Sunday, January 16, 2011

I'm On The Short Bus To Hell

This morning like every morning I was out walking my dog along the seawall. I got to admit things have been pretty calm.........almost normal if you can believe that shit. Anyways I'm out doing my thing when I'm approached by two older German women (I knew they were German due to their thick German accents, not the cheesy I'm the camp commandant and if you fuckers don't play a game of soccer I'm going to have you fucking shot accent)

Now of course my dog who's 22 lbs of fluff and the biggest fucking suck in the world goes running over to them, tail wagging, looking for attention and possibly food, I swear that fucker would run away if you walked past me with a bag of bacon in your hand.

One of the German women (We'll call her Helga) comes up to me to ask a question, I say sure. Then she whips out a fucking bible and starts preaching religious shit to me about sermons and spears into plough shears....or was it stab Brittney Spears until she bursts out in tears.......I can't remember either way I was fucking pissed. She asks me what my faith is, which I reply I'm somewhere between an atheist and I don't givee a flying fuck  really know. And this is the part that makes my blood boil, she was all nice and polite but I could see in her and her strudel eating buddies eyes they were calling me a heathen and thinking I'm going to roast in the fires of hell.

Well who in the name of Zeus' ass do they fucking think they are? Why the fuck is it okay for them to come up to me and try to "save my soul"? Do I have a fucking sign that on my forehead that says "Wanted one fat fucking German bitch to preach about damnation in an effort to get me to repent my many sins.........and I have many, some of them were at a McDonald's drive through but that's a story for another day.

But on a serious side why is this okay? I have no problem if you or anyone wants to believe in God in whatever religious form you choose, that's your fucking right and I'm not going to stop you from doing it. I personally don't believe in god, I've seen far too much to probably ever believe in god and I think it's all a load of bullshit to begin with. I find it ignorant and history has proven more wars have been cause by religious ignorance then anything else.........but hey that's my belief. I may be an asshole but at least I'm honest. But yet for my beliefs or lack there of I'm the bad guy, I'm the one that has to tolerate this shit???........Fuck that noise, sure they were polite to me, and I was polite in return but fuck keep that fucking bible shit away from me.

Why can't they figure out that if people are truly interested in what they believe they'll find a way to go to them, they don't fucking need to come to my door, and they don't need to fucking stop me in the middle of my walk.

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klahanie said...

Totally agree with you on this. They seem to be obsessed with spreading the 'good word' and saving our souls.
Well, screw that, we don't lay any of our beliefs, whatever they may be, on them. I think we should respect our differences. All different, all equal.
And great news! I shall be over in May to sort Vancouver out. Take care.

The Wolf said...

Exactly Klahanie let them belive what they want and leave the rest of us "heathens" alone. Who the hell is to say their any more right or wrong then the rest of us.

Kelly said...

Ugh! Bible thumpin' troglodytes. They're like a biblical plague on society. Whenever they come knockin' on the door, I either don't answer or else I pretend I worship Lucifer as my savior and roll my eyes to the back of my head and allow spit to dribble down my chin. I've never had the people from the booby hatch called down on me yet by one of these whack jobs but there's always hope.

In a nut shell, fuck 'em! How dare they push their beliefs on you, me and the rest of the world. They're lucky I don't shove the good book up their assholes.

Kage said...

so...what's the mcdonalds drive-thru story?

middle child said...

I am a Christian. What those womwn did to you was not the Christian way. No one wants anything shoved down their throat. Even being a believer, I have had the some thing happen to me. And there is no getting through to them. Kind of gotta walk away or close the door.

CB said...

That's fucking amazing!!!

I'd have paid good money to see the look on your face when she whipped her bible out and started shooting off at the mouth!

The Wolf said...

Kage I'm not telling, all you need to know is that it was better then a happy meal.

Middle Chile exactly I have no problem with those who belive in that sort of thing, that's their thing and I leave them to it. Just don't try to shove it down someones throat becuase their feeling rightous.

CB I thought I was going to burst into flames, I seriously do not like having a bible anywhere near me. When I had to swear my oath to join the military I had to swear on the Bible, I was physically ill from having to touch it. Too many bad memories associated with it that still haunt me.

Max Evel said...

I was asked once by some bible beaters , do you
know Jesus ?
My reply...yes !
He was a immigrant who is now living in this country, and is now my employer.
God Bless the United States of America !!

Mad Jack said...

I was going to be a Catholic Priest, but then the Inquisition ended and spoiled all the fun for me.

These Krauts were likely Jehovah's Witnesses, which gives you several amusing defenses. One, and the easiest, is to tell them you're Jewish. "I'm Jewish, and I figure that since one of our boys made it I will too." They get disgusted and leave immediately.

Another good one is to tell them you're a born again Christian and you won't change. "I'm a Christian and I will not compromise my beliefs." They let you alone because, well, they have no chance.

The Middle Chile had it right. You'll likely never hear anything like this from real Christians unless you ask for it and pursue the answers.


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