Thursday, July 22, 2010

McDonald's.........The 9th Circle Of Hell

Today I was craving some good ole’ fashioned grease from McDonald’s. The last little while I’ve been trying to avoid those kinds of places. However after an almost sleepless night thinks to dozens upon dozens of drunk half backed fuck tards yelling about how fucking great the fireworks were last night (We have this event up here called Symphony of fire where different countries compete in some fireworks displays to music) and the sound of chainsaws, jack hammers, and other power tools at 6 IN THE FUCKING MORNING………WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU COCK SUCKERS THINKING!!!!!!!!!!……sorry still a wee bit bitter about that shit. I mean fuck though the only day I decide not get up retarted early and try to sleep in a little, is the day this shit starts.


So with a day already pretty much fucked I decided fuck it I need me a cheeseburger and some salty ass fries. Now I don’t know what it is with the local McDonald’s near my apartment, I’ve been to many and this one is by far the most fucked up I’ve ever been to. This place is like the doorway to hell or something, the people who frequent this place look like disshelved lost souls, there’s always some crazy woman with wild witch hair cackling in some corner, and some homeless guy with no legs who just gives you the thousand yard stare who hangs out by the garbage can outside. Today was no different, the place was packed with fat sloppy grease balls yammering away and drooling all over the fucking floor while they wait for their food.

I get in line knowing that things are going to get worse, and as per and right on time they do. Behind me is some short fat Asian woman yelling into her cell phone in broken English for starters, her conversation goes a little something like this:

“Youwanna FRIES………..FRIES??? Nobug eyher …..nobug eyher………….YOU WANNA NOBUGEYHER………..something something something in Chinese………….NO BUGEYHER?????”

And this bitch is screaming this at the top of her fucking lungs while hunched over like she’s gonna barf on my ass. I tried going to my happy place like Happy Gilmore…..I really did try. I imagined soft green meadows, a little midget dressed as a cowboy riding a wooden horse, and Lucy Liu and Kelly Hu both in sexy lingerie holding two pitchers of beer each for me. It was great, there was even classical music playing the background. But then Lucy Liu and Kelly Hu both look at me and in unison yell out “NOBUGEYHER…..Icanna destand…….something something in Chinese NOBUGEYHER????” FUCK!!!!! Where the fuck is Zeus to throw a fucking lightning bolt into this bitch for the love of fuck???

Oh and it gets better folks.

Up ahead in the line is this guy who looks a little like a young Roman Polanski, you know about the time he got a 13 year old girl drunk and rapped her and got away with it……yeah don’t get me started on that shit. Anyway it’s his turn to order and what does he do? He starts a fucking conversation with the Asian girl behind the counter for fuck’s sake (She did look like she was 13 so that could be why). Here’s the problem with that…….THERE’S ONLY ONE FUCKING COUNTER OPEN. He’s chatting her up about the weather and goofy shit like that, totally oblivious that there are about a dozen people and one extremely pissed off ex-army guy (me) ready to punch him in the throat. I yell out “Hey fucker as much as I enjoy standing in line watching a 45 year old man hit on a teenager I would like to get some food sometime today!” I thought I was being pretty polite, apparently not because RP there gets all pissy orders his food and stands in the corner giving me the “evil eye” Needless to say FUCK YOU ROMAN POLANSKI YOU CHILD MOLESTING NUT WRANGLER.

Finally it’s my tern to order.

Now I have a philosophy when it comes to doing things in public like shopping, ordering food, or picking up stuff. I know what I want before I go, I get it, and I get out quickly. I don’t bother with small talk unless I’m not in a hurry and theirs no line up behind unlike that fuck tard RP. I use please and thank when talking to the staff, because I’ve learned they tend to treat you better when you don’t treat them like shit. And I speak in a clear and concise manner so they can fucking understand me. I don’t fucking mumble like I have a cock down my throat, I don’t fucking talk down to them because I’m some little limp dick fat ass. And I don’t fucking spit saliva all over their face, even though sometimes I might want to.

