Monday, September 20, 2010

12 Things I Won't Do For A Klondike Bar

You've all seen the commercials unless you live in a fucking tree in the Congo and eat grub worms all fucking day, and if that's the case how the hell can you read this....I'm pretty sure the Internet connection in the Congo is crap. Not to mention all the moisture and monkey shit doesn't work well with computers. Anyways getting back on the subject at hand, you those commericals where some guy asks some other random low paid actor would you do (insert stupid thing here) for one of their disgusting hunks of chocolate.

Now if this anonymous commerical guy came up to me and asked what would I do for a Klondike bar apart from punching him in the balls here's a list of other things I would never do for one of these.

1. Spend an hour watching old people fucking

2. Masturbate with a cheese grater and salt

3. Watch a marathon of Pride and Prejudice (including the BBC versions that makes men's eyes bleed)

4. Get in touch with my feminine side and inner child............fuck that my feminine side better make me a sandwich and my inner child better shut the fuck up.

5. Go to a Justin Beiber concert and try to actually enjoy his "music"..........there isn't enough money in the world to get me to do that.

6. Change my name to Stan. Seriously doesn't that name sound creepy, like "Hi kids I live in a van down by the river and wear a trench coat all day. Do you want to come to my van and see my puppy?".....yeah fucking creepy.

7. Go on a reality T.V. show, I don't give a monkey's testicle if there giving a million dollars if you win, it ain't gonna happen. I can't stand those shows so why would I want to be stuck with those wannabe actors. They seriously make me want to rip my eyes out with a pair of tweezers.

8. Go on a date with Paris Hilton, I don't care if she could suck a golf ball through a garden hose THAT BITCH IS BRAIN DEAD.

9. Wear spandex, sorry it just looks gay not gonna happen.

10. Wear a crotchless lobster suit and do the robot on a busy street corner.........I don't think I need to scare the children.

11. Cover myself in honey and declare myself the lizard king

12. And finally go on T.V and do one of those fucking stupid "What would yo do for a Klondike bar?" commercials. Seriously how fucking desperate do they think I am? I mean seriously they cost what a dollar, why wouldn't I just get my happy ass over to a corner store and BUY ONE........fucking assholes.

Random Hottie Of This Post
Summer Glau

Random Video Of This Post

On a completely different note, hope you like the changes I made on here I figured it was time to give this blog an upgrade.


Gnetch said...

As you know, I have a suckass internet connection. I don't live in the Congo, though. I think.

How come you don't want to date Paris Hilton? I think she's pretty smart that she thought the cocaine inside her bag is gum.

Oh wait...

The Wolf said...

Yes Gnetch the Congo has a crappy internet connection, I think it's from all the monkies throwing shit all over the place/

I think you answered you're own question about Paris Hilton :)

Kelly said...

I will respond in a brief, orderly, corresponding fashion:

1. Just hearing about old people fucking is enough for me to pop a nut. spurt.

2. Don't knock it till you try it. Nothing wrong with adding a little meat to your cheese.

3. I would rather watch old people fuck than watch this slow piece of crap crawl along on my TV.

4. Agreed.

5. As always, Queeber, needs to be thrown in a cage with a big horny gorilla so he can be his bitch. He'd probably like it, unfortunately.

6. Scary stuff to think about. I still think putting one's wang in the meat grinder and givin' the crank a few slow turns could brighten one's day.

7. I think everyone involved should be set on fire.

8. Because Hilton is devoid of a brain, sticking it in her ear (which you may split open to make bigger) makes it easier and perhaps a safer entrance into one of her orifices. All other orifices are likely infected with a std.

9. Agreed.

10. I saw this same thing just a second ago. Then I put the oregano down for awhile.

11. That sounds good fun.

12. This just proves people will do anything for something so trivial and short lasting. I once fooled an old woman by promising to give her back her arthritis pills if she would walk barefoot on a floor covered with broken glass.

She did. I laughed.

The Wolf said...

You tricked an old woman out of her arthritis medicine Kelly and made her walk on broken glass.........what a twisted twisted thing to do. Did you sprinkle vinegar on the floor first, cause that's what I would have done.

Max Evel said...

I miss Summer Glau, I was pissed when they killed off Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles.
As for a Klondike Bar , I wouldn't do a damn thing for one...LOL !

Static said...

I happen to live in a fucking tree in the Congo and eat grub worms all fucking day. It's great. the internet connection isn't bad, BECAUSE of all the monkey shit. It acts as a great conductor for data transmission. I think the telecommunications industry needs to ditch the idea that fiber optics is the greatest discovery in communications technology. It's obviously monkey shit.

As a side note: there is definitely one thing I wouldn't do for a Klondike Bar. And that is - eat monkey shit.

The Wolf said...

I miss her too Max Evel The Sarah Conner Chronicles was an awsome show, I made sure to buy both seasons. It sucks that Fox canned it just like they did Firefly which was the other show she was one.

Static you know that makes sense that monkey shit would be a good conductor it's also bio degradable, perhaps you're on to something. Yeah deffinitly am not going to eat monkey shit, cow shit, or even sea manitee shit for a klondike bar

klahanie said...

Right I'm gonna' try and post a comment, again!
Yesterday, I got some message saying 'error fucking 503#, or something like that.
I don't know anything about Klondike bars. However, I do recall that some folks would 'walk a mile for a camel'. Hey whatever...

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