Last night we had our first snowfall, a whole two maybe three centimeters. How big is that, well it takes 2.5 centimeters to make an inch so three of these is about an inch and a half....and who says you can't learn any useful shit here.
Now even though that snow is melting as I type this out, people out here are acting like it's a fucking Arctic tundra. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? I understand there are those who live here who have come from warmer parts of the planet where the only snow they get is in their freezer, so they get a pass from my wraith, but to the locals either born here or from Canada WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS MICKEY MOUSE SHIT? Seriously they call the Canada the "Great White North" for a fucking reason, because a lot of the time our winters suck big floppy donkey dick. At this time of year a good deal of the country gets a good dumping of snow and cold temperatures, how cold well if you live in the prairies like I did for ten years it can drop from -25 to -45 before windchill (that's in Celsius) That's not always the case but it does happen. Fuck I've even seen warnings on the news telling us exposed skin would freeze in two to three minutes.
That's not the case here in Vancouver or the surrounding lower mainland, here it's pretty much green all year round, I've even seen fuckers mow the grass a week before Christmas. But yet now that there is a dusting of snow fuckers are all huddled up in thick parkas, gloves and acting like little wimpy bitches. For fucks sake fuckers there are still fuckers fucking running around in their fucking running shorts and you fucks are fucking acting all fucking wimpy SUCK IT THE FUCK UP PRINCESSES........fuck.
But seriously people it's not that cold outside, you don't need a parka, you don't need that thick scarf wrapped around you're face like you're a ninja (ninjas are cool by the way) and you don't need massive winter boots like you're exploring the Arctic circle looking for Yeti. Anything more then a light jacket or a fleece pullover and you're just being a sissy bitch, and really we have enough sissy bitches out there so grow a fucking set of nuts would ya.
On a completely different note I want to thank Gnetch for bestowing me with the Chupacabra Award of Excellence (or however the fuck it's spelt) award. Go check her blog out ................ NOW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!http://thankgoodnessforthegoodones.blogspot.com/.
It's time once again folks for another edition of FUCK YOU FRIDAY. Because I took a little time off last week this one is going to be a little long, I have to cover two weeks worth of things that pissed me off. And while the crazy fucked up antics kinda dwindled down to what could almost pass for a normal routine, there was still enough to fill buckets. So here we go.
FUCK YOU to the guy in the black Audi who loves to shove hampsters up his ass. You friggin moron when the light changes and people are trying to cross the cross walk (namely myself and a retired couple) look both ways before you speed into it. Do you know how fucking close you came to running into all three of us.....oh yeah that's right you were too busy being a stupid fuck and not pay attention to what was going on around you. Well cock jaws you missed me by about 3 or 4 inches, which is probably 2 inches bigger then you're dick you fucking idiot.
FUCK YOU to the one recruiter who thought a great opportunity for employment for me pays only 11 dollars an hour...........I AM NOT 15 YEARS OLD ASS NUGGET. I am 31 now I need to make more then that to be able to eat, live in my apartment, and maybe do something like buy a coffee once in awhile. 11 dollars an hour gives me just enough to either
A. Keep my apartment and starve, have no Internet or phone, or money for anything or B. Live on the street and be able to eat
Fuck with those options I'll be able to buy a tent and live in Stanley Park, yeah fuck that.
FUCK YOU to the bitch with the IPod shoved up here ass and her face buried in a crackberry. You walk right down the middle of the sidewalk and then when you bump into someone because you're too out of it to realize you should be paying attention, you get snotty and tell me to watch where I'm going. Sorry but it's kinda fucking hard to get out of you're way you;re majesty when I'm surrounded by people and have nowhere to move, so eat a dick and pull you're IPod out of you're ass.
FUCK YOU to the countless waves of aggressive strung out pan handlers who think there's an ATM neon sign above my head. I am not you're fucking bank, I well never be you're fucking bank. And the fact that you're homeless is probably the result of you not saying no to drugs.
FUCK YOU to the skunk that almost sprayed me last week. Hey you furry little fuck why the hate? I was leaving you alone and you stick you're tail up at me like you're going to spray some of that foul shit at me. Fine you want to play that way, let's see you spray me with a boot up you're ass. You're not on the endangered species list so you're fair game asshole.
FUCK YOU to all the fuckers on that big fancy yacht in the harbour the other night when I was taking my dog out for a walk. Do I look like a fucking clown is that why you were laughing at me? Really you're adults so fucking act like it.
FUCK YOU to all the companies that say "We need people to fill positions" and then when I send you my resume I never hear back from you. I also love the fact that you're not only bumping up the required basic skills to get these positions with you're company, but that you're also dropping the wages for those positions as well. Let's see fuck sticks this time last year those jobs you posted were between 17 to 20 an hour, now 15 maximum if you have a degree and 5 years of fucking rocket science experience under you're belt, just so you work at some fish plant cutting fish.
FUCK YOU to the anal retentive sperm dumpster who was trying to have a conversation on you're phone and order some food, but couldn't make up you're mind so instead you just fucking shout business related shit. Last time I checked THE FUCKING UNIVERSE DOES NOT......... I REPEAT DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND YOU. Shut off you're phone, place you're order, and get the fuck out of my life.
FUCK YOU to the guy who tried to start up a conversation by saying "Wow it's sure wet out today?" when I was running this morning. Really??? No fucking shit Einstein, next you're going to tell me water is made from water......fucking brilliant. Let me make this simple for you to comprehend. If I wanted to talk to you I would have, when I'm running I don't want to talk to you, not unless I'm having a fucking heart attack. I know you were trying to be nice. But don't jump in front of me to talk to me because you feel lonely, let me be asshole.
FUCK YOU to the middle aged woman in the BMW SUV who gave me the evil eye while having her coffee while parked at Blockbuster. What do you think I'm going to steal you're car and possibly rape you or something? Do you want to be raped? Seriously I'm minding my own business returning some movies and you're staring at me like I just killed you're kids or something.
That's all for now have a great weekend. And remember duct tape is the handy man's secret weapon
