customers who look like extras in a zombie movie, rude assholes who push and shove their way in order to get some fucking fries..........by the way to those assholes IT'S JUST FUCKING FRENCH FRIES GET YOU'RE PANTIES UN BUNCHED AND WAIT IN FUCKING LINE LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE THE WORLD DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND YOU'RE ASS EVEN THOUGH IT'S BIG ENOUGH TO HAVE IT'S OWN GRAVITATIONAL PULL........anyways getting back on topic here.

So I'm waiting in line and a couple people ahead of me are these two ass bags who look like they would enjoy an entertaining game of have you seen my baseball. One was leaning against the counter picking his nose and tapping his umbrella loudly on the floor, and his girlfriend, wife, first cousin, sister was doing fucked up ballerina twirls while placing an order all while stealing precious oxygen. And in case you are wondering no they didn't appear to have some sort of mental handicap other then being a complete fucking moron. If they were handicapped I wouldn't have written this post.

The guy behind the counter was getting frustrated because she couldn't make up her mind and her boyfriend (I assume he was her boyfriend because she kept calling him honey, or honey baby.....which would be really fucked up if they were brother and sister) couldn't make up their minds and kept changing the order after the guy punched it in. This meant he had to cancel the order and start from scratch, which gets REALLY FUCKING ANNOYING AFTER 4 OR 5 DOZEN FUCKING TIMES. Finally after about 5 minutes she picks something then turns to "Honey baby" and ask him what he wants as he has his finger shoved up his nose looking for nose gold to share with the townsfolk.

Instead of saying something clear like "I'll have the number whatever the fuck combo please" he fucking mumbles something that's so quiet and incoherent nobody can understand him....FOR TWO FUCKING MINUTES. Even his girlfriend couldn't understand a word he said until he finally got a little pissed off and spoke up.

After a minute or two their order arrives ready to go, now because fuck stick couldn't figure out just what exactly she wanted the order was fucked up...........BIG FUCKING SURPRISE ON THAT ONE. So what does nose miner do.... he starts grabbing bags, some of which are other peoples orders looking for his fucking pancakes or whatever the fuck he ordered, just what I'm sure everyone wanted fucking snotty hands touching everything and anything near his order (Thank fuck mine hadn't shown up yet)

He starts yelling at the one person behind the counter that he wants his whatever the item was and that it was suppose to be something else other than what was put in his bag. At this point even the two who were working behind the counter were swearing at each other and a massive lineup was forming as people tried to get breakfast before it switches over to their lunch menu. All of this could have been avoided if THEY HAD FIGURED OUT WHAT THE FUCK THEY WANTED BEFORE ORDERING..........is that really a hard concept to figure out? Is it so fucking hard to look at the menu board and ask yourself "Hmmmm what the fuck would I like to shove down my throat today? I know I'll have the number fucking whatever meal, with the side of greasy shit that I don't need to swallow because it'll slide down my throat.....and a diet cola"

But no instead they waste about 20 peoples time, cause a massive fight in front of the counter, get the staff yelling at each other (I'm sure the rest of their shift is going to be awesome after that) and contaminate 4 or 5 orders of food with snot covered fingers, I don't know about you but if somebody is picking their nose the last fucking thing I want is that hand to be anywhere near my food. I'm sorry but I am a little bit of a clean NAZI freak and I have to wonder when some asshole does that, what else have they done with their hands and have they washed them. Given the fact that they both smelt like vinegar, and dumpster in summer heat with a little bit of adult diaper for garnish, me thinks their hygiene standards are a bit low.

Fuck I need a drink

I decided to do something a little different on this post then my typical random hottie, and random video. I'm feeling the need to mix things up a little bit so I combined them into a little video of random hotties from previous posts. Let me know what you think and if you like it better I'll switch it up so that all the random hotties are short videos rather then a pic.

Religious Butt Fucks

First off I don't have a problem with people being religious. If you want to believe in God, Buddha, Allah, or the fucking lizard people who eat hamsters in a spaceship hiding behind the sun go fucking nuts I DON'T GIVE A SHIT. Do you're prayers, your chants, and sacrifice a goat for all I fucking care, just be respectful of others and don't push you're crap on me.