As I’m ordering that fucking annoying Chinese woman decides its round fucking two with me. She stands so close to me she’s practically rubbing up against me, and by the way SHE FUCKING STUNK LIKE SHIT, and is still yelling into her cell phone this time completely in Chinese. I do my best to ignore her and finish placing my order, I’m about to pay when this bitch tries to push me out of the way so she can order. I mean fuck she puts her greasy fucking hands on my side and literally tries to push me aside, I haven’t even fucking paid yet for fuck’s sake.

My response to this bitch, I push her back behind me which causes her to almost fall into her brain-dead husband who‘s been standing beside her the whole fucking time with his head down because he‘s a spineless little shit stain that should have ended up on his mommy‘s mattress. She doesn’t say anything but glares at me with hatred. I smile and say “Would you please WAIT YOUR FUCKING TURN YOUR NOT THE FUCKING CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE BITCH!”

Yeah I fucking hate McDonald’s next time I’m going to Dairy Queen that place is always empty and the food tastes better.

Random Hottie Of This Post


Kelly Hu



Random Video Of This Post

23 comments:

klahanie said...

You should have ordered, that is after you wait and wait and wait, a fucking Happy Meal. I mean, you could have got a little toy Hamburglar or some such shit. Actually, can we fucking sue McDonalds and that fucking big-shoed clown? I mean the last time I had a Happy Meal, I felt the goddam same. Almighty miserable.
Seriously I hate people who are rude, oblivious to others and think the world does indeed revolve around them and their miserable little lives. I so know what you mean in this posting.
Dairy Queen is way better, for sure. I'm coming over to Vancouver for a Wendy's hot and juicy...but, hey that's another story.

The Wolf said...

Yeah I don't know what the fuck is up with this McDonald's but it's ridiculous, easily the worst one I've ever been to in my life. And what's weird is that it's in a decent area. I thought about the happy meal, but their too damm small, you have to get a double quarter pounder for somethng that is decent sized......bastards.

Gucci Mama said...

Okay, I realize that this was aggravating for you, but Wolfey, I have not laughed so hard in a long time. And this makes me want to do nothing more than go to a McDonald's with you. I really, really, really hate McDonald's, but I would trade my entire fortune for an hour in one with you.

The Wolf said...

I'm glad it made you laugh Gucci. I got to admit that is one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me. Nt only can we hang out in McDonald's I'll even share my fries with you :)

Gucci Mama said...

You'd share your fries? You are my dream man, Wolfey, I swear.

Gnetch said...

I hope it's not my fault that you craved for fries. People have been blaming me for putting that into their heads!!!

Anyway, don't you just HATE people who talk so loud on the phone??? This is why life-sized condoms have got be be invented already! What the fuck are those fuckers waiting for anyway?

And I'm so with you. Crowded places like McDonald's are such a pain in the ass. I think they should be burned.

The problem is I can't live without their fries.

The Wolf said...

@ Gucci Mama i'd even use the ketchup to make a little happy face on the fries for you. And if you asked for it, I'd even give you the pickle from my burger, and I love the pickle.

@ Gnetch so you're the fucker who sent those subliminal messages into my head.....meh oh well. Agreed Gnetch we got to get those life sized condoms out into the world, as well as automatic dispensers that put them on people so we don't have to.

Probably not a good idea to burn them down becuase then all the other places will get crowded with those assholes and they'll have to be burned down as well.....it's a visous cycle.

Gucci Mama said...

Pickles are my favorite. Take me away, Wolfey. Right now. Let's run away together.

The Wolf said...

But Gucci Mama what will all our blog stalkers.....errr followers do if were gone to some warm tropical place, with white sand beaches...........ummmm fuck them I'm packing my bags NOW !!!

Gucci Mama said...

Me too baby. Who needs blogging when we have beaches and each other? Our followers will live without us. Or not. Either way it won't matter to us. We'll be on the beach! Alone! I can't wait.

The Wolf said...

Couldn't have said it better myself

Kelly said...

Gosh, all that romantical type talk between you and Gucci is giving me that warm, tingly feeling inside. Squirt! Happy meal, ahoy!

