Time once again for a brand new video. This one is my latest tribute video to one of my favorite series of movies The Terminator. There's something about killer robots run amok hell bent on destroying humanity after they nuke the shit out of us with our own nukes that just feels so right.
For this video I wanted to try something a little different from my last video ( Zombie Strippers ) I wanted to do something a lot faster and more chaotic. Anyways I hope you enjoy the video, and let me know what you think of it.
It seems like everything is speeding up, I dunno perhaps it's old age setting in for me and I'm too fucking slow to keep up ( I did notice some of the hair on my chin is now grey.....on my chin of all places what the fuck is this mickey mouse shit? ) Anyways because things seem to be speeding up the attention spans of people are getting shorter. So short in fact that I've noticed more and more that people are combining words to form new ones to save that whole precious millisecond of time that they could have used for something else. Perhaps they want to squeeze an extra little sip of whatever the fuck it is their drinking, or perhaps they noticed some hot girl across the room with big boobies and they want that extra millisecond to undress them with their eyes ( can't say I blame them for that one )
So I thought I'd share some of these mash up's that I've heard around here, starting with the annoying ones
1. Chillax (chill + relax)
Easily one of the most irritating things a human being can say to another human or human like being. Seriously it sounds like some kind of medication to relieve constipation. "Here Timmy take some Chillax and you'll be shitting buckets in an hour". Chillax may relieve constipation in only some patients. Side effects may include dizziness, dry mouth, ulcers, burning pee, brain damage, cancer, zombies, ass hair, and the urge to act like a complete fucking ass clown. Consult you're family doctor or the guy selling it illegally from a van before using it. If some ass nugget tells me to chillax I will punch them in the eye.
2. Swhore (slut + whore)
Really it's not bad enough to call someone either one of these terms but you have to combine them. True you get points for using you're imagination, but for fucks sake this one just sounds stupid.
3. Swass (sweaty + ass)
Okay this one could serve a practical purpose. Say if you will that you're at a fine dining establishment and you don't want to announce to the world that you're ass is sweaty.......I mean nobody likes a sweaty ass after all. Plus using swass has a semi sophisticated manner to it, by sophisticated I mean it's like changing the channel from Jerry Springer to Maury Povich for one of his "You're not the father" episodes. You know the one where someone who slept with an entire football team is accusing one guy of being the dad. And the DNA results are in and YOU'RE NOT THE FATHER. At which point the guy does a touch down dance and shouts " I told you so " while the woman starts crying...........yeah isn't T.V great.
4. Radtastic (radical + fantastic)
Does anyone actually use this one anymore who isn't stuck in 1994?
5. Refuckulate (recalculate + fuck)
I love this word even though it's technically not a word........YET. Frankly it should be, and whatever cock knockers over at Webster's dictionary disagree with me seriously need to refuckulate their way of thinking. I even love how this word rolls off the tongue like a fine French wine outside of Paris.
That's all for now anymore and it would be considered effort
Random Hottie Of This Post
Lucy Liu
Yeah I know she was the random hottie of the last post, but c,mon it's Lucy Fucking Liu. Not to mention she's in tight tight leather, heels and firing a flamethrower. Do I really need to explain why this picture is here?
I have a confession....I'm all for the Asian persuasion. I don't know what it is, perhaps it started when I saw my first movie that had Lucy Liu in it (I think it was City of Industry and she had a small part as a stripper) Or in high school with all the hot Asian girls walking around doing their thing. Either way and ever since I have been hooked (Fuck even my ex wife is Chinese).
But there is one group of Asian women that really piss me the fuck off and that's HELLO KITTY BITCHES. Now what's a hello kitty bitch you ask? The term comes from my ex and is defined a little something like this.
Hello Kitty Bitch:
A bitch who happens to be Asian, who dresses like she's Sailor Fucking Moon. Who giggles like a 12 year old who's between 18 and 45, can't give you a straight answer, and in general appears to a be a brain dead annoying, immature, and in general someone you won't think twice about hitting with a car.
Now I totally understand there are cultural differences between North America and it's Pacific Rim neighbours, and being in a city that has a very large Asian population I see this everyday (They don't call Vancouver Hongcouver for nothing fuckers) But fuck these bitches are annoying as fucking hell. Is it so fucking hard to act you're age and not you're shoe size? Is it so fucking hard to look me in the eye if I ask you a simple fucking question without giggling like a fucking raging moron? Can you not engage others in a meaningful conversation and SPEAK YOU'RE FUCKING OPINION without this beat around the bush bullshit? And can you not huddle in the middle of the fucking way while giggling like said raging fucking moron when others are trying to get around you............and don't give me this shit that you didn't see those people trying to walk around you're vacant starring asses.
My tolerance for stupid annoying fucktards is reaching record lows here people, and what makes it worse is that their Asian and on average attractive, it's like a catch 22 here. FFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK............now I'm sad :(
Douche bags, these fuckers are everywhere. From the grocery store to that run down adult video store where Carlos sells crack beside the dumpster in the alley (Carlos wanted me to tell you that on Tuesdays if you spend 100 dollars you get a 10 dollar gift coupon) Some of these fucking douche bags don't even realize that they are douche bags, and that is truly scary. So I thought I would put together a list of tell tale signs that either someone you know is a douche bag. Remember there is no cure for being a douche bag other then a swift back handed bitch slap (Repeat twice a day or as many times as required. You can also hit them in the face with a dirty sock full of pennies)
The Urban Dictionary defines a douche bag as :
Someone who has surpassed the levels of jerk and asshole, however not yet reached fucker or motherfucker.
