Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Bad Smells, Old People, And Plastic In My Soup

I thought this morning when I woke up "This is it, the curse is broken" It seems like my whole life odd fucked up annoying things have been an almost constant norm for me. For the last week things however have been for the most part normal, normal enough to make me think that perhaps my life has hit a turning point. Turns out I was way fucking wrong, I think God, or Zeus or whoever runs the show upstairs was on a break trying to bang the receptionist. Either way it's back on in full force.
It started no less then five minutes after I woke. I look outside my window to see what the weather is going to be like only to see some homeless guy leaned up against the dumpster playing with his little hobo for the viewing pleasure of everyone who has an apartment facing into the alley.......fucking awesome I know, just what everyone wants to see at 7 in the morning is some dirty middle aged homeless guy jerking off and talking to himself. I go onto the balcony and tell the fucker to take it somewhere else (preferably somewhere where I will never be)

Thinking the worst is over I go to my friends place to run some errands and go for lunch. I don't know what the fuck died in her building but almost everywhere apart from the front smelt like a combination of vinegar, old man feet, and sweaty ass. But what was really odd was that nobody seemed to notice it, I mean fuck it was so strong it could choke a donkey, it was making my eyes water especially in the parking lot. I'm thinking either people are trying to ignore it OR I FUCKING STINK. After a quick awkward sniff check I concluded it wasn't me. And as bad as it was it disappeared just as quickly. After an hour it was I'm being stalked by a ghost that smells like shit, just my luck.

Then it's off for some lunch. We go to some little hole in the wall Chinese restaurant that normally serves pretty good food. Today though somebody I think wanted me dead. I'm almost finished my soup when I almost choke on something hard (get you're mind out of the gutters fuckers I don't swing that way) I spit it out and there is a large chunk of clear plastic sitting on the table. What the fuck plastic are you kidding me, who was the twinkled toed little fuck who thought slipping me some plastic was a great fucking idea. Accident or not those bastards are lucky that I didn't choke on it, and that I know how to do the Heimlich or however it's spelt on myself. And if I couldn't get it out, before I die I would make dam sure at least one of those cooks is gonna die.

It was off to get some grocery's next........WHAT A CLUSTER FUCK. The whole place was packed full of dull eyed zombie assholes staggering around looking for kidney's beans, spinach, and cat food. One thing I've learned when old people go grocery shopping is that they become super aggressive. One old bitch who was close to 90 I'm guessing rammed me three times with her cart even though I couldn't move. She even called me an asshole.....what the fuck? If granny wasn't so old I would have rammed my cart right back into her. And if they weren't hitting me with their cart they would stand right in the middle of the fucking aisle and drool away as they comprehended the fucking price of a can of chicken soup. I mean fuck EITHER GRAB THE FUCKING SOUP OR MOVE ON YOU BROKE DICK FUCK NUT.

And it didn't end once I got out of the grocery store either, a horde of them tried to push their way into the tiny elevator that goes to the parking lot. We all somehow manage to fit, but once we get to our floor, even though they had to get off to they just stand their confused and bitchy. They literally just stood their with this dazed confused glare on their faces. I had enough at this point and fucking snapped. I bash my way passed the fuckers, I don't care how old they were, or frail at this point it was game fucking on, I have patience but not that much fucking patience.

Yeah the gods are up to their bullshit with me as per usual

Random Hottie Of This Post

Random Video Of This Post


Gucci Mama said...

Wolfey, you need a stiff drink and a relaxing massage. Come on over.

middle child said...

Sorry, but I removed a few words here and there in your post and it became blatently sexual. Is it just me?

The Wolf said...

Gucci that sounds like a dam good idea

Middle Child blatently sexual????? I'm just describing the weird stuff that happened today. Sure it involved a homelss guy getting off in public, but hey that's what happened. I think it's just you......but I've been wrong before.

Gnetch said...

Life can be shitty sometimes. I think Zeus is doing some major power tripping on us.

The Wolf said...

I think Zeus is being an asshole right now Gnetch. Him and any other fuckers who run things upstairs.

A Daft Scots Lass said...

I'll bet it was a tight fit in that elevator. Thats Fucking HAWT (unless, of course, you were squished next to that fucking homeless Bloke spankin his stinkin monkey).

Max Evel said...

The homeless need love too .

I see you have my favorite video up.
That one always makes me laugh.

The Wolf said...

@ A Daft Scots Lass it was tight indeed, and not the good kind of tight either. Fortunatly it wasn't the homeless guy it was two bitching old women who stunk like piss, and some crazy guy with a shopping cart full of cardboard....good times had by all.

@ Max Evel I'm sure they do, their just not getting it from me.

Yeah that video is fucking awsome, it's not even funny how twisted it is, t's fucking hilarious.

Anonymous said...

WIth this cooking by the book video there must be an element of force-feeding involved.

The Wolf said...

That's a good point Echo Phyber, a very good point indeed

aims said...

lmao this was awesome but i REALLY wanna check the 'watching old people fuck' button.. just cause i never have..... and cause it would mean i could say i had? right? haha ;)
loved it!

The Wolf said...

Glad you liked it Aims. If you want to check the "watching old people fuck button" you have my permission to go nuts.

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