I'm not a very religious person, I do believe there are things out there beyond what we know or understand, I do believe there is a spirit world, and I do believe in good and evil, be it in people or something else. I believe in treating others with respect and trying to help people when you can. Apparently though this is not good enough for certain religious types I've ran into recently who think that my actions are going to get me a one way ticket on a jumbo jet bound for Hell. I'll probably end up with a really shitty seat, no in flight movie, and be stuck beside Hitler who's going to snore and pass out on my shoulder............fucking NAZI asshole that he is.

According to these fuckers because I don't believe in God or Jesus I'm a sinner and unclean........LAST TIME I CHECKED ASSHOLE I HAD A SHOWER.

This all started when a group of Jehovah's witnesses approached me on the street and tried to give me a brochure about their religion. I politely refused their cheap ass wipe pamphlet, at which point these fuckers thought they would have a long philosophical debate about religion with me. They asked me what I believed in, as if that's any of their fucking business, but being that they were at this point polite I thought what the fuck and told them my beliefs. There response was something like this " Well that's very interesting Mr. Wolf ....BUT YOU'RE WRONG" They then began to tell me at length about how I needed to accept the "true faith" or be dammed to Hell to burn for all eternity.

First off FUCK YOU who the fuck are you to tell me what to believe or not to believe you ignorant ass nuggets.

Second take you're ideas and shove them up you're ass so fucking far that it would take a team of engineers, and off shore oil well drillers to find it. There's a reason why nobody likes you and slams their doors in you're face when you show up to preach you're message...........it's because you think you're better then everyone else.

It's shit like this that makes me despise organized religion with a passion. It's not the religion itself I have a problem with, there are actually a lot of things written in religious books that are useful and can offer inspiration, it's the fucking ass clowns who get ahold of these books and start some bullshit ideology around them. They are so fucking closed minded because they think that God or whatever the fuck is only looking out for them and others like them................here's the joke assholes ALMOST ALL OF YOU BELIEVE IN THE SAME FUCKING GOD MORONS. Seriously take most religions and strip them of all ceremonies, customs and practices that make them different from each other and keep the core values and beliefs, and you have the same religion. And yet people still kill each other in the name of this bullshit because somebody's beliefs are a little different then someone else's. Wow this makes about as much sense as hating other people based on skin color, another fucking brilliant idea.

For all we know each and every fucking one of these assholes could be wrong, and yet one of these fuck sticks thinks that I'm going to Hell because I believe in something different then them. If there is a God or whatever the fuck out there I'm willing to bet he/she/it would rather have me use my brain and think and figure things out for myself then to be some mindless ignorant fucking drone who follows the herd and is just another cow........MOOOOO.

And on that happy note here is the random hottie of this post.

Of course if they had nun's that looked like this............well I might be forced to go to church once in awhile.


Random Video Of This Post

Undead Sexy Party

Now I thought I seen dam near everything good bad and fucking ugly. You know the kind of fucking ugly like you were drunk and woke up beside Helga the bridge troll and realized you gave her/he/it hopefully not he or it the goods……….pretty fucking ugly I know.


Vancouver on the other hand for the last year has consistently thrown curve balls of all manner of shit my way that I thought I would never see, tonight was another example of that. Because tonight the streets were packed with ZOMBIES……I SHIT YOU NOT.

No not actual, shuffling, moaning like old people fucking, brain eating undead zombies……and no it was not a fucking convention of dumb ass fuckheads looking for a good time. It was people dressed in costume as zombies. NOW WHY THE FUCK ARE PEOPLE DRESSED AS FUCKING ZOMBIES?

