Sunday, October 31, 2010

A Couple Ghost Stories

Happy Halloween Everyone. For this post, being my favorite time of year I wanted to share with you some real ghost stories with you that happened to me. I've been lucky or unlucky depending on how you look at it to have had numerous encounters, I guess I'm just one of those fuckers who see dead people like that creepy little kid in that know the one directed by that guy about that dead guy who doesn't know he's a dead guy so by default he's scaring the shit out of some already traumatized kid because he thinks he's the kids counsellor. Anyways here we go.


The first encounter I ever had with the spirit world was when I was a little kid (sometime between 5 or 6). We lived on a small island east of Vancouver island in an old house on top of a hill. The story goes that the original owner was a world war 2 veteran who returned from war to discover that his wife not only had an affair when he was gone, but had a child with the guy. Nobody knew what happened to her afterwards, she simply vanished, the vet raised the child as his own.

Just before I was born some water pipes in the basement broke in the only part of the basement that still had a dirt floor. When my father (by the way the guy was an evil asshole but that's another story) dug down into the dirt he discovered a long wooden box. Upon opening the box he discovered human remains. Now instead of doing the right thing and calling the police he simply and for reasons I don't know to this day he simply buried it back up.

But it was only after I was born that things started to happen. At first it would be things like strange noises upstairs when no one was upstairs. Then doors would lock or open on their own, pillows and other objects would start to fly across the room both when people were in those rooms and not. I remember one occasion having a large pillow from the living room fly on it's own into the kitchen and hit me. Later on footprints would appear on the ceiling starting above the entrance of the basement and going into the bathroom, there would always be two sets, one's a woman's shoe like a high heel, the other a heavy work boot type shoe. The creepiest thing that happened was when my mother would be woken up by me talking in the middle of the night, she would come into my room only to find me sitting up in bed talking to the wall. When she asked me what I was doing I told her that I was talking to the nice dead lady in the corner.

She wasn't always nice though. The spot where her body was no one ever ventured into, there was an overwhelming sense of terror that you would feel as soon as you crossed that invisible line into that corner of the basement. I remember my brand new tricycle rolling into that spot and being too scared shitless to go after it. The last time I was in that house was when I was about 14 and the bike was still in that spot, even my so called father who didn't believe in ghosts would never set foot in there.

As for my father I haven't spoken to him in almost 20 years, as far as I know he still lives in the house, and still hasn't done anything about the body in the basement. I've tried to get something done about it, but without proof nothing will happen.


A few years ago I was dating this woman who lived about an hour outside of Edmonton, Alberta (Canada for you guys who don't know what country I'm talking about). There was always strange things happening in that house that both me and her saw all the time. We heard voices coming from inside the walls. Strange orb like lights would float along the walls, and strange cold spots would happen instantly and always in different parts of the house.

One night in particular I was staying over for the weekend. We were getting ready for bed and the whole night I felt like I was being watched, I always felt like I was being watched but on this particular it felt stronger and more sinister. We crawled into bed and hadn't been there for more then a couple minutes when I felt a weight being pressed down around my torso, it felt like a person was sitting on my chest. It started to become hard to breath and I couldn't move. Suddenly I felt a pair of hands grab my throat and start choking me. I gagged and fought for air but couldn't move, I couldn't speak or shout out but I was able to make enough noise to wake my ex girlfriend up. She grabbed my shoulders and shook me, when she did the weight and the hands went away. As I tried to regain my breath and figure out what the hell just happened I looked into the hallway to see a black figure standing in the doorway tapping it's fingers on the side of the wall. It then slide behind the wall, the whole time keeping it's fingers tapping the wall and watching me, after a few moments it vanished and I no longer felt the sinister being watched feeling.

But what really freaked me out was when I went to the bathroom right after. Looking at my reflection in the mirror I saw red finger marks on my throat. The finger marks were too narrow and long to belong to my ex girlfriend, and the angle would have been impossible for me to do to myself.

That's just a couple of dozens of ghostly encounters I've had.................SO FAR.

Random Hottie Of This Post
Jennifer Love Hewitt

Random Video Of This Post

Friday, October 29, 2010

Halloween Zombie Survival Tips

Being that Halloween is close by I thought I would touch on another Halloween type topic....ZOMBIES. Yeah I'm getting a little fucking sick of all these forums, and "experts" talking about zombie survival who have no idea what the hell their talking about. More often then not it's some snot nosed little shit who thinks that just because they played Left 4 Dead their the be all end all zombie killing expert.....keep dreaming sunshine.

So I thought in this post I would shed some reality into the whole zombie survival thingy. And being that I spent more then two minutes in the army, I might know a thing or two about dealing with the shit hitting that proverbial fan.

Fantasy Weapon List

I've seen wave after wave of kids talking out their ass about how if the zombies came they would get (insert fancy ass fucking gun here) and blow away some brain eaters.

