Thursday, July 29, 2010

Fuck You......errrrr Fawk You Friday....No Definitely Fuck You Friday

It’s Friday, (well it will be in a few hours after I write this post it will be) and it’s time for another Fawk You Friday. Now if you haven’t linked up got to BOOBIES BABIES AND A BLOG get you’re punk ass a button, link up and let the good times roll.

Now saying fawk or any other non swearing version of fuck just doesn’t feel right to me, after all I have standards to maintain here. I mean would you seriously take me fucking seriously if I used words like curses, or you’re a big dumb poopy head instead of fuck you, and you’re a shit turbine…………yeah me thinks not. So I’m going to tweak the rules just a tiny bit and use the proper word instead.

So now that we have that all cleared up here are my fuck you’s for the week.

FUCK YOU Lucky Charms you’re magically delicious my ass

FUCK YOU to the stuck up bitches in Vancouver who stick their noses up at me like I’m dirt because I don’t have enough money or look like Brad Pitt circa Interview With The Vampire. Get a clue bitches you’re just a gold digging whore and you’re not even that attractive anyway.

FUCK YOU To the creeper, who lives near my friend’s apartment on a higher floor and spies on her and her boyfriend, get your own fucking life asshole.

FUCK YOU Kim Jong Il, let’s be honest the U.S and South Korea can do whatever the fuck they want in South Korea and you can’t do shit about it. By the way you look like a fat midget transvestite….just thought you should know.

FUCK YOU Tourists who can’t move the fuck out of the center of the fucking sidewalk so others can walk past you. Yes you’re fat slow and old, THAT’S NO FUCKING EXCUSE.

FUCK YOU to recent release of all the shitty movies at Blockbuster for this week. Really you can’t bring something worth renting into the store, is it that hard.

FUCK YOU To the 18 year old perfectly healthy kid begging for change. Are you fucking kidding me, are you too good to work at McDonald’s. I don’t care what you’re excuse is, you can find a job even if it’s crappy pay and work yourself up to something better. Or better yet join the military if you can’t find work. Oh but wait that would be work then, and you’d rather be a mooch keeping the sidewalk warm with your lazy ass. Perhaps you could find a rewarding career giving blow jobs beside a dumpster for crack.

FUCK YOU To the guy in the black Audi yelling away on his cell phone while the top is down and you’re blasting boy band music. Try turning down the stereo and talk normally into you’re fucking phone. But wait isn’t using a cell phone and driving illegal in B.C, why yes it is. So stop fucking doing it ass tard.

FUCK YOU To the midgets who refuse to put the lotion on its skin……..yeah you know who you are you little bastard.

FUCK YOU To the fat bastard at White Spot for yelling at the waitress because you’re too fat to see your own dick. It’s not her fault you’re pathetic, she’s just doing her job asshole.

FUCK YOU To everybody who gives me the evil eye when my dogs have to pee outside. What you’ve never seen a dog take a piss before, it’s what they do outside fucker it’s called marking their territory. How bout next time I let them piss on you instead.

And last but not least and for no particular reason FUCK YOU Buck Rogers.

There I have said my peace and I have to admit I feel much better for doing so. Remember to go link up, the button is on my sidebar. Grab a button and link up.

Random Hottie Of This Post

Morena Baccarin

Random Video Of This Post

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Waste Of Time And Money

The other day I received a letter from WCB (Workers Compensation Board) for my finger. If you remember from a couple posts ago I mentioned that I lost about ¾ of my right pinky finger from a truck mirror. You’re probably thinking to yourself “Just how the fuck do you loose part of a finger from a truck mirror…….are you fucking retarted?” NO I AM NOT FUCKING SPECIAL, AND YES I KNOW WHERE MY FUCKING BASEBALL IS COCK JAWS. I lost the tip of that finger because it had nerve damage from a previous injury so when it was crushed I didn’t feel it, nor did I feel it when I tore it free and noticed the end was still stuck in the mirror. And how did it get crushed…..because I was looking away at the time when I was trying to swing it closed to the vehicle so it wouldn’t hit another mirror. Also it’s not a regular pick up type truck mirror it was a large plastic mirror on a garbage truck. It also made a nice crunchy sound when it happened, kinda like the sound of fresh popcorn in the microwave…….yummy image I know.

But that’s getting off topic a little bit.

So I get this letter from WCB saying they need updated medical information to process my claim to find out how much I’m entitled……IT’S ONLY BEEN THREE FUCKING YEARS, gotta love the speed at which government bureaucracy works it’s a beautiful thing. I call them up to find out what they need and the conversation goes like this:

1. They tell me to go to a medi center or family doctor to have it looked at to see if there’s any changes, okay I’ll by that that’s reasonable enough. I’m told that after this they will start to process the necessary paperwork to get things rolling……….about fucking time.