Apparently there were doing something called A ZOMBIE WALK. If my 30 seconds of Google searching has taught me anything ( I know 30 seconds is a long fucking time to focus on this ) it’s that a zombie walk is kind of a social get together where people dress like fucked up corpses and stagger and moan like their drunk on cheap beer and Prozac. They crowd the sidewalks and parks bumping into things and sometimes walking into ordinary people as if they were going to eat their brains, basically like any other fucking day in a large city only there dressed in fake blood and ripped up costumes instead of cell phones and expensive suits. This is not a new trend either, since about 2000 or so people have been getting together in increasingly larger groups as this becomes more popular all over the world. Books like Max Brooks THE ZOMBIE SURVIVAL HORROR GUIDE and WORLD WAR Z and movies like the remake of DAWN OF THE DEAD have made this popular all over the world. But this is the first time I’ve ever seen this in person

AND I FIND IT FUCKING HILARIOUS

I mean these people went all fucking out. There were slutty zombies in mini skirts and and ripped nylons, a stripper nurse zombie with a red thong pole dancing on a street sign because apparently the undead like to pole dance and show their ass………..which wasn’t bad for a dead chick (Is that wrong?) There were soldier zombies in fatigues and tactical vests, even some chubby Asian Sailor Moon zombies. There was even a small school bus painted up like one of the handy darts from the remake of Dawn of The Dead that was being used as a “Zombie Protection Vehicle”

I couldn’t stop laughing, especially consider the people who weren’t zombies on the street were mostly tourists who like me have seen this shit before and didn’t know what to fucking do. I saw an old guy take his able walker and try to use it to defend himself from some fat dude dressed up as a mad scientist zombie. Some creepy German tourist was trying to take a pic of two almost topless zombies, and dozens of others simply turned around and almost ran away.

My only regret is that I didn’t have my camera with me.

Random Hottie Of This Post

Sheri Moon Zombie

And now and educational video to help you defend against the undead


And now on a completely different note McKenzie over at Life As A Stay At Home Mom (  http://mckenzieinwa.blogspot.com/ ) awarded me the Versatile blogger award (located near the bottom of my side bar. When you're done here get you're candy ass over their pronto and check her shit out. Being this is my second time getting this award I'm going to bend the rules..........yet again. First If you're link is on my blog roll, or you a follower or regular commenter consider yourself nominated for the same award. As for sharing seven things about me, well I'm going to save that for another post. But if you're absofuckinglutly dying to know everything you can about me send me an email or leave a comment and I'll do my best to answer you.

Also check out my latest video on YouTube and subscribe to my channel

 

Time To Re-Fuckulate The Warp Drive.....It's Fuck You Friday Time

Today's edition of Fuck You Friday is brought to you by the letter F, as in Fuckstick, Fuckwad, and French toast

The Number 5 as in how many people I currently want to punch in the face at this very second

And The Colonel's own Kentucky Fried Chicken, because it's finger licking good

Also remember to get you're ass over to CB's blog for her newly renamed Blog Stalk Friday and Jena at Boobies, Babies and a Blog for her Fawk You Friday extravaganza, both their links are located on the side in case you're scratching you're head and asking yourself  "How do I get there?".....now you have no fucking excuse.

Now we shall begin:

FUCK YOU to the little crotch monkey's on the ferry earlier this week. Seriously it's 8 at fucking night and you're running around like little bastards on crack shouting and jumping all over the fucking place like the entire fucking ferry is you're personnel playground. If you were my kids (Thank fucking Zeus you're not) you would be sitting quietly in a chair reading a book, because if you got out of line I would probably feed you to the whales. And really is it necessary to slam into the bulk heads above people who are trying to sleep from having to drive all day.....LIKE I WAS YOU BASTARD.

FUCK YOU to the so called parents of these little crotch monkey's WHERE THE FUCK WHERE YOU AND WHY IN THE NAME OF FUCK WHERE YOU NOT DISCIPLINING YOU'RE FUCKING CHILDREN. Do you seriously think that the 150 other people on the boat really enjoyed listening to your kids scream for an hour and a half ferry ride? I'm going to go out on a limb here and say no I and they were not fucking amused by you're lack of parenting skills because you were too busy stuffing you're fat ass in the cafeteria with fries and gravy. GET A GRIP ON YOU'RE FUCKING KIDS ASSHOLE

This one doesn't involve me but I think it's still valid

FUCK YOU to the dumb blond to busy sending a text to look to see if the light has changed before you step out into the sidewalk. That brilliant move almost got you hit by a car you stupid bitch, and then you swear and give him the finger.....WOW YOU'RE FUCKING DUMB. Get you're head out of you're ass woman the light was green, and green means he had the right of way, it also means keep your ass on the sidewalk (It was a very nice ass by the way but your still an idiot) Seriously though how fucking important was this text you were sending anyway, did it involve government secrets.......I highly fucking doubt it.