The reality is that 1. Those guns are going to be in the hands of a select few such as the military or gun enthusiasts (depending on country and local laws of course) and unless a truck full of guns happens to be dumped on you're front lawn, you're not going to get ahold of that fancy fucking sniper rifle, or machine gun or whatever the fuck you want Santa to bring you for the zombie apocalypse. Also being that most of us in the developed world live in urban areas items such as shovels, crowbars, or other blunt objects that could be used as a weapon may be in short short you're probably just going to end up as a fucking snack asshole :)

Wannabe Badass

Second to wanting fantasy guns are little ass nuggets who think their stone cold killers. The reality is if a horde of zombies is moving in on you're position YOU'RE GOING TO SHIT YOU'RE LITTLE PINK PANTIES. I guarantee that most of these kids never shot a weapon in anger or on a range, and if they get their hands on a gun their going to be shaking like a leaf. They won't know shit about adopting a firing position, concentrating their breathing, nor have the necessary training in general to be a decent shot. Also video games don't teach you things such as dealing with weapon jams and stoppages, the weight of the weapon itself, or the recoil when that weapon fires. And depending on the type of weapon it could be a little push like that of a 22. caliber rifle, or a massive kick like a shotgun :)

Drop That Burger Fat Ass

Now I'm not Mr. fucking universe, but I'm in decent shape....good enough shape to either run from or to trouble and give it a good ass kicking. How many little chubby fuckers do you know that can eat a bowl of soup without needing oxygen let alone fight? Since our population is getting fatter this means more and more people won't be physically fit enough to fend off or escape a zombie. And if you're sucking wind out through you're ass and you're dizzy from exhaustion, how the fuck are you going to shoot effectively if you have a gun? Yeah not fucking likely you're going to hit Moby Dick with a rocket launcher at 50 let alone a you're basically fucked :)

Oh by the way when I talk about fatty's I'm not talking about those who are a little plump or a bit of a beer gut, I'm talking about those fuckers who can't put down their gut wrenches.

The Emotional Factor

Not many people can turn off their emotions, and those that can usually pay a price for that ability. So the average Joe Bloggins who works 9 to 5 and the most traumatic thing that happened to them is that they missed the all you can eat buffet at the local diner are in for a huge fucking surprise. I guran-fucking-tee most will emotionally break down when their mom, sister, boyfriend, best bud are a brain munching zombie looking to use their skull as a bowl. Some will break down so badly they'll go into shock and be able to function even at a basic level, these people will more then likely be snacks for the horde. Others will go off the deep end and just fucking loose it, going after anyone and everything regardless if it has a heartbeat or not. Chances are you're probably fucked :)

Now some of you are probably wondering thinking this "So what the fuck are you gong to do princess?" The answer is simple GET THE FUCK OUT OF DODGE. Being that I live in a city full or rich retired assholes, pretentious stuck up business type assholes, and snotty bitchy women who are more obsessed with looks and money rather then common sense that this town would be fucked faster then a new fish in prison. Also being that there is a serious shortage of firearms unless I'm lucky to get one from a dead cop or naval reservist, I'll be for the most part unarmed. Do you really think I would be that stupid to stick around when there could potentially be 2.3 million zombies surrounding the words of a wise man FUCK THAT SHIT. Unless I have the arms, ammo, and food I'm getting out of the city as fast as I can and going to where there is hardly anyone which is either the mountains or the ocean.

Random Hottie Of This Post

Gucci Mama from Mamma Still Wears Gucci

Why you ask, why the fuck not..... besides she begged pleaded, and then eventually told me that if I didn't she would hunt me down and set me on fire, now who can argue with that.

Random Video Of This Post

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Halloween Survival Tips

Being that Halloween is just around the corner I feel it's important to share some helpful tips to make this Halloween a safe and fun one for everyone.


Zombies may be the walking dead but they have feelings to........well maybe nobody really knows, it's hard to tell with their vacant stares and groaning. Besides you don't know where they've been.


Unless of course they are in a clear plastic bag, you don't want some hobo's greasy hands sweating up all over the candy. This is especially true of chocolate.


Really have you not seen any horror movies where the dumb blond with big boobs decides to make a run for it by going upstairs to hide in the bathroom only to be cut to little pieces with an axe. Not fucking smart, instead go in the basement instead cause nothing bad ever happens in a basement. Besides running up all those stairs means you'll just die tired.


Unless you're knife is razor sharp, also make sure that you pronounce you're chanting right. You're sacrificing a virgin to the dark lord, not turning you're poker buddy into a giant furry chicken. I also have to point out that the dark lord is really disappointed from last years sacrifices from the lack of "actual" virgins. Seriously people do you're fucking homework, is it so fucking hard to get them to fill out a simple questionnaire. You don't want to piss off the dark lord.


Bring a chubby kid with you, they don't run as fast. If the axe wielding psycho who just finished chopping the dumb blond mentioned before into human firewood decides to show up to turn you're head into a canoe. This way you can escape and as for the chubby kid..........well he should have fucking put the donuts down now shouldn't he. Seriously all that sugar and crap is just going to give you a heart attack.


