Saturday, November 20, 2010

When The Snow Falls The Bitches Will Whine

Last night we had our first snowfall, a whole two maybe three centimeters. How big is that, well it takes 2.5 centimeters to make an inch so three of these is about an inch and a half....and who says you can't learn any useful shit here.

Now even though that snow is melting as I type this out, people out here are acting like it's a fucking Arctic tundra. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? I understand there are those who live here who have come from warmer parts of the planet where the only snow they get is in their freezer, so they get a pass from my wraith, but to the locals either born here or from Canada WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS MICKEY MOUSE SHIT? Seriously they call the Canada the "Great White North" for a fucking reason, because a lot of the time our winters suck big floppy donkey dick. At this time of year a good deal of the country gets a good dumping of snow and cold temperatures, how cold well if you live in the prairies like I did for ten years it can drop from -25 to -45 before windchill (that's in Celsius) That's not always the case but it does happen. Fuck I've even seen warnings on the news telling us exposed skin would freeze in two to three minutes.

That's not the case here in Vancouver or the surrounding lower mainland, here it's pretty much green all year round, I've even seen fuckers mow the grass a week before Christmas. But yet now that there is a dusting of snow fuckers are all huddled up in thick parkas, gloves and acting like little wimpy bitches. For fucks sake fuckers there are still fuckers fucking running around in their fucking running shorts and you fucks are fucking acting all fucking wimpy SUCK IT THE FUCK UP PRINCESSES........fuck.

But seriously people it's not that cold outside, you don't need a parka, you don't need that thick scarf wrapped around you're face like you're a ninja (ninjas are cool by the way) and you don't need massive winter boots like you're exploring the Arctic circle looking for Yeti. Anything more then a light jacket or a fleece pullover and you're just being a sissy bitch, and really we have enough sissy bitches out there so grow a fucking set of nuts would ya.

On a completely different note I want to thank Gnetch for bestowing me with the Chupacabra Award of Excellence (or however the fuck it's spelt) award. Go check her blog out ................ NOW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!http://thankgoodnessforthegoodones.blogspot.com/.


That is all

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Padma Lakshmi

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12 comments:

klahanie said...

Of course, I know all about the weather on the Lower Mainland. Couple of flecks of snow in Vancouver and the whole city, grinds to a halt. This amuses the rest of Canada that actually knows what large amounts of snow, really are.
I was just talking to my mum in White Rock and she thinks it's really neat but no big deal.
Congratulations on the award, however the fuck you spell it...

The Wolf said...

Klahanie that's what cracks me up the most. The rest of the country around this time of year gets crap loads of snow, and a couple flecks like you said and this city shuts down. I don't think many in this city realize how lucky they have it.

Gorilla Bananas said...

And that ugly troll Salman Rushdie got to put his head between those boobs.

The Wolf said...

I know Gorilla Bananas it's a crime and a damn shame. When I think about it I weep

Gnetch said...

To be honest, I haven't seen snow ever. I wish it snows here but this is a tropical country so it's not gonna happen.

And you're welcome.

The Wolf said...

You're not missing much Gnetch. There are only three things snow is good for skiing, snowballs, and writing your name in pee

Kelly said...

Wow... That Star Wars clip fucked me up. Wait. I'm already fucked up. I think I heard Dogs barking to a Christmas tune, man. I gotta stop lettin' my friends lace my coffee with Pine Sol.

We get shitloads of snow down here in the midwest, too. Some get kind of excitable about it if it reaches about eight inches.

Especially THE WOMEN. Ho ha ho. I'll be here all week, folks- but seriously... It sounds like you have yourself a town of whiny bitchers. California gets the same way when it snows there. They'd freak out if they got an inch of snow there but laugh at a 7 point magnitude earthquake.

Kelly said...

Hey, you've been changin' shit around here. :)

The Wolf said...

Like California we get earthquakes all the time, I think were due for "the big one" the one that will turn the west coast into an island chain and we'll all sink into the sea to play with the fishes........meh fuck it. And like there people don't think twice about it here, but if there's one snowflake fuck everything gets shut down and people go into emergency mode.

I see you've noticed the changed I've been making around here, I figured it was time to change it up a bit here.

Kelly said...

OOPs. Forgot. Congrats on the award! Knew I forgot something. I shall now castrate myself and dance merrily.

A Daft Scots Lass said...

I haven't seen snow in years.

Max Evel said...

It doesn't snow in the Underworld.

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