2. I’m then told that I’ll need to see a specialist to determine how much loss of mobility, sensitivity and stuff like that. Again that’s reasonable enough. But they want me to go back to either Edmonton or Calgary to do this.

I was a little confused and asked the woman on the phone “You know I live in Vancouver right?” Meanwhile I’m thinking to myself “How fucking hard is it to find a specialist here in this city, why the fuck do you want me to go back to Alberta?”

Her response was “Yes I know, but you still have to come back here for this. This is how we do this in Alberta.”. I tell her that I’m not going to pay to travel back to Alberta for a specialist to spend five minutes looking at a pinky finger. She tells me that WCB will cover the entire cost of the flight, cab fare, hotel, and food if needed for this. WOW WHAT A FUCKING COLOSSAL WASTE OF TIME AND MONEY. I mean seriously how hard is it to get a local specialist to look at my finger and send a fax or an email back to Alberta to let them know what’s going on.

So I did a little rough estimation of just how much this will cost WCB to do this.

1. Flight approximately 150 each way

2. Cab fare at least 55 each way because the Edmonton international airport is located right in the middle of butt fuck nowhere and it takes 40 minutes to get to downtown from there if you’re doing 40 over the speed limit.

3. Hotel approximately 100 per night for a shitty hotel room with old stains on the sheets from hookers on meth.

4. Doctors appointment 50-150 depending on the type of doctor required to do this massively important examination which will go a little something like this:

“Can you move your finger?” Doctor

“Yup” Me

“Well okay then, were done here today” Doctor

So when added up it’s going to cost WCB about 600 bucks give or take and an entire day of my life that I could have used for something more valuable instead of travelling back and forth to Edmonton. That also doesn’t include the cab fare to the Vancouver airport which is probably close to another hundred bucks on top of that that I sure as shit am not going to pay. None of this would be really a problem if this was for a major injury, let’s say my whole arm was amputated. But no a fucking pinky finger, how fucking much does it cost for a fucking fax, what 5 cents, 10 for the fancy fucking paper. You know the type of paper the queen of Sweden uses to put her blow on so it doesn’t sink into the carpet and look like somebody dropped some foot powder all over the fucking place.

Now if they want to be wasteful with Albertan’s tax dollars for stupid little things like this then go nuts, get a fucking limo to pick me up at the airport with some expensive wine and some high priced escorts who are mine for the day. We could go to Best Buy and pick up some accessories for my Ipod. And then we could cruise the city laughing at all the fuckers with cracked windshields from all the rocks and pot holes on the road. Then we could finish the day by going to Denny’s and having some breakfast for dinner, and listen on the radio to some sports commentator who thinks the Edmonton Oilers (Hockey team in the NHL in case you don’t know) are going to win the Stanley cup next season even though the team was the worst in the league last season, and probably is going to suck big floppy donkey dick this season….CITY OF CHAMPIONS MY FUCKING ASS. Yes that's what they fucking put on their welcome signs by the way.

By the way did I mention that I fucking hate Edmonton?

Random Hottie Of This Post

Rose McGowan

Random Video Of This Post

Monday, July 26, 2010

Justin Bieber You're A Limp Dick Raging Homosexual, And Other Famous People I Want To Tell Off

Let’s be honest there are some dumb ass jerks out there. This also applies to famous people as they seem to have an above average abundance of T.V whores who would probably be willing to shave their balls with a cheese grater to become famous. Now I Know I’ll never have the opportunity to see many of these oxygen thieves, but if I did I would fucking love the opportunity to tell them what I think of their piss ant antics.

Here is what I would like to say to just a few of these fuckers

Lindsay Lohan

“Dear Miss Lohan, wow you are a fuck tard spoiled little bitch. I mean really grow the fuck up, YOU ARE NOT THE CENTER OF THE FUCKING UNIVERSE BITCH. Oh and by the way you’re prison stint is a fucking joke, if you went to a “real prison” like normal people your ass would get raped so many times you’d spend a month in a wheel chair SUCK IT UP PRINCESS.”