We all know that you're shitty driving skills won't kill the poor sap (entirely at least) which means there going to come back looking for revenge. This also means that you're going to get hacked up with either a meat hook, meat cleaver, or some kind of sharp object with the word meat in it, either way it's not going to be pretty.


Don't be a fucktard and mix this up. Oh and on a side not if you have to deal with one of those sparkly gay Twilight vampires slap the bitch in the face.


If you find yourself locked in a house with a horde of zombies trying to beat down you're door make sure you have enough ammunition to get the job done.



I don't really know why but it sounds like a good idea

(Disclaimer: the above words of wisdom won't guarantee you're ass won't get cut, possessed, or eaten alive. So if the shit hits the fan, don't blame me) 

Random Hottie Of This Post

Gretchen Mol

Random Video Of This Post

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Fuck You Friday On Sunday

Okay so I know I normally do my fuck yous for the week on Friday, but there have been some things that have prevented me from doing so, meh fuck it better late then never I always say. On another and completely different note I hope to have a couple new videos for you guys in a week or two.

First and foremost FUCK YOU to the Asian woman who was practically dry humping the fucking elevator button while yammering away on her cell phone. Okay fucker you stand right in front of the elevator button and fucking bitch in Chinese (I think it was Chinese) about who the fuck knows what to who the fuck cares, but the whole time the elevator's not coming.........why you ask BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T PUSH THE FUCKING BUTTON. So I take the initiative and reach around her to push it, only to have her give me dirty looks like I was going grab her, sorry but I don't plan on wasting my fucking life away while you wait to figure out why the fuck the elevator isn't coming.

FUCK YOU to the slow ass fuckers in the parking garage who couldn't figure out what the fuck they were doing and were driving slower. Really it's a fucking parking lot, here let me break it down on what you need to do. 1. you drive you're sorry ass around until you find a spot to park. 2. YOU FUCKING PARK THE FUCKING CAR. You don't sit in the middle of the way and block it for everyone, and you don't drive so fucking slow I can feel myself age literally. USE THE FUCKING GAS PEDDLE NUMB NUTS.

FUCK YOU to the greasy shit who thought my car was the perfect thing to lean up against and have a smoke. I don't recall the side of my car having a sign that read "Please lean you're slimy ass against this car and be a complete douche bag because you think you're cool. You didn't even fucking bother to move when I showed up to drive away. So since you're too fucking cool to move I simply jumped in and drove away and laughed my fucking ass off when you fell ass first into the street, especially because it happened right in front of a bunch of girls you were checking out. Yeah you're fucking cool asshole next time use a wall to lean up against.

FUCK YOU to the fucker with the little dog who let it yap and bark like it was being fed into a meat grinder. Really you don't know how to discipline you're dog. I COULD HEAR YOU FROM THE 5TH FLOOR. Next time you're dog causes shit, instead of coddling it like a kid put it down and discipline it. Then maybe you won't drive everyone on 5 fucking floors nuts with you're bullshit.

FUCK YOU to the creepy cluster fuck who was giving me the eyeball while walking past me. Do I look like a fucking alien? Is there a third eye growing out of my forehead? If the answer to those is no then don't look at me like I am. Seriously what the fuck is wrong with you, you looked at me like you had a pickle shoved up your ass.

And last but not least FUCK YOU to Telus one of the local cell phone providers here. I go in to get a new phone for a friend of mine and you fuck me over, first you waste my time and then you tell me you can't do shit for me. What the hell are you paid for exactly, you sure as fuck am not eye candy so that narrows down what your skill set is. As of today you are officially on my list of the most useless human being alive, congratulations fuck stick, this honour entitles you to fuck all and to be laughed at on a regular basis.

That is all

Random Hottie Of This Post

Aki Kawamura

Random Video Of This Post

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Resident Evil Nightmare

It's time for another video kiddies, so grab a blankie and a sandwich and gather round. Being that Halloween is just around the corner I wanted to do something that has a theme that kinda goes with my favorite time of the year (Fuck Christmas). So I did my latest video to the first two Resident Evil movies (Resident Evil 2002 and Resident Evil Apocalypse 2004) to the song Nightmare by Avenged Sevenfold. I thought about originally doing the video to all 4 movies but the second two Resident Evil movies............well kinda sucked in opinion at least, and frankly I'm not into shit that sucks.

Anyways all that being said I hope you enjoy the video. This is also my second attempt at creating a video using Adobe Premier Pro CS3, so I still have a lot to learn about editing with that program. If you want to check out my other videos there all posted below in the bar at the bottom where it says YouTube. Or you can go to my YouTube channel (click here for the link).

Random Hottie Of This Post

Milla Jovovich

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Justin Bieber You're A Limp Dick Raging Homosexual, And Other Famous People I Want To Tell Off Part 2

Way back in July I wrote a post about things I would say to famous stupid people if I had the opportunity to talk to them face to face. (Click here to see that post) Well since there is no shortage of fucking stupid people, or famous dumb assholes out there and their ridiculous antics, I decided a second post on the matter was the right thing to do.

