What do you get when you combine bad acting, the guy who played Freddy Kruger, a porn star, and the walking dead. Well you get one of the cheesiest zombie movies of all time, I movie so bad it's actually pretty fucking good. Yes I'm talking about Zombie Strippers which is what my latest video is to. I wanted to do something a little more twisted and funny for this video.
And yet again for reasons I don't get this video like my last one is currently banned in Germany, I swear The Hoff must be really pissed at me, I'm not exactly sure what I did to piss him off? Perhaps I should have responded quicker to the birthday card, maybe I should have accepted that cheese platter he wanted to give me, either way I don't get it. But getting back on topic I hope you enjoy the video and let me know what you think of it.
Before I start this week's FUCK YOU FRIDAY I want to give a special shout out to Kelly and his blog Psycho Carnival for giving me the Lol Award, check out his blog if you're into funny twisted shit. If you're into lawn bowling or perhaps garden gnomes then this is not for you and you should promptly seek out someone to bitch slap you in the face until their hand hurts. Also being in the spirit of sharing I wanted to pass this nifty little nugget of an award to two blogs that I think are funnier then a moose dry humping a tourist, they are
Now with all that taken care of here are my fuck yous for this week..........enjoy.
FUCK YOU to the asshole in the black BMW who almost ran me over AGAIN at the intersection of West Georgia and Denman Street. Really you can't drive without trying to send a fucking text message at the same time? And what the hell is with you turds in you're black BMW sports cars driving like giant douche bags....can somebody tell me what the fuck is going on, because it seems that every other day some ass clown in one of these cars wants to turn my ass into a hood ornament.
FUCK YOU to the senile old fucker who stopped in the middle of the parking lot and stared out into the great beyond while me and at least a half other people were either trying to enter or leave that parking lot. Stare all you want asshole you're not going to understand the universe any more then the rest of the talking fucking chimps on this little planet. How about you do us all a giant fucking favour AND PARK YOU'RE FUCKING CAR.
FUCK YOU to the greasy homeless hippie motherfucker who thought I was his personnel ATM. Really you looked younger then me, I'm not saying I'm old but fuck dude you're like what 18? First off why the fuck are you begging for change, you're not crippled, strung out on drugs, or have some kind of mental handicap other then being a complete fucking lazy ass. If you need money that fucking bad (which I'm sure you do because you smelt like piss and olives) the McDonald's just down the street is hiring. Who knows maybe you'll be promoted to the guy who operates the soft ice cream machine and you'll get to eat all the expired fish sandwiches. But don't come to me expecting a hand out, the only people I give hand outs to are the veterans selling poppy's for Remembrance day, or the guys with the bells looking for donations for the Salvation Army. And since you're neither of those FUCK OFF.
FUCK YOU to the creepy smelly fucker who ran up wanting to pet my dog. Do you honestly think I'm going to let some guy who smells like he shit himself touch my dog......FUCK THAT. My dog sleeps on my bed asshole and I don't want him to smell you.
FUCK YOU to the wobbly step ladder I was using to clean my windows. It's a long drop down those 12 stories onto the pavement and thanks to you're shitty made in whatever backward butt fuck third world country I dam near kissed that road. On the bright side I have been perfecting my swan dive technique.
FUCK YOU to Gordon Campbell B.C.'s now former premiere. Thank the gods you stepped down you are a joke, oh and thanks for forcing us to now pay the new HST (harmonized sales tax) A tax I might add is not only messed up on paper but has almost zero support from taxpayers, business, and a good deal of those in the government, yet you rammed this shit down our throats. Thank you for continuing the long standing tradition of fucking the province over and making it just that much harder for honest people to live here without having to work two or more jobs, and for making it more undesirable for business to establish themselves here. Awesome job douche bag, I personally love how you are now the most hated Canadian politician since Canada became a country, pat yourself on the back for that one.
FUCK YOU to those little green alien bastards. Why the fuck have you not come down to beam me up to take me to you're home world and declare me you're new leader. Do I have to send you a fucking resume too assholes...........and do you even have email? I mean yeah sure you invented interplanetary space travel, but you don't even have an x-box, I've heard all you have is fucking table tennis and checkers. WHO THE FUCK PLAYS CHECKERS THESE DAYS?
If you use a wireless router like me it can be a royal pain in the ass when you get a shitty signal. Recently I had to move my computer to another room and now have 4 walls and a bookcase in between me and a decent signal. So I started trying some stuff out to help boost the signal, cause 8 percent to too fucking slow.....were talking watching old people fuck kinda slow, which is extremely painful in case you've never seen this.
