Thursday, February 10, 2011

Are You Fucking Kidding Me

The other day while I was out walking my dog I noticed some punk ass little fuck running from the local grocery store. It was pretty clear this shit smear stole something, unfortunately before I could get to him he was long gone.

But this post isn't about how much thieves piss me off, it's about the so called security guard companies that are in a word a joke.

Following this punk was an extremely overweight over the hill man who didn't even speak English. He had no (at least that I could) cell phone or radio or even a fucking paper cup to call anyone for help. Does anyone else notice the problem here? How the fuck can a security company properly safe guard a business, keep potential thieves out, and customers safe when they hire fat old people who don't even have a decent grasp of the English language?

But then again I shouldn't be surprised because these companies not only pay shit wages, but offer almost nothing in the way of training. I can't speak for the rest of the country but here in Vancouver the highest wage I've seen is between 13 to 15 dollars. Basic security training is also only a week of classroom activity, it involves no training when it comes to self defence, and any training in terms of dealing with hostile individuals is stuck at what if scenarios that leave you feeling pretty much fucked.

I took their training a few months back and I can tell you from first hand experience that I was the only guy in the room who had a fucking clue how to handle someone who could be dangerous or armed. Of all those in attendance only myself and one other had a solid grasp of English. The rest had broken English and were pretty much fresh of the boat immigrants. No before you go calling me a fucking racist or any of that shit, I'm not, but think about this long and hard. If you were partnered with someone who barley understood you and you were in trouble or trying to pass directions how effective do you think they'll be. Simply put they won't, and frankly it's a fucking miracle that so far no one has been killed.

So here's my two cents on what I think is needed to pull this industry out of it's fucking ass.

1. Stop hiring people fresh off the boat who don't know English. Concentrate on getting people with previous military or police experience, or those with the right mind set.

2. When you pay shit wages you get shit results, so bump up the wages to at least 18 an hour to start.

3. Actually have decent training courses that includes some basic self defence training, and provides training that will actually fucking prepare people to handle things when the shit hits the fan.

4. Now I know guns will probably get more people in shit then without but fucking give them something other then sweaty used slash resistant gloves that are over ten fucking years old and full of holes and won't stop a wet fart let alone a knife or needle. How about a baton or maybe some fucking ninja stars. Fuck I could defend myself better with a rotten fucking potato then what these guys get.

Of course those fuckers won't listen to anything I would have to say and would rather keep things the way they are and pay people shit and not give a flying fuck, but hey what the fuck do I know.

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11 comments:

Autumnforest said...

You're right about that. Seriously, the stores save more money when they catch the people before the goods are gone and they just lost all that cash. It pays off in the long run. They should also have incentives when they do catch someone so that when a punk ass like that runs from the store next time, the security guys are seeing dollar signs.

The Wolf said...

Exactly Autumnforest, I had one guy who works in loss prevention tell me that for every guy they catch 10 or 12 get away or they catch but can't do anything to, it's really pathetic on these companies to expect results from shitty pay, and shitty hours. I've had a few call me up wanting to hire me claiming that 13 dollars an hour is a great wage, it dosen't even cover the basics for cost of living out here.

Max Evel said...

Theft always makes for a good tax write off at the end of the year.

Seth said...

HA! I can't tell you how many times I have thought the exact same thing! How are they not only going to be helpful since you can barely understand them, but how is an 85 year old dude gonna stop anyone from doing anything! I had a cousin who did security for a while, and they weren't allowed to touch anyone! What the hell use is that I said. We are a deterrent he tells me. He is a pretty big fit guy so he's like yea I know its bull! Exactly im thinking. DETERRENT! Whats the point man!

The Wolf said...

Very true Max Evel too bad they use it as an excuse to jack up the prices though.

Seth that's exactly it, they can't really do much of anything, but those companies think their being a deterrent. True those who are nervous, young, and easily scared it might be a deterrent but to someone who dosen't give a shit what are they really going to do.

And your exactly right what the fuck is an 85 year old guy going to do against some 20 year old punk. All round it's a fucking joke.

Mad Jack said...

what the fuck is an 85 year old guy going to do...
Depends on what the 85 year old guy is carrying. Many security guys in the US pack a gat along with their baton, pepper spray and ninja stars.

Okay, I'm kidding. I've never seen a security guy with ninja stars.

The thing is that in the US of A the security dude has no more authority than the thief he's trying to arrest. That can get more than a little sticky if the security guy fucks up and busts the wrong person, or can't prove he busted a criminal. Mister Security Guard can end up in the slammer facing a felony charge or two.

Now me, I've only been hassled by security guards once. The guard was bored and didn't push the issue.

The point about the slow, fat security guard is well taken. I can just see kids raising a little hell on a slow summer afternoon just to get a rise out of the old guy.

The Wolf said...

Mad Jack up here all a security guard gets is a notepad, mabye some really used kevlar gloves and that's it, they get nothing to defend themselves, not even a fucking pen. And like in the states they have no more authority then the average person. Sure they can make a "citizen's arrest" which anyone can do.

I've actually had to step in on more then one occasion because the scurity guard wasn't properly trained and could have ended up on the ground bleeding. The security guard companies and those that hire their services are really playing with fire and I'm frankly amazed things haven't blown up in their face.

Mad Jack said...

What good are Kevlar gloves? Of course, if there's a set of brass knuckles under 'em, well, then I could see it.

I'd think if the guards were working for WalMart (or any competitor) they could amble over to sporting goods and 'borrow' an nice aluminum ball bat. It requires zero skill to use and one crack across the legs will turn the nastiest barroom brawler into a teary eyed five year old girl playing hop scotch.

Good on you for stepping in. I know that when they train special forces soldiers in unarmed combat there comes a point when the instructor will separate those men who have actually fought in the boxing ring from those who haven't. Those men who have not fought put on gloves, pair up and go a few rounds. The point being is that even in special forces many of the soldiers have never actually been in a fight in their adult lives, and it makes a difference. Private security guards are no different. The company would get much more for their money if they:
1. Spent a little more of it
2. Recruited a doorman or two from a rough bar or boxing gym instead of a temp agency.
3. Had the young guys supervised by an older, level headed man who could interface with the local constabulary and news hounds.

Again, you did good by stepping in. Most men wouldn't and you undoubtedly saved someone from a beating.

And by the way, how about a post about your dog? I like dogs. How's your dog doing?

The Wolf said...

Mad Jack my dog's doing well I will do one on his antics sometime in the future.

As for kevlar gloves their only good at being resistant to slashing attacks. Something like a needle from a syringe and it won't do shit because they can't stop puncture wounds.

Your exactly right there is a big difference between those who have fought and those who haven't and are thrown into it. The biggest I found was that they didn't know what to expect when they were hit and lacked confidence at first.

It's not just special forces either most guys in regular army units have never been in a fight, most didn't even know how to throw a punch.

Kelly said...

At least give them a tazer gun or cattle prod. Maybe a tranquiler gun? I'm not a racist, either, but when your job is halfway dependent on speaking the local language, you had better learn it for the safety of everyone involved. That pertains to a few occupations other than security guards, too.

The Wolf said...

That's exactly it Kelly, if you can't fucking communicate in the language of the land how the hell can you do your job? I don't fucking get it.

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