Here's what I would say to them again.

Kim Jong Il

"First and foremost I want to congratulate you on you're 65th workers party celebration, who would have thought that with starvation, crumbling infastructure, and a highly oppressive regime you fascist fucks would have stayed in power for so long, good job. It's great to see a slimy self centered little fucking psychopath who tries to dress like Yoda trample all those below yourself. Oh let's not forget the massive brainwashing bullshit that you've pulled over you're countries eyes. I fucking love how you claim to be this great leader and you're country is a shit hole, you don't even have enough power to keep the street lights on. And good luck trying to take over South Korea with all that antiquated shit you're armed forces use you fat fuck."

Kim Kardashian

"Dear Miss or Mrs (I don't know or care) Kardashian

Let my start by saying WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO BECOME FAMOUS? I really don't know. I heard you were in Playboy, and I heard something about a sex tape. Simply wow is that all I need to do to get famous is make an "accidental" sex tape that mysteriously gets leaked out into the Internet for every basement dwelling nerd to spank his hobbit too. If that's the case maybe I should make one........on second thought maybe, why because A. I don't fucking want to, and B. I'm not going to result to doing something so stupid to make a name for myself. What the fuck happened to being famous for something notable such as discovering a cure for a disease, or breaking a world something that was hard as hell but you sucked it up and overcame the challenge. No instead you just spread you're legs and bat you're eyes you fucking twit."

Megan Fox

"I'm not going to lie I like millions of men and women around the globe would love to do the nasty with you. But apart from you're looks and large "assets" you are frankly the most annoying overrated so called actress of the last 20 fucking years. You have no talent, and you sound like you smoke 4 packs of Malboro's a day. What's going to happen when those looks fade and theres not enough makeup or photoshop to touch you up, sure you'll be rich unless you're like many others who've become famous and blew it all on drugs and stupid shit like gold plated toilet seats.........WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A GOLD PLATED TOILET SEAT ANYWAY? Sure I bet it would be awesome to take a crap on an expensive metal, but apart from that it's just ridiculous."

Conrad Black

"Wow simply fucking wow you arrogant prick. I love how you blatantly stole millions, went to some cushy "prison" where you wrote a newspaper column and lectured other "prisoners". Only to get to walk out of jail after a short sentence. First off you should still be in jail and not some resort prison like where you ended up but somewhere like Folsom prison with guys going 25 to life for murder. I'd love to see how you'd survive in there, maybe the Aryan nation will take you in and protect you if you do them a "favour", and by favour I mean be their bitch."

Tyra Banks

"Shut the fuck up you're wasting precious oxygen."

That's it for this post, though I'm positive that will be a part three given that there is a very long list of shit turbines out there.

Random Hottie Of This Post

Natalie Imbruglia

Random Video Of This Post

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Holy Purple Monkey Balls It's Fuck You Friday Time

Okay so this one is a little early, but hey my blog my rules don't like it go see if you can fly on a bridge. Anyways this week was for the most part pretty reasonable, almost and I quote "normal". Frankly I'm not used to normal or quiet or even peaceful, those just aren't words that pop up in my vocabulary, but this week was for the most part those things if I had to describe it. That doesn't mean however that there was a shortage of fuck tards and assholes. It just means that those few fuck heads went above and beyond the call of duty to be a grade A douche bag. So here we go.

FUCK YOU to the shitty little skunk that almost sprayed me last night. Okay fucker how the hell am I suppose to see you when you're half under some bushes and it's pitch black out because there's no street lights on for some reason. And then when you can see that I've stopped and not coming any closer you insist on walking up to me with you're fucking tail in the air. What do I look like someone who ran over you're mother or something? Fuck you skunk you're mother was probably as big of an asshole as you, she was also probably a whore and let all the stray dogs and cats and probably the odd homeless bum have their way with her. I see you again fucker I'm going to turn you into a hat.

FUCK YOU to the creepy douche bag who was too busy looking at his phone to watch where he was going and stepped on my foot. HOW ABOUT YOU LOOK THE FUCK UP AND WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING NUMB NUTS. Last time I checked you don't own the fucking sidewalk.

FUCK YOU to the fat fucking meter maid asshole who gave me a parking ticket the other day when I went to drop my dog off to be boarded for the day. Really you had to give me a ticket, clearly you could see that I was just dropping off my dog since my car was still running and the hazards were on. And you had no problem letting that guy from Canada Post park their last week for half an hour as you walked past eating a chocolate bar. But no you had to be a prick to me, why was it because I was driving a car that's probably nicer then? Was it because I don't look anywhere near as pathetic as you do, or is it because you're trying to make up for the shortfalls in you're life (you're entire life).