An example would be :
Rob:He kept hitting on my girlfriend at the party, he just wouldn't leave her alone!!
Sam: God, what a douche bag
Here are some of the signs :
If you think yelling above everyone else about how much money you have, or that you just made some big fucking financial deal makes you look like an all star YOU ARE A DOUCHE BAG.
If you're walking down the street and think it would be the fucking greatest idea in the worked to hork up snot and spit it on the ground right in front of someone YOU ARE A DOUCHE BAG.
If you go into a building and instead of holding the door open for the person behind you FOR A WHOLE TWO FUCKING SECONDS, but instead let it slam in their face YOU ARE A DOUCHE BAG COCK JAWS.
If you're one of those tweeny teenage fuck sticks who insist on giggling, throwing popcorn or in general being a loud mouthed little shit smear when people who used their own money NOT MOMMY AND DADDY'S to pay to watch that movie YOU ARE MOST CERTAINLY A DOUCHE BAG.
If you're too fucking lazy to use a turn signal but instead just cut everyone off and then wonder why somebody is flipping you off YOU ARE A STUPID DOUCHE BAG.
If you think it's a great idea to get drunk at you're buddies place and try to grab everyone's wife and girlfriends ass, you not only deserve a severe ass kicking YOU ARE ALSO A DOUCHE BAG.
If you're one of those lazy little shits who can't be bothered to pick up after you're dog who just left a nice fresh steamer in the middle of the sidewalk YOU ARE A DOUCHE BAG.
If you're the type of person who never shuts up about themselves and thinks their the greatest human being in the entire history of the fucking universe YOU ARE A DOUCHE BAG.
If you're the type of person who fucks another person in the ass and doesn't have the God damn common courtesy to give them a reach around YOU ARE A FUCKING DOUCHE BAG.
If you're the type of person who owns a monster sized fucking Doge Hemi quad cab, extra long box, no muffler, flames shooting off the side, sticker of Kalvin pissing on a Ford logo, and plastic balls dangling from the rear axle of you're truck to make up for you're shortfalls. And you drive that monster sized Doge Hemi like a fucking moron, and act like the road is you're personal fucking race track, and have no fucking respect for the thousands of other drivers, pedestrians, or anyone else on or near the road YUP YOU GUESSED IT YOU ARE A FUCKING DOUCHE BAG.
If you're one of those educated fucks who think that because you went to some fancy ass school that you're automatically better then anyone YOU ARE A DOUCHE BAG.
If you're from Toronto and not only think it's the center of the universe but think their hockey team the Toronto Maple Leafs are the greatest hockey team in the fucking universe FUCK I HATE YOU AND YES YOU ARE INDEED A DOUCHE BAG.
If you're too fucking lazy to get off your ass and make that sandwich you're fat ass is craving, but instead yell at you're significant other to make it for you YOU ARE A DOUCHE BAG.
And last but not least :
If you are a puke piece of dog shit who insists on being as rude as humanly possible to others because you're life is a sad never ending misery parade and you secretly pray each day for death YOU ARE A DOUCHE BAG.
Hope that clarified it for you, now you to can spot a douche bag.
I've mentioned this a post or two ago that my videos recently have all been banned in Germany. Ever since I started using Adobe instead of Windows movie maker all but one video has been completely banned in the Fatherland, for this I can only think of one logical reason.........I PISSED OFF THE HOFF.
To those of you younger ones who have no idea who I speak of I'm talking about David Fucking Hasselhoff, the guy who wore the wrangler jeans and big hair in the original Knight Rider series (The one with the talking car that wasn't Val Kilmer.......what a douche bag.) He was the guy with the hairy chest who was the mans man on Baywatch, the same show that made fellow canuck Pamela Hugetits Anderson (The one who sparked the whole celebrity sex tape thing). And in more recent history a former judge of America's Got Talent and has countless video's on YouTube of his drunken ramblings and eating floor burgers......mmmmm floor burger.
So to you Mr. Hasselhoff WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS MICKEY MOUSE SHIT? I don't get it why the hate? When have I bashed you, I don't think I've ever bashed you? I mean fuck dude I grew up on Knight Rider, and yeah I'll admit I watched the occasional episode of Baywatch......sure it was for the intro to watch the bouncing boobies, but hey what guy didn't get a kick out of that? Is it because you're singing sounds like a cat being raped by a chainsaw.....I can't help that you're music sucks and I think you even know that. I mean fuck I even had family fight for the Germans in World War 2 that shit has to count for something....right?
But I'm not the kind of guy to beg or plead, that's just not what I do, and if that's what you're hoping to hear to lift the ban you can get fucked. You may be " The Hoff " but I will fuck you up faster then a choir boy in prison who dropped the soap in the shower and has to run the gauntlet through the Aryan brotherhood. So lighten the fuck up and let the good German folk watch my videos.
Random Hottie Of This Post
Diane Kruger
Random Video Of This Post
And Because it had to be shown.......you know you want to see it.