Mel Gibson

“Hey Mad Max…………..WHAT IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION NUMB NUTS…….didn’t mommy and daddy give you enough attention as a child? Seriously though what the fuck, you do all those movies, are more famous then God and you’re a total douche bag. Is it because you’re old and cranky and missed your re-runs or Perry Mason? Either way GO FUCK YOURSELF, oh and good luck trying to recover a career from your most recent fiasco”

Justin Bieber

“Dear Miss Bieber, It is miss right after all your do look like a girl. Perhaps you’re one of those he/she’s that are common in places like Thailand where I’m sure you would be very popular giving hand jobs in cheap run down bars to fat middle aged tourists. I’ve heard to date one of your songs YOU HAVE NO FUCKING TALENT YOU SISSY BITCH. Come back in ten years once you’ve “blossomed” into a young woman or whatever the fuck you are, or better yet just don’t come back. Now go away you’re stealing my oxygen.”

Jean Chrétien (Canadian prime minister from 1993 to 2003)

“Dear Mr. Crouton….Chauffeur or however I fucking pronounce you’re name….FUCK YOU. Way to go fuck head saving money by fucking over the military, disbanding the airborne regiment and forcing us to use shitty helicopters and sub standard gear. Your actions cost lives dips hit. Here’s a news flash militaries cost money, if you spend money the soldiers, sailors, and airmen have equipment that will get the job done and keep them alive and healthy so they can return to their families…….you know the ones that pay your ridiculous salary and pension. I hope you die a slow painful death ass pirate.”

Paris Hilton

“Wow a brainless slut how original. Let me see what exactly are you famous for? Oh yeah that’s right fucking some dude in a hotel room……..very classy. By the way you’re not that fucking hot either, you’re a skinny twig bitch who I’d rather punch in the face then get freaky with. I’m glad though I haven’t seen you much in the news, please keep up the good work and disappear forever.”

Jesse James (From Monster Garage not the outlaw, that one was cool)

“Gutentag herr James you fucking Nazi loving moron. Wow you fucked up royally, every guy and their dog would give their left nut sack for someone like Sandra Bullock and what do you do………YOU FUCK STRIPPERS AND SKANKS. What can I say other then YOU IS A RETARD FUCKFACE. By the way the Nazi’s lost, so your fantasy of the master race is just fucking dumb.”

To those that go on The Bachelor/Bachelorette

“Are you fucking kidding me… you think you’re going to find you’re “soul mate” on T.V. We all know it’s staged and fake as fuck. The show would have been called 20 something T.V sluts and a dude who are willing to degrade themselves on T.V to launch an acting career, but the Bachelor or Bachelorette sounds classier and more romantic (Yeah fucking gag). I would say more but you probably forgot because you’re too self absorbed with yourself……so go fuck yourself.”

There are lots more of these shit turbines who really get on my nerves but writing it all down would just give me a headache.

Random Hottie Of This Post

Giada De Laurentiis

Random Video Of This Post

Sunday, July 25, 2010

My First Award

Yesterday my blog had it’s cherry popped……No it did not go out and meet some trucker at a run down truck stop to earn some extra money to support it’s fucking drug habit. No it got its first award which will be displayed on my side bar for all you fuckers to see.

Now apparently this little award comes with some rules those are:

1. Thank those who gave you the award

2. Share seven things about yourself

3. Present this to 15 other bloggers you follow

Well that’s just all fucking magical and dandy but I’m going to bend the rules a little, why…….BECAUSE I FUCKING CAN THAT’S WHY. Yes I’ve been a little tense lately so fucking deal with it.

Now first I have to give a big shout out and thank you to Gary who gave me this award. His blog KLAHANIE, is a well written thought provoking blog that’s worth checking out if you haven’t seen it before.

As for presenting this award to 15 others I’m going to do things a little different. If you’re on my blog roll, or I have one of you’re buttons posted on the side then you deserve this nifty little award, and you know who you are. If you don’t well either I haven’t seen you’re blog before, this is your first time here (Lucky you fucker) or you’re some type of farm animal fornicating douche canoe who rocks out to Justin Bieber or however the fuck you spell his name…………but hey I would only say such things out of love…..honestly…..yeah who the fuck am I kidding.

Now as for seven things that I just know you’re dying to know about me they are:

1. I’ve almost been blown up three times, twice by my own hand. The first time I was 17 and tried to miscalculated on a homemade explosive. The other was a hand grenade that I’d thrown that was a little too close for comfort.

2. I have 9 and ¾ fingers; I lost a good chunk of my pinky finger in a truck mirror of all fucking places…..DON’T ASK.

3. When I like to relax I like to listen to Celtic music or Celtic like music such as Enya or Loreena McKennitt.

4. When I was a kid my parents thought I was slow because I never talked so they took me to see a specialist. Turns out I have above average intelligence according to him; I just thought they were a bunch of assholes so I had nothing to say to them.