I personally love how you sat there with a fucking Mars bar in you're greasy fat mitt of a hand sucking away at it as you tried to be all authoritative with me FUCK YOU COCK KNOCKER you have no authority other then handing out tickets fuck face. Oh and on an extra note I remember you from last month when you gave an elderly woman a parking ticket because she was lost and pulled over to look at her map. Wow what a big man you were that day running over as fast as you could printing up a ticket at the same time, tell me did you're bitch tits hurt from all the bouncing? You couldn't even give her directions when she asked how to get to whatever address, you simply told her "It's not my job pay you're ticket" Not only do you deserve a big fat FUCK YOU but if I see you again pulling shit like that after I publicly humiliate you by kicking you're ass I will do everything I can to let you're superiors know what kind of fucking Nazi glue bag you are.

FUCK YOU to the bearded clam motherfucker who almost ran me over last night. I don't know what part of the world you got you're drivers license from, but in this country you fucking not only look to see if traffic is coming, but you check for pedestrians at the intersection. I don't know if you were perhaps trying to look around that white Escalade that was beside you or you were trying to see the 20 something Asian chick in the passenger seat of that said Esclade either way PAY THE FUCK ATTENTION TO YOU'RE SURROUNDINGS.

Then after you almost ran me over you stare at me in confusion as I yell at you, even that Asian chick was shaking her head and calling you a stupid fuck, but you didn't seem to get it. Seriously if you're that fucking stupid perhaps you should consider not driving a car anymore and stick to public transportation. If it had been a kid instead of me the other night you would have ran them over and probably killed them, and the vibe I got from you is that you would panic and drive away rather then face it and try to help, and that truly scares me.

FUCK YOU to Blockbuster how fucking hard is it to organize you're movies in a way that everyone can find them. Since you renovated you're store I can't find shit other then movies that have 50 fucking copies for rent. The only redeeming quality that makes me come back to you're fucking store is the hot Australian girl who works there (There's something about women with accents). Apart from that you're store pisses me the fuck fail.

Well that's it for this week I've given out all the fuck you's to those deserving.

Random Hottie Of This Post

Natalie Portman

Random Video Of This Post

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Hot Mutant

Dren played by  Delphine ChanĂ©ac

Last night I watched the movie Splice, If you havn't seen this movie it's kinda like Species that starred Natasha Henstridge back in the late 90's. If you havn't seen that movie then well you're really right the fuck out of it arn't you, what are you living in a cave in the middle of nowhere? Okay so the story goes something like this. A couple genetic researches decide one day that it would be a totally awsome fucking idea to take some animal and plant DNA and mix it with some human DNA, becuase we all know that nothing possibly could go wrong when you cut and paste DNA all over the fucking place. So they figure out how to do it and BAM giant fucking CHernobly tadpole that grows into a bug eyed chernobyl Butterball turkey, and finally Miss Chernobyl 2010. Of course there are tensions a love interest and some people get killed, you know typical everyday shit.

One thing that kept going through my mind as I watched this movie was "I think I would do that mutant" well that was until she turned into a fucking he and went ape shit, I don't even know how the fuck that happened. But before that when it was a she I think I would tap the mutie if I was in that situation, I mean after all the male lead did, how bad could it be? I mean sure she has a tail with a stinger.......a fucking stinger kinda like what killed the Crocodile Hunter, you know Steve Fucking Irwin. The dude who would yell "Crickey" and leap off the front of a boat to swim after some crocs who sure as fuck did not want his happy ass near them. I mean fuck who is that crazy and or stupid to jump in the water with a fucking crocodile, I mean this is kinda how the guy got killed was swimming around some stingray's and one decides to stab him in the chest with it's stinger. You know I bet he would do the mutant, those aussies are kinda crazy that way. And like the guy in the movie he got stabbed in the chest with the stinger thingy. Of course it was after when she was a he and wanted to have a crack at the female lead (can you really blame he/she/it ?)

Okay i'm getting off topic here, anyways apart from the stinger, she also had some weird fucked up looking legs and sprouted wings now and then, wings would be a plus for sure I mean think how much faster you could get to places...........meh fuck it too much work.

Then I started thinking that this would make a really fucked up episode of Jerry Springer, perhaps the most fucked up in that shows history. I mean think about it I can see the title now "Honey I'm cheating on you with a mutant" I wonder if that would be worse. I think it would be like those guys who get dumped by a girl for another girl and arn't allowed to watch........really fucking sucks by the way happened to a guy I know not me in case you're wondering.

And what would happen if the mutant got pregnat what the fuck would that be like. I mean the good part would be that becuase she grew up like in 50 days you could send it out in the world or to the nearest traveling freak show in 51 days. Think of the thousands you would save on food, clothes, textbooks and toys, that's a small fortune I'm sure. The bad would be that it would want to drive you're car that much faster and be bringing home all the fucked up emo goth kids from school to date. Though it would be able to get a job really quickly catching rats and other small animals that are pests, and that would save a lot of money on food.