Yeah, I hate the loud cell phone talkers, too. You should have made Mumble Mouth eat that goddamn phone. Let her try to say burgers and fries with that annoying contraption down her throat. Of course Mumble Mouth's hubby is a spineless twat. Only a spineless twat would marry a pushy bitch.

And I'm like you when it comes to shopping or ordering fast food. The quicker I do it and get the fuck out, the better. It's slow enough with some of the dumb asses that wait on your order behind the counter. Most of those people don't give a shit and I'm always wondering if they put a big wet booger, instead of a pickle, on my Quarter Pounder, too.

P.S. I saw Ronald McDonald and the Hamburglar packin' each other's fudge behind a dumpster once. The fucking clown, at one point, cried out, "Youuuuuu waaaaant friieess with that?!" That's when he gave his buddy, the Hamburglar, the ol' special sauce on the his sesame seed bun.

Dutchess said...

Did someone say midget cowboys, salty fries and white sand beaches?

This was the funniest shit I've read all day wolf. Thanks for making me LMAO.

The Wolf said...

@ Kelly are you getting all misty eyed on me or some shit like that Kelly, they'll be none of that fucker, and hey clean up your mess that shit stains you know just ask Monica Lewinski.

You saw Ronald McDonald give the Hamburgler the special sauce behind a dumpster....wow thats extremly twisted and I'm not sure how to respond to that one, good job.

@ Duchess glad you liked it, and midget cowboys, salty fries and white sand beaches go together well indeed.

Jennifer Juniper said...

Why is it that people who are not speaking English feel the need to yell?? Is there no whispering or even indoor voices in other languages??
Great post.

Christy said...

She actually touched you? OMG! Who does that? I would never even think of doing that. BTW, I am so following you now.

~J said...

Okay...I seriously just pissed my pants...a tiny bit, reading this. LMAO!

And Kelly Hu is way hot! Thanks for linking up...now I have to go take a shower....reminder to pee before I read your blog next time! ;)

The Wolf said...

@ Jennifer Juniper you know that's a really good question. I mean if we can whisper in English why the hell can't they figure out how to in their language.

@ Christy not only did she touch me her fucking nails dug into me when I got out of the shower this morning I noticed red scratches on my side. I should have bitch slapped that cow instead of pushing her away.

@ J glad I made you laugh, as for peeing a little bit it happens to the best of us. Yes Kelly Hu is very hot indeed that is until she yelled at me from my happy place "NOBUGYHER"

klahanie said...

Hey Wolf,
Just wanted to let you know that I think your blog kicks ass. In recognition of this, I have 'The Versatile Blogger Award' waiting for you over at my site.
Take it easy and enjoy your weekend.

The Wolf said...

Thanks glad you like it and a big thanks for the versatile blogger award, very cool stuff indeed. I shall enjoy my weekend, well that is until I step outside and some ass monkey looks at me shifty eyes and I'll have the sudden desire to kick him in the teeth, then some asshole will probably almost hit me with his car while bitching on his cell phone...........you know typical fun stuff. Have a good weekend.

klahanie said...

No problem. What you mention here brings back some fond memories of Vancouver. I can hardly wait for such pleasures when I get back in October :-)

Crazy Brunette said...

Go to Sonic fucker!!!! You'll get a hot bitch like me bringing out your order on skates with a smile!!!!

I used to HATE those bitches that wouldn't SPEAK the fuck up! I can't hear the cunts while they're deep throating that shit and trying to order a HAMBURGER!!!!

When people used to talk down to me, I'd smile all nice-like, apologize, take their shit back and spit in their drink. Yep, I was one of THOSE bitches. That's why if your shit is wrong you should NEVER complain. Don't FUCK with people taht handle your food unless you can watch them reprepare it!

The Wolf said...

CB spit in drinks.....I never would have seen that. Well okay yeah I could see it becuase I've done that as well to people I didn't like. I also put liquid laxitive in sombody's coffee once, that was good times as well.

Hot bitches on roller skates fck I wish they had those here now we don't have anything like that :(

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