FUCK YOU to the jack ass who almost backed into my car yesterday, are you fucking stupid ass clown. When you back up you look over both sides in case a guy like me is behind you because I thought you were turning into Safeway not ding some bullshit half ass U-turn.

FUCK YOU to the bag of donkey shit who can't figure out that when the intersection is full and the light is green doesn't mean that you drive you're fucking car into the middle of the fucking mess. Do you know what happens when you and other cock jawed ass lickers pull that crap.........THE WHOLE FUCKING INTERSECTION GETS BLOCKED UP, THIS MEANS YOU'RE SORRY ASS IS GOING NOWHERE FAST. On a completely different note... you're BMW is a piece of shit.

So there it is kiddies this weeks FUCK YOU FRIDAY.

Random Hottie Of This Post

Claire Danes

Random Video Of This Post

Crazy Times In The City

Now I don't know what the fuck it is, but for some reason I seem to be a magnet for all the crazy fucked up people in the world. I swear there must be a giant neon red sign above my head that reads "If you're crazy and you know bug this guy" that only they can see because the voices tell them it's there or the space aliens who beam messages into their brains show them, perhaps it's Satan who appears to them as a dog named Rex for all I fucking know. But the end result is always the same, these fuckers come to me EVERY SINGLE TIME.

And if they don't come to me directly they do something near me that forces me to get involved in their wacky bullshit antics, take last night for example.

There I am, it's about 8:30 at night walking home minding my own business. Suddenly like Spiderman with his "Spidey" sense I get this bad feeling in my stomach, you know the type that yells out "Hey fucker somethings not right check you're six" (Check your six for those who don't know means look behind you). No sooner then I get this bad feeling that some fucked up guy comes sprinting past me with an arm full of tools and belts for construction or carpentry or that kind of stuff.

The guy goes running past me to a nearby staircase where he stops, turns around and starts yelling shit at the top of his lungs to a security guard and some dude who reminded me of Borat who were close behind him. He yells shit like "I'm gonna fuk you up cock-a-roackes" like he's Tony Montana. Now for obviously reasons this got me immediate attention because I was only a few feet away and I move closer to see if I can help the security guard and Borat. Crazy guy sees me now getting closer to him and pulls a hammer out from the tool belt and begins to wave it around threatening us and anyone nearby.

Are you fucking kidding me? There are kids outplaying in the nearby park, and elderly people walking their expensive dogs and this lunatic is going to wave a hammer around like he's going to kill somebody, NOT ON MY FUCKING WATCH HE'S NOT.

I move in close and the security guard and Borat try to tackle the guy from the other side but all they managed to do was get the guy more pissed off. Now I don't know what this dude's problem is, he could be stoned, drunk, or have some mental fuck up upstairs for all I know, either way I'm not going to charge the fucking guy when he's crazy..........at least not until I have the upper hand, that's a good way to get a hammer in the side of the head and frankly I would like to have a semi functional brain THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

So I try a different approach, I calmy walk right up in front of the crazy guy who's waving the hammer all over the place, look him square in the eye and tell him in a calm loud voice "You don't want this shit, put the hammer down NOW".....and you know what he actually listened and threw the hammer behind him, he stood there starring at me as I kept eye contact. It was kinda like that scene in that movie Crocodile Dundee where the main character calms down the water buffalo or whatever it was by staring it down and chanting some stuff, only this time the water buffalo was some fucking crazy dude in pajama pants and a wife beater.

Now as I'm doing this I'm trying to signal to the security guard and Borat to get behind this crazy fuck and help me take him to the ground, neither one got the message, but at least they kept their distance and blocked this guy's escape route. Fortunately a minute later about a half dozen cop cars show up and almost a dozen cops appeared ready to fuck this guy up, and in Vancouver they don't fuck around and where on him faster then you can say "What the fu...."

In the end nobody got hurt except for the security guard who had a cut on his hand from the hammer, and the crazy fucker who got a face full of sidewalk when they slapped the cuffs on him.....GOOD TIMES HAD BY ALL.

Random Hottie Of This Post

Erica Cerra

Random Video Of This Post