Anyways I had a point to this post, but I've forgotten what it is and my head hurts, I'm confused, and I suddenly have a craving for turkey.

Random Hottie Of This Post

 Delphine ChanĂ©ac not as a mutant

Random Video Of This Post

Monday, October 11, 2010

Shit To Be Thankful For

The last little while I've been in kind of a negative mood due to things that right now are out of my control. So I wanted to turn things around a little and do something on a more positive note. Being that it's Thanksgiving here (Yes we have Thanksgiving up here in the great white north too fuckers, and no I'm not really sure why but I'm sure it involved lots of ninjas and explosions) I thought I would share some of the things that I'm thankful for.

I"m thankful that we have not been invaded by either of the following:

- Space Nazi Leprechauns
- Giant Radioactive Lobsters In Crotchless Lobster Suits
- A Legion Of Angry Fucking Grannies Obsessed With Matlock
- Alien Justin Bieber's..........oh wait there's already one here FUCK

I'm thankful that even though I've been out of the army for about four years, I can still hit a moving target at 400 meters. This will come in handy for the impending zombie apocalypse. I don't plan on being brain food for those undead fuckers.

I'm thankful that I have KD in the cupboard and clean socks, and if I get really hungry I can combine the two to make a meal.

I'm thankful that being a guy I have a highly developed sense of being able to tune people out when they start to nag and bitch or go on about something pointless like having to walk to some shit hole town to find cornflakes, but they didn't have cornflakes because of the war. So they had to settle for puff wheat or some other shit. Anyways back then gas cost 25 cents a gallon which was good because the car burned 1 mile per gallon. Anyways about those cornflakes, you had to settle for puff wheat because of the war....................yeah I even tuned out what I just wrote there.

I'm thankful that when it rains out here all the tourist fuckers scurry like mice for cover so that I have the entire seawall to myself so I don't have to twist my ankle trying to manoeuvre around all those fat ass mouth breathers.

I'm thankful that I'm not short cause that would fucking suck.

I'm thankful that I don't have a name like "Harry Dick" or "Benjamin Wiener" or "Turd Ferguson". Can you imagine growing up how many times I would have been picked on for having a name like that, it was bad enough having a "normal name".

And last but not least I'm thankful that no matter how much bullshit is thrown my way, no matter how messed up I am and emotional scared I am, or how fucked up things are for me I will not give any fucker the satisfaction of getting the best of me FUCK THAT SHIT.

Random Hottie Of This Post

Katy Perry

Random Video Of This Post

Friday, October 8, 2010

The Cluster Fuck That Is Job Hunting

Normally I would post my FUCK YOU FRIDAY post today, but I need to vent about something that I've mentioned off and on about, and that's finding work here in Vancouver. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS CITY.......seriously I love living here because it's right by the ocean, I'm just minutes from the mountains, and there is tonnes to do, but finding work here is fucking impossible. I've never in my life struggled for a year to find a job, only to be rewarded for my time searching with shitty low paying jobs that wouldn't pay me enough to live. And out of the hundreds upon hundreds of jobs that I've applied to only 5 legitimate ones have responded, of those only 1 so far is offering enough pay to make a decent living here (which I'm in the process of trying to get but it's a fairly long process with a good deal of paperwork, and theres no guarantee I'll even get it.)

I've also noticed two disturbing trends out here when it comes to employment opportunities being posted online or other places.

The first is that the wages out here have been going down while the educational and experience requirements have been going up. When I first moved out here last July there were tonnes of jobs offering between 17 to 19 an hour. Now the average is between 8 to 15 (15 for skilled labour). That's not a huge deal until you factor in that Vancouver is one of the most expensive cities in Canada to live in, and that the new HST tax our wonderful provincial government threw at us jacks our taxes up about 6 percent. This means that everything from food to clothes to everything goes up. I've seen my grocery bill go from 55 every week and a half to 85 for the same amount of food......................ARE YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME ? And I thought, and perhaps I could be wrong about this but isn't the minimum wage in B.C around 8.5 an hour, how the fuck can they pay someone 8, isn't paying below minimum wage illegal ?

How the fuck am I suppose to make enough money eat, pay rent, and have money for necessities like soap and toilet paper, let alone have money to have any kind of social life or go on a date with a girl......not that the women in this town want anything to do with me because the majority of them are self centered pretentious snots who are only interested in money and looks.

The second is the amount of people online or in person who are telling me horror stories about shitty employers, denying basic workers rights such as denying lunch breaks, withholding employees wages for no reason and treating their employees like garbage. I've even heard stories of employers firing their employees for no reason other then they know that they can fire somebody and hire another unlucky asshole for less then the person they replaced.

I'm fully aware that right now it's an employers market and they can pick and choose the best people for the positions they need filled, I can't blame them for that because if I ran a company I would only want those who are effective and not complete fucking idiots. That being said the way their conducting themselves is absolute bullshit, and these companies should be ashamed of themselves.