5. I was born and raised on Vancouver Island, if you can’t find it look at a map of North America and look for the island in the Pacific Northwest that looks like a joint. Oddly enough apparently some of the best weed in the world is grown their….ironic don’t you think.

6. As of yet I am the only member of my family that has served in the military and didn’t die from it, either in war or as a result of injuries from it………..though I’ve come close.

7. Last but not least a couple of posts ago I was asked to display a clearer picture of my face because the ones I have up I’m either in a gas mask, head down, or it’s a little blurry and distant. Also another fucker thought I was being scared. So here it is a clear pic of my face, and I’m only putting it up this one time. By the way to the fucker who thought I was scared……….FUCK YOU AND SUCK MY BALLS. I’ll even dip them in hot sauce so you can have a taste of your mama’s cooking asshole.

So here it is

This is the newest one I have, don't like it TOO FUCKING BAD. It's also the only one I have where there's a smile on my face cause I was on vacation in Maui, which fucking rocks by the way. If you get the chance to go definitely do it, it's expensive but worth it.

Random Hottie Of This Post

Hayden Panettiere

Random Video Of This Post

Thursday, July 22, 2010

McDonald's.........The 9th Circle Of Hell

Today I was craving some good ole’ fashioned grease from McDonald’s. The last little while I’ve been trying to avoid those kinds of places. However after an almost sleepless night thinks to dozens upon dozens of drunk half backed fuck tards yelling about how fucking great the fireworks were last night (We have this event up here called Symphony of fire where different countries compete in some fireworks displays to music) and the sound of chainsaws, jack hammers, and other power tools at 6 IN THE FUCKING MORNING………WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU COCK SUCKERS THINKING!!!!!!!!!!……sorry still a wee bit bitter about that shit. I mean fuck though the only day I decide not get up retarted early and try to sleep in a little, is the day this shit starts.

So with a day already pretty much fucked I decided fuck it I need me a cheeseburger and some salty ass fries. Now I don’t know what it is with the local McDonald’s near my apartment, I’ve been to many and this one is by far the most fucked up I’ve ever been to. This place is like the doorway to hell or something, the people who frequent this place look like disshelved lost souls, there’s always some crazy woman with wild witch hair cackling in some corner, and some homeless guy with no legs who just gives you the thousand yard stare who hangs out by the garbage can outside. Today was no different, the place was packed with fat sloppy grease balls yammering away and drooling all over the fucking floor while they wait for their food.

I get in line knowing that things are going to get worse, and as per and right on time they do. Behind me is some short fat Asian woman yelling into her cell phone in broken English for starters, her conversation goes a little something like this:

“Youwanna FRIES………..FRIES??? Nobug eyher …..nobug eyher………….YOU WANNA NOBUGEYHER………..something something something in Chinese………….NO BUGEYHER?????”

And this bitch is screaming this at the top of her fucking lungs while hunched over like she’s gonna barf on my ass. I tried going to my happy place like Happy Gilmore…..I really did try. I imagined soft green meadows, a little midget dressed as a cowboy riding a wooden horse, and Lucy Liu and Kelly Hu both in sexy lingerie holding two pitchers of beer each for me. It was great, there was even classical music playing the background. But then Lucy Liu and Kelly Hu both look at me and in unison yell out “NOBUGEYHER…..Icanna destand…….something something in Chinese NOBUGEYHER????” FUCK!!!!! Where the fuck is Zeus to throw a fucking lightning bolt into this bitch for the love of fuck???

Oh and it gets better folks.

Up ahead in the line is this guy who looks a little like a young Roman Polanski, you know about the time he got a 13 year old girl drunk and rapped her and got away with it……yeah don’t get me started on that shit. Anyway it’s his turn to order and what does he do? He starts a fucking conversation with the Asian girl behind the counter for fuck’s sake (She did look like she was 13 so that could be why). Here’s the problem with that…….THERE’S ONLY ONE FUCKING COUNTER OPEN. He’s chatting her up about the weather and goofy shit like that, totally oblivious that there are about a dozen people and one extremely pissed off ex-army guy (me) ready to punch him in the throat. I yell out “Hey fucker as much as I enjoy standing in line watching a 45 year old man hit on a teenager I would like to get some food sometime today!” I thought I was being pretty polite, apparently not because RP there gets all pissy orders his food and stands in the corner giving me the “evil eye” Needless to say FUCK YOU ROMAN POLANSKI YOU CHILD MOLESTING NUT WRANGLER.

Finally it’s my tern to order.

