Thursday, March 25, 2010

Fat Chicks And Gay Dudes

Riddle me this, I don’t know what the hell it is but there are two groups of people who seem really into me. Those two groups are gay men and fat women. What the fuck am I doing to attract these two types? First off I’m straight and no I’m not into chubby chasing. While I have no problem if a girl has a couple extra pounds I do have a problem when they have a couple hundred extra. It doesn’t seem to matter if I look grubby looking, clean cut, pissed off, shit faced, or in any other state of disappear. It’s gotten to the point in some cases where I’ll be minding my own business and BAM some humungous woman just gave me the ole reach around technique. At first I’m flattered and surprised, then I turn around and like those Nazi’s from Raiders of the lost Ark my face melts as I stand there screaming.
And it doesn’t end at the bars either. When I was living in Edmonton they would be out in full force when I was working as well. There was even one occasion where two of them started making out with each other in an attempt to gain my attention. The description that best describes this incident is that off two rather large hams left out in the sun for a couple of days. Then placed together in a large Ziploc freezer bag and left to fester for lets say about a week. Then after al the yummy juices start flowing take that bag with the hams still inside and start provocatively rubbing them together while singing Seal’s Kiss From A Rose………disturbed yet? I know I am…….who wants ham?

The other group are gay men, now before you start thinking that I’m going to bash them let me stop you right there. I have no problem with people who are gay or lesbian, that’s their choice and I don’t care. Most of them are pretty decent people to boot. But it’s that one percent that pisses me off royally. The aggressive “Oh If I grab this guy’s ass they’ll want me” type.

The last time I had this happen was just before the winter Olympics. I was in line to pick up some tickets. There was a massive line because of the few tellers working. So there I am minding my own business and about 20 minutes into the wait I feel something brush up behind me. Thinking nothing of it since the line was pretty tight I simply ignored it and tried to move out of the way. Then the fun begin, about five minutes later I feel a full on ass grab. Stunned I turned around to find not some girl but a short hairy fat French guy smiling at me and batting his eyes at me. Well I fucking loose it; I grab the guy by the throat and slam him against the concrete wall. Two cops break it up all while a Japanese film crew was doing a news broadcast.

Needless to say that was a pretty crappy day.


Random Hottie Of This Post
Halle Berry

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