Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Battle Shits

This morning was a very shitty one literally, here’s how it went down. At approximately 09:45 hrs pacific mountain time I felt the need to do some paper work. So off I wonder to the can to discover one of my house guests who’s from out of town didn’t flush the toilet. No big deal right, well that’s what I thought at first. So before I do my thing I decide to flush the old shit down, I don’t want cross contamination after all, and that as they say is when the shit hit the fan, literally. The toilet backed up bubbling up a slew of shit chunks and brown water, I know yummy right.
At this stage of the game things weren’t too bad……this was however the calm before the storm. So doing the next logical thing I went to the storage room and got ye old trusty bucket and plunger, not the traditional type this one has a pump for that little extra push. I stuck it deep in the shit and began to pump away. After a few good pumps it sounded like it was draining and the water actually started to recede. Feeling victories I flushed to wash it down to wherever the shit goes.

That’s when the shit bomb went off, not only did it back up it came back with a vengeance spewing shit from the bowels of hell itself. To try to stem the tide I rapidly shoved the plunger back in. This time because there was so much water and crap coming up then when I tried to pump the plunger I was getting an oh so tasty back spray of shit, chunks of toilet paper and what appeared to be the remains of several carrots all had my name on it. With every couple of punks a spray of this fine mess would soak my clothes, I wasn’t officially grossed out until something stringing was spayed in my hair, at least nothing went my mouth.

Finally the toilet demon relented and it began to drain normally. It was like waking up from a bad dream or surviving a horror movie only I was left covered in someone else’s shit as well as about half of the bathroom. After I cleaned up myself and the bathroom I ran into my roommate. Did I get a thank you for clearing their mess; did I get a high five and a well done pat on the back for actions under fire? You guessed it not even a fucking thank you. Instead she gives me shit for using too much paper towel and Lysol. Are you fucking kidding me, she drops the shit to end all shits in my bathroom, doesn’t flush it down and then gives me shit for being “environmentally unfriendly”

But I’m not bitter :)


Random Hottie Of This Post


Sarah Michelle Gellar

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