Now I have a philosophy when it comes to doing things in public like shopping, ordering food, or picking up stuff. I know what I want before I go, I get it, and I get out quickly. I don’t bother with small talk unless I’m not in a hurry and theirs no line up behind unlike that fuck tard RP. I use please and thank when talking to the staff, because I’ve learned they tend to treat you better when you don’t treat them like shit. And I speak in a clear and concise manner so they can fucking understand me. I don’t fucking mumble like I have a cock down my throat, I don’t fucking talk down to them because I’m some little limp dick fat ass. And I don’t fucking spit saliva all over their face, even though sometimes I might want to.

As I’m ordering that fucking annoying Chinese woman decides its round fucking two with me. She stands so close to me she’s practically rubbing up against me, and by the way SHE FUCKING STUNK LIKE SHIT, and is still yelling into her cell phone this time completely in Chinese. I do my best to ignore her and finish placing my order, I’m about to pay when this bitch tries to push me out of the way so she can order. I mean fuck she puts her greasy fucking hands on my side and literally tries to push me aside, I haven’t even fucking paid yet for fuck’s sake.

My response to this bitch, I push her back behind me which causes her to almost fall into her brain-dead husband who‘s been standing beside her the whole fucking time with his head down because he‘s a spineless little shit stain that should have ended up on his mommy‘s mattress. She doesn’t say anything but glares at me with hatred. I smile and say “Would you please WAIT YOUR FUCKING TURN YOUR NOT THE FUCKING CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE BITCH!”

Yeah I fucking hate McDonald’s next time I’m going to Dairy Queen that place is always empty and the food tastes better.

Random Hottie Of This Post

Kelly Hu

Random Video Of This Post

Monday, July 19, 2010

I'm Fucking Pissed Off........And A New Video

Okay so the last couple days I’ve been fucking pissed, why??????? How the fuck should I know anymore. Between my bitchy pain in the ass ex-wife, a constant bombardment of donkey raping shit eaters wherever I walk or the fact that I can’t look in the mirror without wanting to cut my own fucking face off with a rusty spoon………which is pretty fucking angry I must say, it’s hard to pinpoint the source.

Now I like to be proactive when I get pissed off royally, I know it’s not good to keep it bottled up like I used to then explode and see if some dumb fuckers can fly (By the way my tests with this have resulted in a 100 percent failure rate). So what do I do, I run my ass off, I lift weights, hit a punching bag, or play a really violent video game (Left 4 Dead 2 is good for this by the way). Most of the time this works, however for the last couple of days nothing’s worked. This time I thought I’d be a little more creative and see if this helps and created a little video to help vent. Hope you like it………if not, well fuck off :)

Random Hottie Of This Post

Alison Carroll

My New Video

Friday, July 16, 2010

Spineless Cowards

I was always taught that if you have a problem with someone or something you either do something about it or you walk away and leave it alone. And if you have something to say you stand up like a man and you say it to their face. Of course I was taught that before the Internet became as big as it has and so with people communicating from all over the world with the push of a button saying something to ones face is not always possible. Regardless of this the same rule applies (or at least it does to me) in Internet land as it does in the real world.

Of course not everyone follows this standard and the Internet is full of little punk ass bitches who think they can say anything without any repercussions to themselves. These spineless fucking cowards who would probably shit their panties before they would say half these things in person hide behind a computer screen, thinking their so fucking tough because they called someone down.WAY TO FUCKING GO YOU LITTLE COWARDLY SHITS.

The reason I'm pissed off and talking about this is because of an anonymous comment made by some puke piece of shit on a blog I follow called Mama Still Wears Gucci. Now I've never met the blogs owner in person, but I can tell she's a genuine, honest, and decent person. Someone who doesn't deserve to have some wimpy bitch run her down. How much of a fucking coward do you have to be to try to run someone down on their blog.

I can't stand fucking bullies who lash out at others because their a coward because of their own's fucking pathetic and these little shits should be ashamed. And to the coward who left that comment you are a pathetic douche bag, and I would love nothing more then to beat the living shit out of you.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

And Now An Important Announcement From The Future Ruler Of The World

Greetings my fellow earthlings………I’ve fucking had it. I’ve had it with dumb ass politicians who couldn’t sort out a wet dream with Jenny McCarthy and a bottle of Vaseline. I’m tired of these fuckers who have no clue other then their own greedy ambitions or how to run a country. So I’ve decided to do the only logical thing that there is to do I’M GOING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD. Yup you read that right, soon I shall be known as El Presidente. While I know you’re all excited about this I thought I would let you know about some of the changes you’re future world president is going to make to make all our lives that much richer.
First we need a new world national anthem, you know something that makes you all goose bumpy or some shit like that. Something perhaps like Ich Will by Rammstein or Get Psycho by Disturbed should do the trick either way your gonna like it……….OR ELSE.

