I'm On The Short Bus To Hell

This morning like every morning I was out walking my dog along the seawall. I got to admit things have been pretty calm.........almost normal if you can believe that shit. Anyways I'm out doing my thing when I'm approached by two older German women (I knew they were German due to their thick German accents, not the cheesy I'm the camp commandant and if you fuckers don't play a game of soccer I'm going to have you fucking shot accent)

Now of course my dog who's 22 lbs of fluff and the biggest fucking suck in the world goes running over to them, tail wagging, looking for attention and possibly food, I swear that fucker would run away if you walked past me with a bag of bacon in your hand.

One of the German women (We'll call her Helga) comes up to me to ask a question, I say sure. Then she whips out a fucking bible and starts preaching religious shit to me about sermons and spears into plough shears....or was it stab Brittney Spears until she bursts out in tears.......I can't remember either way I was fucking pissed. She asks me what my faith is, which I reply I'm somewhere between an atheist and I don't givee a flying fuck  really know. And this is the part that makes my blood boil, she was all nice and polite but I could see in her and her strudel eating buddies eyes they were calling me a heathen and thinking I'm going to roast in the fires of hell.

Well who in the name of Zeus' ass do they fucking think they are? Why the fuck is it okay for them to come up to me and try to "save my soul"? Do I have a fucking sign that on my forehead that says "Wanted one fat fucking German bitch to preach about damnation in an effort to get me to repent my many sins.........and I have many, some of them were at a McDonald's drive through but that's a story for another day.

But on a serious side why is this okay? I have no problem if you or anyone wants to believe in God in whatever religious form you choose, that's your fucking right and I'm not going to stop you from doing it. I personally don't believe in god, I've seen far too much to probably ever believe in god and I think it's all a load of bullshit to begin with. I find it ignorant and history has proven more wars have been cause by religious ignorance then anything else.........but hey that's my belief. I may be an asshole but at least I'm honest. But yet for my beliefs or lack there of I'm the bad guy, I'm the one that has to tolerate this shit???........Fuck that noise, sure they were polite to me, and I was polite in return but fuck keep that fucking bible shit away from me.

Why can't they figure out that if people are truly interested in what they believe they'll find a way to go to them, they don't fucking need to come to my door, and they don't need to fucking stop me in the middle of my walk.

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Grocery Store Nightmare

I FUCKING HATE SHOPPING. Yeah I said it I fucking hate it, I can't stand the lines, the screaming out of control kids and their vacant starring parents who are off in la la land. The aggressive little ole grannies who ran their carts into you're shins because they are in dire need of that TV dinner before Matlock comes on.......THE FUCKING SHOW HAS BEEN IN SYNDICATION FOR OVER A DECADE YOU OLD BITCH I'M PRETTY SURE YOU'RE NOT GOING TO MISS MUCH. Besides you'll probably just forget about it in five minutes anyway.
 
Now you may notice I'm a little more angry and bitter then usual in this post compared to my usual self, and that's because an image was burned into my soul today while grocery shopping at the nearest Safeway. An image of horror AND I'VE SEEN SOME SCARY ASS SHIT IN MY LIFE THUS FAR. Apart from the usual ass wranglers who I have to deal with when I go grocery shopping was this one fucker who was in front of me while I was in line to pay for my groceries that I spent forever trying to find because I didn't have the slightest fucking clue as to where anything was.

That image was of this old fucker in skin tight super short daisy duke shorts THAT WERE FUCKING WHITE, white like a damn 81 Trans Am rockin out to White Snake kinda white. Now I do not, I repeat DO NOT give a shit how fucking fabulous you're legs might be.............DUDES DO NOT WEAR TIGHT DENIM SHORTS. Oh and they do not bend over and expose their hairy ass crack to me while picking up change, the least you could have done you asshole is walk away........just walk away. The only dudes that wear these kind of shorts are usually out trolling for trouser snake and this dude was straight, why because his wife was right in front of him helping him unload the cart.

Now maybe this guy like many are caught in a time warp, perhaps his tiny little brain can't fathom the fact that it is not the year 1984 and that the Dukes of Hazzard isn't the number one TV show (though it's way fucking better then the garbage they call TV these days with all the reality shit) But even if he is WHERE THE FUCK IS HIS WIFE TO SLAP SOME SENSE INTO THIS FUCKER, is she challenged too? Was she drunk? Is she into that sort of shit? If that's the case, keep it in the bedroom you wrinkly fucks.

I do not need to see this shit, I have enough nightmares as it is, so please for the love of whatever god you believe in DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE UNLESS YOU'RE DRESSED NORMALLY. If I see another fucking dude in white daisy dukes I will stop what I'm doing no matter what it is, walk over and skull fuck you with some sort of blunt object......perhaps a spoon because it hurts more.

Now please excuse me while I crawl under my desk and cry.

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