It's been far too fucking long since my last video, those ass nuggets at YouTube really left a bad taste in my mouth when the banned my Zombie Strippers video. And in similar fashion they gave me the shaft with my latest little creation, not by banning it, they let me keep it on YouTube. But they'll blocked it worldwide so only I can see it on there which makes a boat load of fucking sense. So first off WMG and YouTube FUCK YOU, YOU SLOPPY SECOND BITCH.
But just because YouTube doesn't like my video doesn't mean it's not going to be shown. I've embedded it on Facebook, my website, and thanks to Facebook on here for you to see. Anyways check it out and let me know what you think of it.
I FUCKING HATE SHOPPING. Yeah I said it I fucking hate it, I can't stand the lines, the screaming out of control kids and their vacant starring parents who are off in la la land. The aggressive little ole grannies who ran their carts into you're shins because they are in dire need of that TV dinner before Matlock comes on.......THE FUCKING SHOW HAS BEEN IN SYNDICATION FOR OVER A DECADE YOU OLD BITCH I'M PRETTY SURE YOU'RE NOT GOING TO MISS MUCH. Besides you'll probably just forget about it in five minutes anyway.
Now you may notice I'm a little more angry and bitter then usual in this post compared to my usual self, and that's because an image was burned into my soul today while grocery shopping at the nearest Safeway. An image of horror AND I'VE SEEN SOME SCARY ASS SHIT IN MY LIFE THUS FAR. Apart from the usual ass wranglers who I have to deal with when I go grocery shopping was this one fucker who was in front of me while I was in line to pay for my groceries that I spent forever trying to find because I didn't have the slightest fucking clue as to where anything was.
That image was of this old fucker in skin tight super short daisy duke shorts THAT WERE FUCKINGWHITE, white like a damn 81 Trans Am rockin out to White Snake kinda white. Now I do not, I repeat DO NOT give a shit how fucking fabulous you're legs might be.............DUDES DO NOT WEAR TIGHTDENIM SHORTS. Oh and they do not bend over and expose their hairy ass crack to me while picking up change, the least you could have done you asshole is walk away........just walk away. The only dudes that wear these kind of shorts are usually out trolling for trouser snake and this dude was straight, why because his wife was right in front of him helping him unload the cart.
Now maybe this guy like many are caught in a time warp, perhaps his tiny little brain can't fathom the fact that it is not the year 1984 and that the Dukes of Hazzard isn't the number one TV show (though it's way fucking better then the garbage they call TV these days with all the reality shit) But even if he is WHERE THEFUCK IS HIS WIFE TO SLAP SOME SENSE INTO THIS FUCKER, is she challenged too? Was she drunk? Is she into that sort of shit? If that's the case, keep it in the bedroom you wrinkly fucks.
I do not need to see this shit, I have enough nightmares as it is, so please for the love of whatever god you believe in DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE UNLESS YOU'RE DRESSED NORMALLY. If I see another fucking dude in white daisy dukes I will stop what I'm doing no matter what it is, walk over and skull fuck you with some sort of blunt object......perhaps a spoon because it hurts more.
Now please excuse me while I crawl under my desk and cry.
It seems like everything is speeding up, I dunno perhaps it's old age setting in for me and I'm too fucking slow to keep up ( I did notice some of the hair on my chin is now grey.....on my chin of all places what the fuck is this mickey mouse shit? ) Anyways because things seem to be speeding up the attention spans of people are getting shorter. So short in fact that I've noticed more and more that people are combining words to form new ones to save that whole precious millisecond of time that they could have used for something else. Perhaps they want to squeeze an extra little sip of whatever the fuck it is their drinking, or perhaps they noticed some hot girl across the room with big boobies and they want that extra millisecond to undress them with their eyes ( can't say I blame them for that one )
So I thought I'd share some of these mash up's that I've heard around here, starting with the annoying ones
1. Chillax (chill + relax)
Easily one of the most irritating things a human being can say to another human or human like being. Seriously it sounds like some kind of medication to relieve constipation. "Here Timmy take some Chillax and you'll be shitting buckets in an hour". Chillax may relieve constipation in only some patients. Side effects may include dizziness, dry mouth, ulcers, burning pee, brain damage, cancer, zombies, ass hair, and the urge to act like a complete fucking ass clown. Consult you're family doctor or the guy selling it illegally from a van before using it. If some ass nugget tells me to chillax I will punch them in the eye.
2. Swhore (slut + whore)
Really it's not bad enough to call someone either one of these terms but you have to combine them. True you get points for using you're imagination, but for fucks sake this one just sounds stupid.
3. Swass (sweaty + ass)
Okay this one could serve a practical purpose. Say if you will that you're at a fine dining establishment and you don't want to announce to the world that you're ass is sweaty.......I mean nobody likes a sweaty ass after all. Plus using swass has a semi sophisticated manner to it, by sophisticated I mean it's like changing the channel from Jerry Springer to Maury Povich for one of his "You're not the father" episodes. You know the one where someone who slept with an entire football team is accusing one guy of being the dad. And the DNA results are in and YOU'RE NOT THE FATHER. At which point the guy does a touch down dance and shouts " I told you so " while the woman starts crying...........yeah isn't T.V great.