Second will be the establishment of “free fire zones” places where you can go to shoot a few rounds or blow some shit up to let off some much needed steam from a hard day at the office. Of course to be efficient right beside these free fire zones will be located prisons that only house the most undesirable scum bags in the universe, pedophiles, serial killers, rapists that sort. Of course to keep prisons from overcrowding many of the prisoners will be released into the zone, if they happen to be shot…….well what can I say shit happens.

Next the following sports will be added to both the summer and winter Olympic games

- wet t-shirt contests

- gladiator style fights (think ancient Rome)

- pole dancing

- and for the ladies 1000m shoe shopping dash

All former nations capital cities will be required by law to build 100 feet tall solid gold statues in my likeness to showcase my glory and keep me appeased………..YOU DON’T WANT AN ANGRY EL PRESEDENTE AFTER ALL. Smaller cities and towns with populations below one million can build a simple monument in the town’s center.

Anyone caught breaking the law (the new laws I’ll announce once in office) will be sent to a concentration camp happy fun camp for brainwashing re-education through forced labour volunteer labour such as breaking rocks with a hammer and basket weaving. After a indefinite short time they will be allowed to return to society properly reprogrammed……..I know sounds like fun doesn’t it?

Now obviously I can’t take over the world alone that’s just crazy talk. So I’m currently accepting applications for the following positions

- minister of propaganda

- concentration camp happy fun camp commandants

- head of secret police

- janitor

That is all

Random Hottie Of This Post

                                                                          Sienna Miller

Ramdom Video Of This Post

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Ass Clowns On Bikes And Running Bitches

Last time I checked the fucking sidewalk is for pedestrians. So when some fucking ass clown almost ran into my dog and me this morning……….well I was a little bit shall we say not amused. I asked this fuck stick why he was too fucking good to ride on the road like every other fucker who uses a bike, his response “ I don’t have a helmet “. To which I replied something along the lines of skull fucking him with a spoon, because it hurts more.

And he wasn’t the only turd who pulled this move, by the end of the day 3 bike riders, and one jogger with a nice ass but a total bitch almost ran into me……..WTF.

Here’s the part that gets me, the city of Vancouver has spent millions, perhaps tens of millions adding bike lanes, and entire trail systems in the city for those who use bikes to get around. While I think it’s a great idea, it’s seems none of these fucks gets it. Fucking bikers are all over the place like a bad case of crabs. These ass pirates use the sidewalks, the main roads and anywhere else they can squeeze their spandex wearing asses. Every time I have to drive somewhere one of these pricks almost gets run over because they don’t fucking pay attention to what’s going on or think they own the road…………NEWS FLASH FUCKERS YOUR SCRAWNY ASS DOSEN’T OWN THE ROAD THE 1000 POUNDS OF CAR THAT CAN POP YOU LIKE A PIMPLE DOES.

Last time I checked as well in order to use the road I have to have a license and insurance, the same goes for motorcycles, trucks, and those beaten up vans that pedophiles use to trick kids with candy. So why the fuck can some shit turbine on a 10 speed get away with not having any type of driver training, no license and no insurance. Does it not make sense that if you use the road you have to have a drivers license….makes sense to me unless I’m a fucking retard. It’s one thing for parks and places like the seawall around Stanley park that are clearly divided between foot traffic and rollerblading and those on bikes. Those place are mostly used by those who use it to work out and clueless tourists who look like they’ve never ridden a bike in their life. I admit I do get a giggle out of those fucking Japanese girls who fall all over the place…….sorry to any Japanese girls who read this, you may be attractive, but you like like a moron on one of those bikes.

Getting back on target, is it not the smart thing to do to make these dumb fuckers take some kind of standardised training and perhaps pay a couple bucks for a license so that when one of these fuckers acts like a bone head they don’t have an excuse. Not only that they might understand why so many people are pissed at them. They might also realize (hopefully) that swerving in front of a car and suddenly stopping is pretty fucking stupid. By the way to that fucker who did that to me last week if you’re reading this I’m going to punch you in the throat and set you’re tiny balls on fire and then giggle like a little school girl.

