Sunday, March 13, 2011

Tourist Stuff

If your wondering where I've been for the last week I've been spending some time in Cabo San Lucas Mexico, soaking up some sun, and comsuming my fair shair of Tequila. (You would be too if you looked at some of the deals for hotels and airfare online before spring break it was fucking dirt cheap)

Now Cabo was fucking outstanding, the hotel staff were fanfuckingtastic, the weather was fucking outstanding and hot, and the booze went down smoother then a well trained escort (Or so I've been told at least). But while everthing on the Mexican side of things was great there was one thing that irratated the shit out of me... THE TOURISTS. For my entire stay the hotel has been filled with just Canadians and Americans and I have to say there were thngs both groups did that made me shake my head and ask "What the fuck is wrong with these ass tards?"

Don't get me wrong there was some people who I met who were pretty fucking on the level, but it seemed as if both counties shipped every possible asshole, fuck tard, reject, and dumb ignorant fuck it could to get some breathing space for a week or two. So I thought I would put it all into a nice neat little list of stupid ignorant shit you should not do, say or ask when you go on your next vacation.

First The Canadians

1. To you fucking flakey weird fucks from Toronto WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU. Every one of you that I met down here was fucking off hinged in some way. Either you would give me a look like I was a fucking purple headed alien when I said hi. Or you would bullshit about how fuckng great you are, pretend to be freindly and then fuck off and never speak to me or those I was with again. What the fuck happend to having a normal fucking conversation assholes?

2. To the fucking ass clown who thought he was a big shot (You know who you are with your fucking cowboy hat pretending your from Texas) I don't give a runny shit if your richer then astronauts, in fact nobody fucking cares for that matter. SO quit fucking acting like your God's gift to the world. MInd you I should thank you for one thing, the girl who worked the lobby bar has a nice ass and becuase you were throwing her money left and right I got free reign to stare at it. But for fuck's sake I didn't want to do it sober, let the rest of us get some fucking booze.

3. And last but not least I don't care how fucking nice and polite you are. DOn't come up to me and ask me personel questions about my life, what I do, who I do it with, and how when I've never met you before. Perhaps your lonley and just wanted to talk, and if that's the case you could have simply said "Hello" or "Hi". Of course I would have been way fucking nicer to you if you weren't a 70 year old man. Sorry fucker I don't swing that way.

And Now For The Americans

1. First off read a fucking book, a map, or use the internet once in awhile other then to look at what fucking shit Charlie Sheen is spewing about. (I should point out that not everyt American was this fucking rude just a handful who really got on my nerves) I am not the following

a. A lumberjack
b. A fur trader
c. An Eskimo

I do not live in a fucking igloo and eat fucking seal meat all day while praying for one day without snow so I can fix my fucking dog slead. I know what country music is, I know what Wall-Mart is (we have them too and we hate them just as much as you do). And the reason why I don't say "eh" at the beginning of every sentence ,and "aboot" instead of "about" is becuase I'm not a fucking retard you shit stain. It's a fucking sterotype, sure there are some that do but myself and every one of the thousands of Canadians I know DON'T FUCKING SOUND LIKE THAT.

2. Learn to fucking tip for fucks sake. The staff don't exactly make a shit load of money so one or two dollars here and there isin't going to really hurt you. DON'T BE SO FUCKING CHEAP.

3. I don't fucking care how fucking great you think you are, but when I can hear you brag about what kind of car, stocks, 20 something year old with fake tits your banging because you discovered Viagra, or how many homes you own over the fucking music at the pool it's time to learn to SHUT THE FUCK UP. Nobody but you cares we all think your an asshole or full of shit or both, so keep it the fuck down....please.

4. While I think it's great that your proud of America and I think you should be, don't shove it in my face. I'm as proud to be Canadian as you are American, but I don't want to fucking hear how fucking much better you think you are over anyone else. Perhaps you should do some reasearch online because we Candians tend to live longer, are heathier, are happeir (well except for me perhaps but fuck it) and people around the world kinda like us better. Perhaps that's why I was getting my drinks before you.....just a thought.

Anyways that's all I have to bitch about for now until I get back home and some other asshole decides to fuck with my oxygen.

Random Hottie Of This Post


Kelly Brook

Random Video Of This Post



P.S

If your wondering why there are mre spelling errors then normal, it's because Blogger's spell check is being fucking retarted and highlighting almost every word so I can't tell which ones are correct or wrong.

9 comments:

PhotoClasher said...

We Americans have lots of healthy smog, and proud of it, and will never let you smoke in a bar .
We are special.

Gnetch said...

At least you had a vacation. And thank you for posting a T2 video. I miss the times when Edward Furlong was still cute and yummy.

Kelly said...

Are you sure you're not a lumberjack? You're always carrying around that big sharp ax. And you're always wearing a flannel... whoa... hey, easy there... don't cut my head- *SPLAT*

Sounds like you had a decent time in Mexico, despite the rude and arrogant retards from both sides of North America. I think the only reason I'd go to Mexico is for the tequila- oh, and to swim with the dolphins in Cozumel- that was fun.

Gorilla Bananas said...

I don't mind men talking about Viagra. Admitting they need drugs to get it up is a sign of humility. The last Canadian woman I spoke to said "aboot".

The Wolf said...

PhotoClahser nothing wrong with some good ole fashioned smog. That shit puts hair and cancer on your balls.

Gnetch you think Eddie Furlong was yummy.....I don't know what to say about that one.

Gorilla Bananas I do agree for the most part with you. But it's one thing to go "Hey I found this cool little pill that gives me wood" to "I'm a rich arrogant prick who thinks their the greatest human alive" As for hearing someone say aboot I've never heard anyone apart from those making fun of Canadians say it. Could be that I'm from the west coast and we don't use it here.

Kelly Mexico is fucking awsome this is my second time in Cabo and I'd deffinitly come back again. You know you had a good time when you end up at a bar called and I shit you not THe Happy Ending

klahanie said...

Now then dude, if our American buddies want to know what a 'real' Canadian is, they should check out Bob and Doug McKenzie eh.
Make sure you got your lumber jacket nice and clean and your snow shoes are ready outside your igloo, unless you decide to ride your polar bear, instead eh.
Look on the bright side, the Canucks are the best team in the NHL and your 'friends' in Toronto got the Maple Leafs...nuff said.
See you later eh, you hoser! :-)

The Wolf said...

How true Klahanie though they did do a good job against Buffulo the other night, I was actually able to watch the game in the resort lobby of all places.

Now I'm off to harvest some maple syrup for my pancakes, after which I will cut down the mightest pine trees in the forest and wrestle a grizzily bear

Mad Jack said...

I keep forgetting you're a Canuk, eh? Bad weather, bad beer... and I hear the women have hair on their chests. Hey, if I were you I'd get down to Mexico too!

It sounds like you had a good trip in spite of the arrogant assholes at the club, and that's always a good thing. You glad to be home? How's the dog?

The Wolf said...

Mad Jack bad weather, bad beer, and hairy women....did you recently visit Romania? Mexico was awsome can't wait to go back it was a blast and met tonnes of great people from both sides of the border. Very glad to be home and the dog has an ear to ear smile, I just picked him up from boarding this afternoon.

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