I also hold a special place for the job placement agencies out here. I love how these fucks advertise how they'll help find me work and never call back. I love how I have to call and email them over and over to find out if they even received my resume, only to get the run around by some snotty receptionist who is too pissed off at her own shitty job to do it properly. I love the few times that I actually do get to speak to a recruiter how I tell them all the skills I have only for them to say "Wow you have a lot of really good skills, I'll get back to you right away" only to never hear from them again.

And as for those skills in case you're wondering I have 7 years of experience in the military, in that time I've been responsible for over 8 million dollars worth of armoured vehicles. I've had leadership training, basic combat intelligence training, computer training, unarmed combat training. I've driven fucking near every vehicle in the Canadian forces minus tanks, helicopters, and jets (I'm sure I could at least get a fighter jet off the ground, landing it could be interesting) I can deal with a shitload of stress, I have discipline, I have dress and deportment which means I don't show up looking like a fucking slob, and if given a job I work my ass off. After my time in the military I worked for a phone company and drove a garbage truck so I have skills in those areas too.

On top of that I've been told by those employers that have seen my resume that it was the best they've seen, and even wanted to use it as an example to set the bar for other potential applicants. So what the fuck ?

Frankly my fucking brain hurts so I'm going to put this out there in Internet land, maybe someone out there can suggest something that I haven't tried or know of something that I can do that I haven't thought of. I'm open to all suggestions except for prostituting myself out behind a dumpster or selling smack to hobo's. If you have an idea or suggestion leave it in my comments or fire me off an email ( ), I can use all the help I can get and any idea would be a big help.

Random Hottie Of This Post

Holly Robinson Peete

Random Video Of This Post

Monday, October 4, 2010

A Friend In Need

Okay time to be serious for a change a friend and fellow blogger Gucci Mama is dealing with some painful things right now. Frankly I'm not very good at describing what's going on, I've tried for a little over an hour and....well I'm at a loss for words for a change. Below is a part of her post, I thought her words would describe what's going on better then me.
"I've known Renee a few years. Though I've moved out of state and we haven't seen each other in quite sometime, I just love her. She is sweet and loyal and smart and talented and strong. She is a giver, a fixer, a helper. Her heart is as beautiful as her face. She loves fiercely, she works without ceasing, and she sacrifices without complaint.

And her husband has been diagnosed with a very aggressive cancer. He was the sole breadwinner and is now too sick to work. We all know the state of the economy. We all know how difficult it is to find work and to complicate things for Renee, willing as she is to do whatever she must to keep her family afloat while her husband fights for his life, she homeschools her three children, one of whom is autistic. She's been a homemaker for so many years and when employers have the luxury of choice, as they do now, they are not interested in a woman who's been out of the workforce so long.

They have lost their house. They are currently living in an RV in the parking lot of the hospital where her husband is being treated. Because they have no running water, Renee and her children are going to Sassy's house, which is thankfully close by, week after week to fill buckets and jugs with fresh water. The children are growing rapidly out of their clothes, and the clothes they do have are becoming worn with use.

Right now the hospital is generously allowing them to keep their RV in the parking lot and use their electricity, but this is a temporary solution to what is rapidly becoming a permanent problem. And winter is coming. Montana winters are cruel and long.

The amazing thing about Renee is, she remains hopeful. She finds the good in the midst of this nightmare she faces. She squares her shoulders and raises her chin in the face of this overwhelming adversity even though the stress of this situation must be almost intolerable. She is holding her family together, taking care of her husband, teaching her children, and trying to make a home out of a travel trailer parked in a hospital parking lot while stretching six hundred dollars a month to feed and clothe a family of five."

Anyways the deal is this.....her friend is in dire need of help and she's trying to get her that help through donations on her blog, not just money through Pay Pal but gift certificates or items such as clothing for the family and their kids. Obviously I'm not going to force anyone to donate, times are tough for a lot of people including myself. But if you want and are able to help every bit would make a huge difference in this family's life, frankly they could really use a break right now.

If you want to know more or donate you can visit her blog, it's listed on my blog roll to the right or just click the link here MAMA STILL WEARS GUCCI.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Weekend Shout Out

It's time again for another shout out to some stuff I thought you'd find interesting. Or at the very least will give you something to look at while you're waiting for that porn you downloaded to finish, you know the one with the cheerleaders and the goat who do things that would only be legal in Mexico and only if the police were bribed a month in advance.

Anyways for this one there are a couple of sites I'm recommending you check out. The first is a relatively new blog that was recommended to me last week called Balls, Beer, And Video Games . While this blog is not even two months old it offers something that is pretty rare in the blogging world.........A GUY'S POINT OF VIEW. In a sea of shitty pointless blogs it's nice to find one from a guy's perspective, and one that doesn't deal with touchy feely inner child shit.

The next site is not a blog or website but a YouTube channel page from a guy who goes by the alias Neckisstiff. I've been a fan of his videos on YouTube for awhile now, and can honestly say they were what inspired me to start making my own. Below are a couple videos he created.