As to you fucking runners, and by the way I run almost every day too fuckers, YOU DON’T FUCKING OWN THE SIDEWALK OR SEAWALL. It takes a whole two seconds to either slow down , or God forbid move over. Now I know this might screw up you’re concentration for a whole second, or you might get distracted from that totally bitching Justin Beiber song………….yeah fuck that I hate that little girly boy, I hope a monkey throws poop at him and he’s traumatized for life and turns to crack and ends up giving hand jobs behind a dumpster to support his habit. I just read that back to myself and I think I might have some anger issuses………..meh,

But seriously fuckers I don’t care if you have an ass that won’t quit you don’t fucking own the whole sidewalk, move the fucker over. Here’s a hint treat it like the road, stick to the right unless you live in one of those countries that does it backwards from North America then stick to the left depending on where your going. Sounds pretty easy right, that’s because it is…………NOW FUCKING DO IT.

I'm really a happy person full of joy and love honest.......................yeah who the fuck am I kidding.

Random Hottie Of This Post

Natasha Henstridge

Random Video Of This Post

Thursday, July 8, 2010


Vancouver seems to have more then it’s share of rich fuckers. These rich fuckers in tern have massive boats you could easily live in, condos that are multiple stories (Just saw one for sale that’s going for over 6 million with about 1500 square feet of balcony space alone……….FUCK), and scores of fancy fucking sports cars, SUV’s and other vehicles that cost way too much. On the average day just taking my friends dogs out for their walks I lose count of how many Porches, BMW’s, Audi, Mercedes, Jaguar, Lotus, Ferrari, Lamborghinis, and Mazaratis that go zooming about. Usually with either some old rich fucker and his “girlfriend” who’s several years younger, or some business type jerk jabbing away on a “crack berry” about stocks and some shit like that.

But the other day when out for an evening walk with the two dogs I saw something that made me do a double take, something that stood out like a sore thumb……….a 1975 Pontiac Firebird. Where the hell did this redneck cruiser come from? And in case you’re wondering it was in mint condition and sparkling clean, you could probably eat off the hood of this thing.

My jaw literally dropped when I saw this car parked in front of a restaurant along the seawall. Not because I have a particular fascination with Firebirds, Trans-Ams, Iroc-Z’s or Camero’s (They all look almost identical in the 70’s and 80’s), but because A. This car totally didn’t fit into the norm of what I’ve seen here in the last year and B. I haven’t seen one not only in mint condition but the last one I saw I was just a kid in high school.

Naturally I had to stop and give this car a look over, and I’ll be dammed another thing I haven’t seen in almost a decade………a cassette player. Fuck me a cassette player, people still use those, I don’t even see them at garage sales anymore let alone in a car. I immediately had visions of it’s owner a former 80’s stoner who still had a mullet, and who cruised the streets rockin out to White Snake or Poison on a mix tape. Or some redneck sportin a John Deere hat and a beer t-shirt going for a joy ride while listening to some Merl Haggard or Waylon Jennings. By the way I hate country music, all it is, is redneck noise about dog’s dying, cheating girlfriends, and trailers breaking down, with the occasional song about the working man and beer thrown into the mix. Apart from Johnny Cash (May God rest his soul) and Steve Earl (Because he’s a Nam vet who was in the shit) I don’t listen to any of it…..IT’S FUCKING DEPRESSING. Give me some Rammstein, Disturbed or anything from the 90’s that doesn’t involve a boy band and I’m in. But that’s getting off topic.

Anyways after about a minute of looking this car over I saw the owner, was it the former stoner with the mullet, or the redneck that I imagined would drive this car…….NOPE. It was a smoking hot Asian woman dressed in a black top and mini skirt and high heels. Now I was really fucking stumped, but liking what I saw none the less. I guess if there’s a point to my story it’s this, expect the unexpected.

And another thing that's completly off topic I put a button on my sidebar to my YouTube Channel if You want to see all the little video's I there not of me fuckers. I should have another one made soon. Also if you have an idea for one that you'd like me to make let me know.

Above is a 1975 Firebird. The one I saw looked identical except that it was black.

Random Hottie Of This Post

Zhang Ziyi

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Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Annoying Fucking Emails

So here’s a question for all you fuckers out there ……how many of you get emails that go a little something like this.

“Dear such and such

If you send this email to 15 of your buddies in the next 20 minutes you’ll find the love of your life, your fucking dog that you haven’t seen since 1993 will come home, and Denise Richards will want to sexually harass you any way you want. But only if you send this email off, otherwise you’ll be cursed as a limp dick ass nugget for the rest of your days.”

