Thursday, October 14, 2010

Holy Purple Monkey Balls It's Fuck You Friday Time

Okay so this one is a little early, but hey my blog my rules don't like it go see if you can fly on a bridge. Anyways this week was for the most part pretty reasonable, almost and I quote "normal". Frankly I'm not used to normal or quiet or even peaceful, those just aren't words that pop up in my vocabulary, but this week was for the most part those things if I had to describe it. That doesn't mean however that there was a shortage of fuck tards and assholes. It just means that those few fuck heads went above and beyond the call of duty to be a grade A douche bag. So here we go.

FUCK YOU to the shitty little skunk that almost sprayed me last night. Okay fucker how the hell am I suppose to see you when you're half under some bushes and it's pitch black out because there's no street lights on for some reason. And then when you can see that I've stopped and not coming any closer you insist on walking up to me with you're fucking tail in the air. What do I look like someone who ran over you're mother or something? Fuck you skunk you're mother was probably as big of an asshole as you, she was also probably a whore and let all the stray dogs and cats and probably the odd homeless bum have their way with her. I see you again fucker I'm going to turn you into a hat.

FUCK YOU to the creepy douche bag who was too busy looking at his phone to watch where he was going and stepped on my foot. HOW ABOUT YOU LOOK THE FUCK UP AND WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING NUMB NUTS. Last time I checked you don't own the fucking sidewalk.

FUCK YOU to the fat fucking meter maid asshole who gave me a parking ticket the other day when I went to drop my dog off to be boarded for the day. Really you had to give me a ticket, clearly you could see that I was just dropping off my dog since my car was still running and the hazards were on. And you had no problem letting that guy from Canada Post park their last week for half an hour as you walked past eating a chocolate bar. But no you had to be a prick to me, why was it because I was driving a car that's probably nicer then? Was it because I don't look anywhere near as pathetic as you do, or is it because you're trying to make up for the shortfalls in you're life (you're entire life).

I personally love how you sat there with a fucking Mars bar in you're greasy fat mitt of a hand sucking away at it as you tried to be all authoritative with me FUCK YOU COCK KNOCKER you have no authority other then handing out tickets fuck face. Oh and on an extra note I remember you from last month when you gave an elderly woman a parking ticket because she was lost and pulled over to look at her map. Wow what a big man you were that day running over as fast as you could printing up a ticket at the same time, tell me did you're bitch tits hurt from all the bouncing? You couldn't even give her directions when she asked how to get to whatever address, you simply told her "It's not my job pay you're ticket" Not only do you deserve a big fat FUCK YOU but if I see you again pulling shit like that after I publicly humiliate you by kicking you're ass I will do everything I can to let you're superiors know what kind of fucking Nazi glue bag you are.

FUCK YOU to the bearded clam motherfucker who almost ran me over last night. I don't know what part of the world you got you're drivers license from, but in this country you fucking not only look to see if traffic is coming, but you check for pedestrians at the intersection. I don't know if you were perhaps trying to look around that white Escalade that was beside you or you were trying to see the 20 something Asian chick in the passenger seat of that said Esclade either way PAY THE FUCK ATTENTION TO YOU'RE SURROUNDINGS.

Then after you almost ran me over you stare at me in confusion as I yell at you, even that Asian chick was shaking her head and calling you a stupid fuck, but you didn't seem to get it. Seriously if you're that fucking stupid perhaps you should consider not driving a car anymore and stick to public transportation. If it had been a kid instead of me the other night you would have ran them over and probably killed them, and the vibe I got from you is that you would panic and drive away rather then face it and try to help, and that truly scares me.

FUCK YOU to Blockbuster how fucking hard is it to organize you're movies in a way that everyone can find them. Since you renovated you're store I can't find shit other then movies that have 50 fucking copies for rent. The only redeeming quality that makes me come back to you're fucking store is the hot Australian girl who works there (There's something about women with accents). Apart from that you're store pisses me the fuck fail.

Well that's it for this week I've given out all the fuck you's to those deserving.

Random Hottie Of This Post

Natalie Portman

Random Video Of This Post


Anonymous said...

I hate parking tickets.The other day I got fined for driving across parking lot.

Copyboy said...

Guess CB and boobies got to you. haha

Kelly said...

Blockbuster videos is doing that here, too. Can't find shit from diamonds. Whatever you do... Don't make somebody a skunk hat this Christmas. They make your head smell like a heavily used douche bag. I think there's a neighbor lady that makes them who close by. Something's fishy about her.

The meter maid does sound like a little bitch. He needs that candy bar rammed up his ass. Eh, scratch that idea. He'd probably like that sort of thing. He'd probably pull it out of his spincter and eat it anyway, too.

All in all, it sounds like you had one hell of a dandy as fuck week. Have an equally great or even better weekend.

klahanie said...

"FUCK YOU to the creepy douche bag who was too busy looking at his phone to watch where he was going and stepped on my foot."
So, did he at least apologise?
I like chicks with foreign accents. And like almost every lady I meet has a foreign accent. Hang on...evidently I'm the one with the foreign accent.
Have a good weekend eh.

The Wolf said...

For driving across a parking lot? Well how the fuck are you suppose to get to the street if you don't Echp Phyber that's ridiculous.

Not sure what you mean Copyboy

I think Kelly becuase BlockBuster is losing tonnes of money to online movie rentals such as Netflix or people just downloading movies using bit torrents and things that this is there way to get revenge.

No Klahanie he didn't, even though he knew what he did because he tripped when he stepped on my foot. As for chicks with accents oh yeah they fucking rock. Since you're a canuck in exile you should exploit that accent of yours over there. Tell them you're a lumberjack or fur trader or something they love that shit.

Kelly said...

Yeah, the video stores are closing up fast around here because of online rental sites like Netflix. That sucks for me because I'd rather rent my videos from a real store. I'm not much on giving out a lot of info online for all to see and use against me (like credit card numbers, social security number and all the rest). When I asked a relative about Netflix, she said they want your credit card number online. I don't do that. Nope. Damn them. damn them all to hell.

I read CB's "last" post. That was surprising. Take care.


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