Monday, March 21, 2011

1st Annual Douche Bag Awards

This month marks the 1 year anniversary of this fine little blog of mine. I mean fuck can you believe it's been a year, though I'm positive this event will be a milestone in human history. First we discovered fire, then split the atom, and now this blog......okay that's just a tab bit grandiose but you get the drift.

To celebrate this anniversary I will not do the following

1. I will not give you fuckers money, sorry what can I say I'm a cheap asshole deal with it.

2. I will not give away shit, again refer to number 1

3. I will not engage or, or have engaged on me sexual relations with farm animals. However mythological creatures are acceptable. Besides unicorns are fucking sexy, or at least a donkey painted white with a carrot glued to their forehead.

What I will be doing is something a little different, the first annual Douche Bag Awards. How it works is like this. Below will be a bunch of categories (kinda like the Oscars but without the fake transparent bullshit) those who win well get a lovely award, well not really an award per say more like a nice half soaked piece of paper I found in a dumpster and I'll scribble something on it in crayon. This will then be rolled into a fine little scroll and sealed in whatever sticky substance I can find on the street to be delivered to the shit stain who deserves such a grandiose fucking award.

On top of that I won't be doing the nominations, I leave that up to you guys. Leave in the comments who you think deserves what award and who ever is nominated the most wins.

And The Categories Are

1. Most likely a coked out transvestite

2. Probably a nice guy but I still want to punch him in the nuts

3. Deserves to be fed feet first into a wood chipper

4. If I hear this bitch one more time I will start a shooting spree in a fucking mall

5. Please eat shit and die as fast as humanly possible, I mean seriously I will pay you to stop traffic with your face

6. The worlds biggest oxygen thief

7. This bitch needs to shut the fuck up and make me a sandwich

8. The poster child for abortion

9. It's because of this person I drink

10. Why were you born ?

11. Will the mother ship please pick you the fuck up already

12. Shut your fucking face already

13. Sure your famous now but in a couple of years you'll be living in a dumpster giving hand jobs for crack

And finally

14. The world's biggest douche bag

Leave in the comment section below who you think deserves what. Leave as many comments as you want and pass the word I want to see a shit load of suggestions. I'll post who won what by April 10th so that gives you lots of time to nominate whichever skid mark you think deserves this.

Random Hottie Of This Post


Heidi Klum

Random Video Of This Post

7 comments:

A Daft Scots Lass said...

1. Most likely a coked out transvestite. Bonzi Wells

2. Probably a nice guy but I still want to punch him in the nuts. Elmo

3. Deserves to be fed feet first into a wood chipper. Justin Bieber

4. If I hear this bitch one more time I will start a shooting spree in a fucking mall. Kim Kardashian

5. Please eat shit and die as fast as humanly possible, I mean seriously I will pay you to stop traffic with your face. Tila Tequila

6. The worlds biggest oxygen thief. Victor Meldrew

7. This bitch needs to shut the fuck up and make me a sandwich. Cow from Cow and Chicken.

8. The poster child for abortion. Marilyn Manson.

9. It's because of this person I drink. Rosie O'Donnell

10. Why were you born ? Jim Carey

11. Will the mother ship please pick you the fuck up already. Tom Cruise.

12. Shut your fucking face already. Perez Hilton.

13. Sure your famous now but in a couple of years you'll be living in a dumpster giving hand jobs for crack. Ted Williams

And finally

14. The world's biggest douche bag. Kayne West.

PhotoClasher said...

12. Shut your fucking face already, I could give to a few co-workers. Wait !
I already do .

Gnetch said...

Haha. I love this. But I have only one nominee in mind. Shut your ucking face already should go to Rebecca Black. The female version of Justin Bieber.

klahanie said...

I nominate the entire cast of that fucking crap to the point of gut-wrenching, vomit-inducing, puke fest, that is Glee Club. Gosh, you're such a Gleek, giggle, giggle.....
Oh and gosh n' stuff, congratulations on your one year anniversary of writing this here lil' ol' blog eh!

Mad Jack said...

Nice. Congratulations for making to the one year mark. I'll submit my nominees later on. After my morning bourbon.

Kelly said...

Congratulations on your first year blog anniversary, man. I think it's a real accomplishment in the world of blogging if you can stay the course for that long and still keep pumpin' out quality shit- like you do. Kudos to ya and cheers, too!

As far as nominating those that deserve it... I can honestly, and this is no cop out, think of one person- no, make that two people who can fill all those categories just perfectly.

Charlie Sheen And Snooki

I like ol' Charlie in 2 and a Half Men alright, but he's proven himself to be any of those descriptions you gave out above in real life. Ditto for the pancake made up ugly ass ho, no talent wannabe and shouldn't be- Snooki.

Take care, friend

The Wolf said...

@ A Daft Scots Lass thanks for the nominations I couldn't agree with you more

@ PhotoClasher coworkers like it when you tell them that, just like secreteris like to be slapped on the ass.........or at least so I've been told.


@ Gnetch I thought Beiber was female now they have this Rebecca Black bitch......fuck that's it I'm ending it now.

@ Klahanie thanks I can't belive it's been a year already. As for Glee yeah I can't stand those sissy bitches, they make me want to kill.

@ Mad Jack thanks, morning bourbon sounds pretty damm good especially now that Gnetch told me about Rebecca Black

@ Kelly thanks, Snooki and Charlie Sheen are theyr own special brand of human train wreck, though at least Charlie is entertaining. Snooki is just a fucking bridge troll.

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