Are you fucking shitting me with this bullshit? I fucking hate these pointless emails that are nothing but a waste of time, I especially hate the ones that mention little Timmy who has cancer because he fell down a fucking well or something like that. FUCK YOU TIMMY if you’re that stupid to fall in that well you get what you fucking deserve. Or the ones that tell you if you forward this email off you could potentially make x number of dollars from every person you send this too. Lets be honest shall we, first off these are nothing more then scams to gather emails to send you junk mail and other pointless bullshit. Second they are more full of shit then a politician trying to get into office. And almost every one that I’ve received has a virus, just what I always fucking wanted too.

Why the hell do people even bother with these pointless things…….does anybody actually take these fucking seriously or believe this shit? The last fucking time I got one of these emails years ago that told me that if I don’t forward this email to 15 friends immediately I would never find my “soul mate”…….yeah news flash fuckers I don’t have one. But being more naïve and a little superstitious then I sent it off, what did I get in return…..was it the love of my life……..NOPE. A one night stand with a really hot chick at least…….FUCK NO, you know what I got SOME BRIDGE TROLL WOMAN WHO TOLD ME SHE WANTED TO CUT MY LEGS OFF SO I COULDN’T RUN AWAY SO SHE COULD SLATHER HONEY ON MY BALLS. This brings me to my next point……..why the fuck do all the weird ones have to come after me, what the fuck did I do?

So please to everyone out there in internet land, don’t fucking send me this shit EVER. If you do I will make it my mission to track you down and fuck you up. When I’m done with you, your going to spend most of your time hiding under a table covered in your own urine begging for the bad man to stop and going to a therapist to point on the doll where I touched you. Send me something useful instead, such as videos of monkeys throwing shit at tourists, or sexy pictures of you’re mom, or coupons for beer those are always handy.

Random Hottie Of This Post

Miranda Kerr

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Thursday, July 1, 2010

Happy Fucking Birthday Canada

Today is Canada Day, July 1st in case you have no access to a calender and you live in a fucking cave. And God has a hard on for Canadians, why because we fucking rock that’s why. Sure we are known for being polite and modest but don’t fuck with us, have you watched a hockey fight……yeah that’s what’s going to happen to you’re face if you do, you’re gonna look like you came in second place in a shovel fighting contest………….you don’t want to come in second place for something like that trust me. And then were all going to laugh at you.

So I’ve taken it upon myself to dispel some myths some of our neighbours to the south or around the world may think about Canada and Canadians in general.

1. Canada is not a fucking artic tundra with mountains of ice and snow and blizzards and yeti. Sure some parts of the country have winters that can last for 6 months and it can get colder then you’re ex girlfriend on the rag, but we do have fucking seasons fuckers.

2. We all don’t know Bill or Jake or whatever the fuck their name is from Thunder Bay or Toronto. There are almost 40 million of us here, were not that friendly.

3. We all don’t say “eh” at the end of every sentence such as “How’s it going eh” or “Take off eh”

4. We Canadians aren’t all smiles and sunshine you know.

5. Even though we might not say it, if some dumb ass from another country asks us a really stupid question such as “Hey where are all the Eskimos?” we want to punch you in the throat and call you a fuck-tard. I have never fucking seen an Eskimo other then the football team and they sure as fuck weren’t dressed in seal skins looking for polar bear.

6. No we do not all fucking own dog sled teams and live in igloos. And in case you don’t know what a fucking igloo is……’s a little round house made out of blocks of snow stacked together and its what the Inuit use way the fuck up north to live in during the winter. Though I’m very positive now that we have modern technology they don’t have to.

7. I have never eaten seal meat before, nor has most of the country.

8. We say about not “a-boot”

9. We are not all ragging alcoholics who work in logging camps and wear flannel.

10. We hate Celine Dion too, and Anne Murray is a stuck up cow.

11. Not everyone from the east coast dances to the sound of fiddles and wears kilts, and not everyone from the west coast is a chronic dope smoking tree hugger.

12. No we don’t all live like the Trailer Park Boys……….fucking Corey and Trevor.

13. Yes we have a fucking military, sure it’s only about 63,000 give or take but we can still kick you’re ass with it (Remember our population is a little more then Australia’s so bite me). And no we are not trained in the use of muskets; though I’m sure we could still out shoot most other militaries with them.

14. Yes we have cities and cars and all the other fucking modern electronic gizmos and other shit, we all don’t live in the forest. How the fuck else would I make this blog post if that was the case, it’s kinda hard to check you’re email from a fucking tree.

Now hopefully that has dispelled some myths, if not you need to refuckulate you’re brain, probably with a sharp stick and some rubbing alcohol. On that note happy birthday Canada and raise a glass full of you’re favourite poison to one of the best fucking countries in the world.

Now take off eh ya fucking hosers.
Random Canadian Hottie Of This Post
Elisha Cuthbert
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