12 Things I Won't Do For A Klondike Bar

You've all seen the commercials unless you live in a fucking tree in the Congo and eat grub worms all fucking day, and if that's the case how the hell can you read this....I'm pretty sure the Internet connection in the Congo is crap. Not to mention all the moisture and monkey shit doesn't work well with computers. Anyways getting back on the subject at hand, you those commericals where some guy asks some other random low paid actor would you do (insert stupid thing here) for one of their disgusting hunks of chocolate.

Now if this anonymous commerical guy came up to me and asked what would I do for a Klondike bar apart from punching him in the balls here's a list of other things I would never do for one of these.

1. Spend an hour watching old people fucking

2. Masturbate with a cheese grater and salt

3. Watch a marathon of Pride and Prejudice (including the BBC versions that makes men's eyes bleed)

4. Get in touch with my feminine side and inner child............fuck that my feminine side better make me a sandwich and my inner child better shut the fuck up.

5. Go to a Justin Beiber concert and try to actually enjoy his "music"..........there isn't enough money in the world to get me to do that.

6. Change my name to Stan. Seriously doesn't that name sound creepy, like "Hi kids I live in a van down by the river and wear a trench coat all day. Do you want to come to my van and see my puppy?".....yeah fucking creepy.

7. Go on a reality T.V. show, I don't give a monkey's testicle if there giving a million dollars if you win, it ain't gonna happen. I can't stand those shows so why would I want to be stuck with those wannabe actors. They seriously make me want to rip my eyes out with a pair of tweezers.

8. Go on a date with Paris Hilton, I don't care if she could suck a golf ball through a garden hose THAT BITCH IS BRAIN DEAD.

9. Wear spandex, sorry it just looks gay not gonna happen.

10. Wear a crotchless lobster suit and do the robot on a busy street corner.........I don't think I need to scare the children.

11. Cover myself in honey and declare myself the lizard king

12. And finally go on T.V and do one of those fucking stupid "What would yo do for a Klondike bar?" commercials. Seriously how fucking desperate do they think I am? I mean seriously they cost what a dollar, why wouldn't I just get my happy ass over to a corner store and BUY ONE........fucking assholes.

Random Hottie Of This Post

Summer Glau

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On a completely different note, hope you like the changes I made on here I figured it was time to give this blog an upgrade.