Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Annoying Fucking Emails

So here’s a question for all you fuckers out there ……how many of you get emails that go a little something like this.

“Dear such and such

If you send this email to 15 of your buddies in the next 20 minutes you’ll find the love of your life, your fucking dog that you haven’t seen since 1993 will come home, and Denise Richards will want to sexually harass you any way you want. But only if you send this email off, otherwise you’ll be cursed as a limp dick ass nugget for the rest of your days.”

Are you fucking shitting me with this bullshit? I fucking hate these pointless emails that are nothing but a waste of time, I especially hate the ones that mention little Timmy who has cancer because he fell down a fucking well or something like that. FUCK YOU TIMMY if you’re that stupid to fall in that well you get what you fucking deserve. Or the ones that tell you if you forward this email off you could potentially make x number of dollars from every person you send this too. Lets be honest shall we, first off these are nothing more then scams to gather emails to send you junk mail and other pointless bullshit. Second they are more full of shit then a politician trying to get into office. And almost every one that I’ve received has a virus, just what I always fucking wanted too.

Why the hell do people even bother with these pointless things…….does anybody actually take these fucking seriously or believe this shit? The last fucking time I got one of these emails years ago that told me that if I don’t forward this email to 15 friends immediately I would never find my “soul mate”…….yeah news flash fuckers I don’t have one. But being more naïve and a little superstitious then I sent it off, what did I get in return…..was it the love of my life……..NOPE. A one night stand with a really hot chick at least…….FUCK NO, you know what I got SOME BRIDGE TROLL WOMAN WHO TOLD ME SHE WANTED TO CUT MY LEGS OFF SO I COULDN’T RUN AWAY SO SHE COULD SLATHER HONEY ON MY BALLS. This brings me to my next point……..why the fuck do all the weird ones have to come after me, what the fuck did I do?

So please to everyone out there in internet land, don’t fucking send me this shit EVER. If you do I will make it my mission to track you down and fuck you up. When I’m done with you, your going to spend most of your time hiding under a table covered in your own urine begging for the bad man to stop and going to a therapist to point on the doll where I touched you. Send me something useful instead, such as videos of monkeys throwing shit at tourists, or sexy pictures of you’re mom, or coupons for beer those are always handy.

Random Hottie Of This Post

Miranda Kerr

Random Video Of This Post


Brittney said...

LMFAO!!! I hate those stupid emails and i get like a bunch a day! wtf it seriously is a waste of time!

Dazee Dreamer said...

I agree with your post. I especially love the ones that say, "microsoft will send you a check for $10000 if you add your name to this list" ok, and if you believe that, I have anything to sell you, because you are totally gullible!!!!!

klahanie said...

I do know what you mean but, luckily, I get very few of those emails. The ones I do get are some sob story from a 'princess' in Nigeria and would I send her my bank details so that we can both become mega rich. Gee what a great fucking idea!

Kelly said...

Heh heh... I put that same Family Guy vid on my blog several months ago. It is great, isn't it? Me and my BUDS are dancing and singing to that song every time that FG episode pops up on the air. It's fucking hilarious... and too fucking true.

Now, getting back to the heart of your post...

Your words..."...I got SOME BRIDGE TROLL WOMAN WHO TOLD ME SHE WANTED TO CUT MY LEGS OFF SO I COULDN’T RUN AWAY SO SHE COULD SLATHER HONEY ON MY BALLS." I'll have to admit, I never get good emails saying stuff like that to me. I'm jealous. She wanted to lick honey off your hairy nutsack. That lil' honey is giving you quite the compliment. You should be flattered. lol.

But all of those others are just plain stupid. I get those kind, unfortunately, all of time. Malignant Tumor Timmy, after all, can go fuck himself in his cancer filled ass for all I care. Those requests for money or personal info are all shit from people who are shit. And chain emails are a ridiculous waste of time from people who are pointlessly wasting their time and hoping that they can waste yours, too.

Gnetch said...

Oh. So that's why I haven't found my soul mate. I ignore chain E-mails!! LMAO!

I love your honesty!!!

Actually, I recently got this e-mail that says I am a rich person. Well, it's not a chain thingy but here's what it says:

"We the money gram agent remitting office have sent your full compensation payment of 950.000.00usd through money gram, you will be receiving 10.000.00usd per day. Now we have sent the first payment to you. So contact our director Dr. Sule Aboki and ask him to give you the money gram payment information so that you can be able to pick up your funds through money gram without any problem. Here is the contact information of money gramThen contact him with your full information to give you the reference number to collect your 10,000 usd. your name, country, phone number, address/city, age/sex call or email him now so that he can provide the money gram information to you as urgent
as you can."

I replied: "Fuck you!"

The Wolf said...

@ Brittney yup I couldn't have said it better I would rather watch old people fuck then get these emails.

@ Dazee Dreamer thats too funny I've nevr got one of those ones but a freind of mine was telling me about one he got a couple days ago........fuckers

@ klahanie yeah that sounds like an amazing idea, why don't we have a bath in radioactive waste while were at it, becuase everyone knows that toxic waste will give us super powers.

@ Kelly I wish it was an email, the bridge troll told me this in person........long story. Needless to say I have my legs, and my nuts are honey free in case you're wondering. I saw that Family Guy episode for the first time last night, too fucking funny so I knew that song had to go on here.

@ Gnetch wow you turned down 950 grand from money scam........errr money gram. Yeah total bullshit scam, thats the kind of crap that old people fall for. I think you're response to them was right on the money.

Gucci Mama said...

Dammit, Wolfey, I asked you so nicely not to share our pillow talk on your blog. See if I ever offer my little honey trick to you again.

Your Bridge Troll

PS - How the fuck did you get out of that hog tie I left you in three days ago? Am I going to have to get the hose out again?

Crazy Brunette said...

So uuuum, I was totally going to say something real shitty about junk mail... BUT, now that I know you're having an affair with Gucci, I have completely forgotten my awesome witty asshole remark!

I don't know what gets my panties twisted more... You or Gucci... Hmph! You're sooooo not getting any for at least a month fucker!

Gucci Mama said...

CB - I will tie you up too, whore. Don't sass me.

The Wolf said...

@ Gucci Mama there is no hog tie, bow tie, or other knot that can hold me.......though the honey did feel good I must admit.

@ CB now now don't get your panties in a bunch your the one that gave the okay after all given your busy schedule and all and you saying you had a "headache"

I think this rivaly between you two can only be settled one way..............jello fight/make out. Your weapons will be either fuzzy handcuffs, whips, and strawberries....let the battle begin.

Kelly said...

All of this nasty talk and imagery of a pool full of jello fighting wimmens has made me stop perusing for porn for a moment to.... fap, fap, fap. There, I feel better now. Thanks.

And now, I shall go back to reading Shakespeare.

The Wolf said...

You read Shakespeare........BULLSHIT. Who are you kidding Kelly, I know you mearly keep the cover of a copy of Romeo and Juliet to hide porn mags.


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