Anyways that's it for this weekend, if you know of or have a site that you want shouted out leave me a comment below or fire me off an email.....but there are some rules.

First you don't get a shout on here if you are already linked up on my blog roll or I have you're button on the sidebar unless you were recommended previously like the blog I first mentioned.

Second if the blog, website, or whatever sucks flaming goat testicles don't send me a link. I mean seriously I won't read or visit the site if it's a site dedicated to how you collect ass hairs and make action figures out of them. It's got to a be topic of thing that is interesting. I mean fuck I'm a guy that means I have a short attention span, shorter patience, and am not amused by pink lace things unless their on some woman who looks like Lucy Liu...............mmmmmmmmmmmmm Lucy Liu.

Third if you're site, blog whatever doesn't suck said goat testicles give me a quick description of what it's about either in the comments or in an email so I kinda know what to expect.

Random Hottie Of This Post

Lucy Liu
(What who else was I going to put up when I mention her)

Friday, October 1, 2010

Fuck You Friday And A Brand Spankin New Video

First off before I do my FUCK YOU FRIDAY, I wanted to share my latest video. Unlike every other video I made this one I used Adobe Premier Pro (CS3 It's an older program but new to me fuckers) So this one is going to be very different from the previous ones. Anyways I hope you like it, and let me know what you think. Also if you have any ideas for ones leave me a comment below.


FUCK YOU To the shit faced cock master who was moving in or out of the apartment building just down the street. You have a tiny fucking jeep, and a tiny fucking trailer with two bright red (but fucking tiny) kayaks on top. So how the fuck do you figure you can park you're tiny fucking jeep with you're tiny fucking trailer sideways on the fucking road. It's already narrow from cars parked NORMALLY on either side. Yet somehow you didn't get the memo to not park LIKE A COMPLETE FUCKING RETARD. You're wife or significant other stood on the sidewalk with a look like somebody used a cock hanger to give her a frontal lobotomy while you're sitting in you're tiny fucking jeep looking like you just raped the neighbors cat.

Here's a news flash ass wipe...ONLY EMERGENCY VEICHLES CAN PARK ANY FUCKING WAY THEY WANT BECAUSE THEIR SAVING THE LIVES OF PEOPLE NOWHERE NEAR AS STUPID AS YOU. And last I checked that tiny fucking jeep is not a fire truck. Oh you get extra dumb ass points for blocking three cars and a garbage truck while you contemplate you're place in the universe.

FUCK YOU to the taxi who rear ended a parked truck tonight. Wow they actually gave you a license, what the fuck were you doing to run into a parked veichle. It was a large pickup truck not a smart car how could you miss it? If you were talking to you're boyfriend on you're cell phone about designer shoes you deserve to have one shoved so far up you're ass you can taste it.

FUCK YOU to the creepy fat fucking mouth breather who kept giving me the evil eye. Yes I was walking behind you asshole, and unlike you I don't waddle like a fucking penguin. I also don't sound like walrus gasping for air when I breathe either. I also was not sneaking up on you to mug or kill you (though the thought did cross my mind) ,so if my walking spooked you TOO FUCKING BAD. And if you're going to stop to make sure I'm not a mugger then move the fuck out of the way so I can navigate around you're humongous ass, seriously it has it's own gravitational pull it's so large.

FUCK YOU to the security guard at the liquor store who was watching my every move. Do I really look like a thief because I'm not a smiling idiot? I came in to buy some beer and or wine, not start a conversation with somebody. Why don't you pay attention to the punk in the corner who looked like he was casing the place to steal something. Oh that's right you were too focused on me, the guy who isn't a thief or a punk but a guy just looking for some booze.

And on another note to you asshole I am twice you're fucking size, do you think that if I wanted to start some shit you would have a prayer.

FUCK YOU to the running asshole who spat on the sidewalk a few feet in front of me. Really you couldn't move over like 2 FUCKING FEET and spit over the railing into the ocean, is that so hard to do that you're scared you'll miss a beat on you're favorite Britney Spears song? No instead you have to share you're germs and spit on the ground where kids play, and other people walk as well as their dogs. I run too asshole and if I have to spit I make dam sure it doesn't go anywhere where somebody could step in it. It's called common courtesy jack ass look it up.

FUCK YOU to the other running asshole who was so important and in such a hurry that you couldn't say "excuse me" so I knew you were coming and could move over while my dog was sniffing another dog. No instead anus taster you have to shove you're way around me and almost step on my dog and almost trip on the other one's leash. Then you get all pissy because I shoved you out of the way into the railing and told you to go fuck yourself. Hey you started it asshole and I don't care how fast you can run I can run faster angry, especially when you call me a "fag" and flip me the bird from 30 feet away. Wow you really impressed me with that ass clown.

There I've said my piece for this Friday. It's been a rather stressful week so if it came off as angry well now you know why.

Random Hottie Of This Post

Elizibeth Banks


Related Posts with Thumbnails