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Showing posts with label Halloween. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Halloween. Show all posts

Sunday, October 31, 2010

A Couple Ghost Stories

Happy Halloween Everyone. For this post, being my favorite time of year I wanted to share with you some real ghost stories with you that happened to me. I've been lucky or unlucky depending on how you look at it to have had numerous encounters, I guess I'm just one of those fuckers who see dead people like that creepy little kid in that movie......you know the one directed by that guy about that dead guy who doesn't know he's a dead guy so by default he's scaring the shit out of some already traumatized kid because he thinks he's the kids counsellor. Anyways here we go.

MY FIRST GHOST ENCOUNTER

The first encounter I ever had with the spirit world was when I was a little kid (sometime between 5 or 6). We lived on a small island east of Vancouver island in an old house on top of a hill. The story goes that the original owner was a world war 2 veteran who returned from war to discover that his wife not only had an affair when he was gone, but had a child with the guy. Nobody knew what happened to her afterwards, she simply vanished, the vet raised the child as his own.

Just before I was born some water pipes in the basement broke in the only part of the basement that still had a dirt floor. When my father (by the way the guy was an evil asshole but that's another story) dug down into the dirt he discovered a long wooden box. Upon opening the box he discovered human remains. Now instead of doing the right thing and calling the police he simply and for reasons I don't know to this day he simply buried it back up.

But it was only after I was born that things started to happen. At first it would be things like strange noises upstairs when no one was upstairs. Then doors would lock or open on their own, pillows and other objects would start to fly across the room both when people were in those rooms and not. I remember one occasion having a large pillow from the living room fly on it's own into the kitchen and hit me. Later on footprints would appear on the ceiling starting above the entrance of the basement and going into the bathroom, there would always be two sets, one's a woman's shoe like a high heel, the other a heavy work boot type shoe. The creepiest thing that happened was when my mother would be woken up by me talking in the middle of the night, she would come into my room only to find me sitting up in bed talking to the wall. When she asked me what I was doing I told her that I was talking to the nice dead lady in the corner.

She wasn't always nice though. The spot where her body was no one ever ventured into, there was an overwhelming sense of terror that you would feel as soon as you crossed that invisible line into that corner of the basement. I remember my brand new tricycle rolling into that spot and being too scared shitless to go after it. The last time I was in that house was when I was about 14 and the bike was still in that spot, even my so called father who didn't believe in ghosts would never set foot in there.

As for my father I haven't spoken to him in almost 20 years, as far as I know he still lives in the house, and still hasn't done anything about the body in the basement. I've tried to get something done about it, but without proof nothing will happen.

GHOST ATTACK

A few years ago I was dating this woman who lived about an hour outside of Edmonton, Alberta (Canada for you guys who don't know what country I'm talking about). There was always strange things happening in that house that both me and her saw all the time. We heard voices coming from inside the walls. Strange orb like lights would float along the walls, and strange cold spots would happen instantly and always in different parts of the house.

One night in particular I was staying over for the weekend. We were getting ready for bed and the whole night I felt like I was being watched, I always felt like I was being watched but on this particular it felt stronger and more sinister. We crawled into bed and hadn't been there for more then a couple minutes when I felt a weight being pressed down around my torso, it felt like a person was sitting on my chest. It started to become hard to breath and I couldn't move. Suddenly I felt a pair of hands grab my throat and start choking me. I gagged and fought for air but couldn't move, I couldn't speak or shout out but I was able to make enough noise to wake my ex girlfriend up. She grabbed my shoulders and shook me, when she did the weight and the hands went away. As I tried to regain my breath and figure out what the hell just happened I looked into the hallway to see a black figure standing in the doorway tapping it's fingers on the side of the wall. It then slide behind the wall, the whole time keeping it's fingers tapping the wall and watching me, after a few moments it vanished and I no longer felt the sinister being watched feeling.

But what really freaked me out was when I went to the bathroom right after. Looking at my reflection in the mirror I saw red finger marks on my throat. The finger marks were too narrow and long to belong to my ex girlfriend, and the angle would have been impossible for me to do to myself.

That's just a couple of dozens of ghostly encounters I've had.................SO FAR.

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Jennifer Love Hewitt

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Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Halloween Survival Tips

Being that Halloween is just around the corner I feel it's important to share some helpful tips to make this Halloween a safe and fun one for everyone.

1. DO NOT DRY HUMP THE ZOMBIES

Zombies may be the walking dead but they have feelings to........well maybe nobody really knows, it's hard to tell with their vacant stares and groaning. Besides you don't know where they've been.

2.  DO NOT ACCEPT CANDY FROM STRANGERS

Unless of course they are in a clear plastic bag, you don't want some hobo's greasy hands sweating up all over the candy. This is especially true of chocolate.

3.  IF BEING CHASED BY A CRAZY KNIFE WIELDING PSYCHO DON'T RUN UP THE FUCKING STAIRS

Really have you not seen any horror movies where the dumb blond with big boobs decides to make a run for it by going upstairs to hide in the bathroom only to be cut to little pieces with an axe. Not fucking smart, instead go in the basement instead cause nothing bad ever happens in a basement. Besides running up all those stairs means you'll just die tired.

4. DON'T SACRIFICE ANY VIRGINS TO THE DARK LORD

Unless you're knife is razor sharp, also make sure that you pronounce you're chanting right. You're sacrificing a virgin to the dark lord, not turning you're poker buddy into a giant furry chicken. I also have to point out that the dark lord is really disappointed from last years sacrifices from the lack of "actual" virgins. Seriously people do you're fucking homework, is it so fucking hard to get them to fill out a simple questionnaire. You don't want to piss off the dark lord.

5. DO NOT GO INTO THE WOODS ALONE

Bring a chubby kid with you, they don't run as fast. If the axe wielding psycho who just finished chopping the dumb blond mentioned before into human firewood decides to show up to turn you're head into a canoe. This way you can escape and as for the chubby kid..........well he should have fucking put the donuts down now shouldn't he. Seriously all that sugar and crap is just going to give you a heart attack.

6. IF YOU'RE A TWENTY SOMETHING PRETENDING TO BE A TEENAGER DO NOT RUN ANYONE OVER AFTER A WILD NIGHT OF PARTYING

We all know that you're shitty driving skills won't kill the poor sap (entirely at least) which means there going to come back looking for revenge. This also means that you're going to get hacked up with either a meat hook, meat cleaver, or some kind of sharp object with the word meat in it, either way it's not going to be pretty.

7.  REMEMBER SILVER BULLETS KILL WEREWOLVES AND WOODEN STAKES KILL VAMPIRES

Don't be a fucktard and mix this up. Oh and on a side not if you have to deal with one of those sparkly gay Twilight vampires slap the bitch in the face.

8. REMEMBER TO CHECK YOU'RE AMMO

If you find yourself locked in a house with a horde of zombies trying to beat down you're door make sure you have enough ammunition to get the job done.

9. IF YOU'RE GOING TO EAT SOMEONES LIVER REMEMBER TO EAT IT WITH SOME FAVA BEANS AND A NICE CHIANTI 

10. IF YOU'RE BUDDY IS POSSESSED BY DEMONS REMEMBER TO BRING AN OLD PRIEST AND A YOUNG PRIEST

I don't really know why but it sounds like a good idea

(Disclaimer: the above words of wisdom won't guarantee you're ass won't get cut, possessed, or eaten alive. So if the shit hits the fan, don't blame me) 

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Gretchen Mol

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