Thursday, November 18, 2010

Grocery Store Nightmare

I FUCKING HATE SHOPPING. Yeah I said it I fucking hate it, I can't stand the lines, the screaming out of control kids and their vacant starring parents who are off in la la land. The aggressive little ole grannies who ran their carts into you're shins because they are in dire need of that TV dinner before Matlock comes on.......THE FUCKING SHOW HAS BEEN IN SYNDICATION FOR OVER A DECADE YOU OLD BITCH I'M PRETTY SURE YOU'RE NOT GOING TO MISS MUCH. Besides you'll probably just forget about it in five minutes anyway.
 
Now you may notice I'm a little more angry and bitter then usual in this post compared to my usual self, and that's because an image was burned into my soul today while grocery shopping at the nearest Safeway. An image of horror AND I'VE SEEN SOME SCARY ASS SHIT IN MY LIFE THUS FAR. Apart from the usual ass wranglers who I have to deal with when I go grocery shopping was this one fucker who was in front of me while I was in line to pay for my groceries that I spent forever trying to find because I didn't have the slightest fucking clue as to where anything was.

That image was of this old fucker in skin tight super short daisy duke shorts THAT WERE FUCKING WHITE, white like a damn 81 Trans Am rockin out to White Snake kinda white. Now I do not, I repeat DO NOT give a shit how fucking fabulous you're legs might be.............DUDES DO NOT WEAR TIGHT DENIM SHORTS. Oh and they do not bend over and expose their hairy ass crack to me while picking up change, the least you could have done you asshole is walk away........just walk away. The only dudes that wear these kind of shorts are usually out trolling for trouser snake and this dude was straight, why because his wife was right in front of him helping him unload the cart.

Now maybe this guy like many are caught in a time warp, perhaps his tiny little brain can't fathom the fact that it is not the year 1984 and that the Dukes of Hazzard isn't the number one TV show (though it's way fucking better then the garbage they call TV these days with all the reality shit) But even if he is WHERE THE FUCK IS HIS WIFE TO SLAP SOME SENSE INTO THIS FUCKER, is she challenged too? Was she drunk? Is she into that sort of shit? If that's the case, keep it in the bedroom you wrinkly fucks.

I do not need to see this shit, I have enough nightmares as it is, so please for the love of whatever god you believe in DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE UNLESS YOU'RE DRESSED NORMALLY. If I see another fucking dude in white daisy dukes I will stop what I'm doing no matter what it is, walk over and skull fuck you with some sort of blunt object......perhaps a spoon because it hurts more.

Now please excuse me while I crawl under my desk and cry.

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Alyson Hannigan

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6 comments:

Copyboy said...

Dude?! Did you watch Meatballs? That was a fashion staple of the time. I should whip mine out. Then again, maybe not. Alison is a hottie and a mommy now, from what I heard.

klahanie said...

Wolf, I sense your horror. And, I fucking hate shopping. I mean, fuck, the number of posts I've done on this very subject.
And speaking of old people, I stay well away from the 'reduced price' section of my local supermarket. Those 'old rage pensioners' will beat the crap out of you with their heavy duty handbags and umbrellas...
I hope you have a peaceful weekend and that the Canucks hammer the Black Hawks....

The Wolf said...

Copyboy I did watch Meatballs a very long time ago. And though it may have been a fashion staple of the age it is still fucking nasty.

Klahanie it was so bad that if I took a pic and posted it here Blogger would ban this site. I try to stay away from both the pet food and reduced price sections of the store, those old people are fucking vicious.

Kelly said...

Maybe the dude in the short-shorts was bi-sexual. Just a closet fudgepacker who got married to a woman to make others believe he was straight. We have a cousin who did that as a cover. Either that or the grocery store freak was severely fashion-retarded and deserved to get a shopping cart rammed up his ass. On second thought, scratch that. He might like it. Yeah, we see living pukes like that come into Wally World all the time. Either wearing SpongeBob SquarePants pajamas or tiny speedos or whatever they think is cool but not. Wouldn't it be great if you could just light them all on fire without going to jail?

Try to have a decent weekend and try not to terminate anyone unless you can help it. Hell, who am I to talk?

Gnetch said...

What I hate about grocery shopping is waiting in line at the checkout counter. Can't stand it.

Also bumping into people I don't want to have a conversation with.

Max Evel said...

You should have said to him , dude really ?
I hate grocery shopping.

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