4. Radtastic (radical + fantastic)
Does anyone actually use this one anymore who isn't stuck in 1994?
5. Refuckulate (recalculate + fuck)
I love this word even though it's technically not a word........YET. Frankly it should be, and whatever cock knockers over at Webster's dictionary disagree with me seriously need to refuckulate their way of thinking. I even love how this word rolls off the tongue like a fine French wine outside of Paris.
That's all for now anymore and it would be considered effort
Random Hottie Of This Post
Lucy Liu
Yeah I know she was the random hottie of the last post, but c,mon it's Lucy Fucking Liu. Not to mention she's in tight tight leather, heels and firing a flamethrower. Do I really need to explain why this picture is here?
I have a confession....I'm all for the Asian persuasion. I don't know what it is, perhaps it started when I saw my first movie that had Lucy Liu in it (I think it was City of Industry and she had a small part as a stripper) Or in high school with all the hot Asian girls walking around doing their thing. Either way and ever since I have been hooked (Fuck even my ex wife is Chinese).
But there is one group of Asian women that really piss me the fuck off and that's HELLO KITTY BITCHES. Now what's a hello kitty bitch you ask? The term comes from my ex and is defined a little something like this.
Hello Kitty Bitch:
A bitch who happens to be Asian, who dresses like she's Sailor Fucking Moon. Who giggles like a 12 year old who's between 18 and 45, can't give you a straight answer, and in general appears to a be a brain dead annoying, immature, and in general someone you won't think twice about hitting with a car.
Now I totally understand there are cultural differences between North America and it's Pacific Rim neighbours, and being in a city that has a very large Asian population I see this everyday (They don't call Vancouver Hongcouver for nothing fuckers) But fuck these bitches are annoying as fucking hell. Is it so fucking hard to act you're age and not you're shoe size? Is it so fucking hard to look me in the eye if I ask you a simple fucking question without giggling like a fucking raging moron? Can you not engage others in a meaningful conversation and SPEAK YOU'RE FUCKING OPINION without this beat around the bush bullshit? And can you not huddle in the middle of the fucking way while giggling like said raging fucking moron when others are trying to get around you............and don't give me this shit that you didn't see those people trying to walk around you're vacant starring asses.
My tolerance for stupid annoying fucktards is reaching record lows here people, and what makes it worse is that their Asian and on average attractive, it's like a catch 22 here. FFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK............now I'm sad :(
A couple of days ago I was watching the news. Over on Vancouver island just outside of Victoria a couple workers clearing brush near the highway discovered a live M-72 rocket launcher. Now I thought the smart thing to do if you find something that could potentially kill you and you know jack shit about how to operate it was to leave it the fuck alone and call someone who does ie the police. Apparently these two didn't get that memo and proceeded to play around with the launcher like a fat and fatter version of Rambo.
Now for you none military types you probably have no clue as to what I'm talking about (aren't you glad I am and I can tell you about all this kind of stuff). An M-72 is a one shot disposable rocket launcher, this means that when these are used in combat the missile is already pre-loaded inside the tube, all you have to do is pull it open to arm, aim and fire..........of course you want to make sure nobody is behind you for about 30 meters or else they get to spend the rest of their days being called BBQ face. You also don't want any large objects such as a car or large rock directly behind you........this can really ruin you're fucking day.
This is just the latest little bit of stupid shit I've seen in the last couple of days, and it leaves me wondering "Are people getting stupider?" I mean fuck, these two ass clowns should have known not to fuck with a live weapon that they've only seen in video games and Vietnam war movies, but no they have to fuck with it like dumb asses. What would have happened if it misfired......sure as shit somebody would have gotten hurt or killed, and for what because fatty wanted to play soldier?
Fast forward to today, I recently got a new coffee maker. I get home to install it and look at the directions in case there was some technically mumbo fucking jumbo like having to install the warp coil or flux capacitor or decipher ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics like when I have to program a T.V.
What I got instead was a little booklet with nice little pictures give me directions on how to not only open the box, but on how to remove said coffee maker from the box. Then how to remove the tape covering the open moving parts...................ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME DO I LOOK LIKE SOME TURD WITH DOWN SYNDROME? I'm pretty sure that in order to take an object out of the box you do it the same was as you would the last 50 fucking thousand other boxes that I've opened. Not to mention these fabulously brain dead instructions were at the bottom of the box below the coffee maker, this means that the stupid fucker who can't figure it out is screwed. I'd hate to see that poor bastard in a position of power......oh wait their called politicians silly me.
Next I start to cut the tags of the new dog bed i got for my 20 pound fluff ball that things it's a rottweiler. Apart form the normal cleaning instructions in bold print was "Not to be used by children as a bed" Huh are you fucking kidding me? What piece of shit parent uses a dog bed for their kids bed, I can picture it now some trailer in the back 40 of butt fuck nowhere where cousins are potential dates. Billy Ray comes home from the road kill collection factory (his shed) "Lookie here ma, little Timmy don't have to sleep on dat dirt floor nomore no siry we gots him a dog bed. Now he can sleep like them edumacated folk. Fucking outstanding.
Maybe I'm just that extra little bit of annoyed with the human race today but it seems that we as a species are getting stupider by the minute. Please someone tell me I'm wrong and that I just need a nap and a sandwich.
