But since it's Christmas and we all want presents I wanted to list off some of the things that I hope to see under the tree this holiday season. Santa if you're real and you happen to be reading this DON'T FUCK THIS UP LIKE YOU DID WHEN I WAS A KID AND SEND ME THAT STUPID ASS SWEATER WITH THE FUCKING REINDEER THAT LOOKS LIKE IT HAD DOWN SYNDROME ON IT. And who the fuck knits a sweater with puke green wool, what am I a fucking hobo?
And with that happy thought onto the list.
1. A tazer to zap every single cross eyed fucker who looks at me funny
2. A gold plated toilet seat just like the ones that those rich princes in places like Dubai get to crap on. I WANT TO KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO SHIT ON A PRECIOUS METAL TOO ASSHOLES (Don't judge me)
3. Socks
4. Every single Clint Eastwood movie except The Bridges of Madison county, and the one with that annoying fucking monkey that would play dead...........fucking monkeys.
5. Lucy Liu......do I really need to explain why
6. Tear gas, trust me it ain't a party until everyone is chocking and hacking up a lung and gasping for air.
7. A new car, something simpler perhaps........like an Austin Martin like the one Sean Connery used back in his James Bond movie days with all the gadgets.
8. A 24 hour pass to bitch slap every stupid jack ass I run into without any repercussions.
9. A politician to admit that they are a greedy self centered asshole and that they don't or ever gave a fuck about the average tax payer on live T.V, followed by a randomly picked bunch of lucky winners to spit on them for an hour.
10. A new mouse pad. Mine is starting to split apart though I really like it because it has this pic of green leaves flowing in a soft summer breeze, it's very calming and made from recycled plastic.
11. For Mark Burnett to be hit by a fucking train. In case you don't know who this glue bag is, he's the guy who's pretty much responsible for the overwhelming tide of bullshit called reality T.V. This is the twinkle toed fuck who spearhead shoes like The Apprentice and Survivor.....need I say anymore.
12. Gummy bears........what they taste good fuck you.
That is all
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