Here are a couple videos of some things I've found that ACTUALLY WORK to help boost you're signal and they cost nothing other then some arts and crafts time (don't eat the fucking paste)
Some points I want to make with using a pop or beer can for you're antenna, when I did this I went from 8 to about 20 percent signal strength. Also because my antenna in on a long usb cable I found I got a slightly stronger signal if you put the pop can on it's side facing you're router (about 2 to 4 percent)
This next one is something you can do to you're routers antenna
Using both of these I have a signal strength of just over 50 percent, not as fast as it used to be but still pretty dam fast. This is especially important if you're searching the net looking for midget clown porn.......not that I've ever looked for midget clown porn. Now this might or might not work for you, but if you have a wireless connection hopefully this might help you out if you're connection sucks big floppy donkey dick.
A couple of days ago I was watching the news. Over on Vancouver island just outside of Victoria a couple workers clearing brush near the highway discovered a live M-72 rocket launcher. Now I thought the smart thing to do if you find something that could potentially kill you and you know jack shit about how to operate it was to leave it the fuck alone and call someone who does ie the police. Apparently these two didn't get that memo and proceeded to play around with the launcher like a fat and fatter version of Rambo.
Now for you none military types you probably have no clue as to what I'm talking about (aren't you glad I am and I can tell you about all this kind of stuff). An M-72 is a one shot disposable rocket launcher, this means that when these are used in combat the missile is already pre-loaded inside the tube, all you have to do is pull it open to arm, aim and fire..........of course you want to make sure nobody is behind you for about 30 meters or else they get to spend the rest of their days being called BBQ face. You also don't want any large objects such as a car or large rock directly behind you........this can really ruin you're fucking day.
This is just the latest little bit of stupid shit I've seen in the last couple of days, and it leaves me wondering "Are people getting stupider?" I mean fuck, these two ass clowns should have known not to fuck with a live weapon that they've only seen in video games and Vietnam war movies, but no they have to fuck with it like dumb asses. What would have happened if it misfired......sure as shit somebody would have gotten hurt or killed, and for what because fatty wanted to play soldier?
Fast forward to today, I recently got a new coffee maker. I get home to install it and look at the directions in case there was some technically mumbo fucking jumbo like having to install the warp coil or flux capacitor or decipher ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics like when I have to program a T.V.
What I got instead was a little booklet with nice little pictures give me directions on how to not only open the box, but on how to remove said coffee maker from the box. Then how to remove the tape covering the open moving parts...................ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME DO I LOOK LIKE SOME TURD WITH DOWN SYNDROME? I'm pretty sure that in order to take an object out of the box you do it the same was as you would the last 50 fucking thousand other boxes that I've opened. Not to mention these fabulously brain dead instructions were at the bottom of the box below the coffee maker, this means that the stupid fucker who can't figure it out is screwed. I'd hate to see that poor bastard in a position of power......oh wait their called politicians silly me.
Next I start to cut the tags of the new dog bed i got for my 20 pound fluff ball that things it's a rottweiler. Apart form the normal cleaning instructions in bold print was "Not to be used by children as a bed" Huh are you fucking kidding me? What piece of shit parent uses a dog bed for their kids bed, I can picture it now some trailer in the back 40 of butt fuck nowhere where cousins are potential dates. Billy Ray comes home from the road kill collection factory (his shed) "Lookie here ma, little Timmy don't have to sleep on dat dirt floor nomore no siry we gots him a dog bed. Now he can sleep like them edumacated folk. Fucking outstanding.
Maybe I'm just that extra little bit of annoyed with the human race today but it seems that we as a species are getting stupider by the minute. Please someone tell me I'm wrong and that I just need a nap and a sandwich.
What sounds better then roaming the post nuclear wasteland in a beat up 1973 Ford Falcon, eat dog food straight from the can, and get chased around the Australian wasteland by guys wearing hockey masks.....personally I can't think of one fucking thing. Okay that's not really true, perhaps having Lucy Liu as my personal sex slave, or ruling the world with an iron fist would be nice, shit I'll even settle for my own island in the south pacific, but all that aside roaming the wasteland in the last of the V8 interceptors is pretty fucking dandy.
Now in case you have no fucking clue as to what I'm talking about my latest little video creation is focused on my favorite series of movies MAD MAX. Notice I didn't call it a trilogy, I always thought the third movie was it's own stand alone movie due to the fact that it doesn't really tie in that well with the others.....not to mention an almost complete lack of driving stuff until the end of the movie (It's still awesome though just not as awesome as The Road Warrior)
Anyways getting back on topic here I hope you enjoy the video, and like my other ones if you have any suggestions or even ideas for future videos that you would think would like to see let me know....because knowing is half the battle or some shit like that. And before I forget one final note, for some reason all my videos have been banned in Germany lately, not sure why, guess I pissed off the Hoff or something.
