Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Tampax, Depends, and Prescription Meds

The few times that I watch TV (I don’t own one fortunately) I’m always baffled by these commercials. Now do they really fucking think that people are like this?

Let’s start with my favourite, tampon commercials. Now I understand that they have to advertise but do they really fucking think that women strap of these absorbent little pads or whatever the fuck and start dancing? Or how about a thrilling game of beach volleyball………..anyone, anyone at all……..yeah didn’t fucking think so. I consider myself a keen observer of those around me and I’ve never seen anyone and I mean fucking anyone use a tampon and say “Fuck I feel great I’m going to the beach and play some volleyball”. No when it’s that “special” time of the month it means DUCK AND FUCKING COVER. Shit tends to fly in every direction and that sweet special someone you know becomes a man eating fucking lizard monster from hell. Nobody gets happy and dances, nobody starts doing yoga in tights, and nobody plays with a fucking hula-hoop. No they get bloated, and swear a lot.

And what the fuck is that blue liquid shit they use in all those commercials anyway. If something blue comes out of me I’m going to a fucking hospital because something isn’t right. I know they can’t use something blood colored but c’mon, people are going to think you ladies pee blue or something messed up like that.

Now who likes to shit themselves………….probably nobody me thinks. So why the fuck when they show commercials for adult diapers they show happy old farts riding bikes and talking about feeling free and or liberated? First If I shit myself, be it accident or on purpose I’m not jumping on a bike and tour the fucking countryside looking for green meadows and flowers to prance in. No what’s more realistic is locking my ass in the house due to shame having shit my pantaloons (that’s French for pants I believe)

A Depends commercial should go something a little like this:

Camera zooms in on some old person in their home

“Hello I’m some random old fucker. I’m 85 years old and spend my days playing go fish and watching

re-runs Matlock and the Rockford Files. I have to wear a diaper because I tend to shit myself on a regular basis. No I’m not going for a bike ride; I’m going to change my fucking diaper during the commercial break”

The fucking end, the camera displays product and there was much rejoicing.

Seriously would you fucking ride a bike if your pants were full of shit? Yeah I doubt it too.

And now for the worst of the bunch………prescription medication commercials. You know the ones that show some random paid actor talking about their fake condition, be it herpes or a heart condition. They talk about their life before and show acted out clips of them looking fake sad because they can’t take little Timmy out on a fishing trip, or there shown clutching their chest because their faking pain. But wait then along comes some fancy fucking medication that sounds like somebody tried just a little too hard to make it sound cool that will either fix or reduce the chance of whatever condition happening.

But here’s the kicker, near the end of the commercial they have somebody speed read through all the possible side effects you can have if you take this medication. It’s not just a little dry mouth or a headache, FUCK NO, side effects may include dizziness, shortness of breath, blood clots, seizures, loss of vision, nerve damage, stomach ulcers, gangrene, coma‘s, and fifty thousand other ailments that sound way worse then what you have now. I also love how they mention not to operate heavy machinery, or do anything strenuous like work or anything like that, or that you could pass out behind the wheel of a car when taking little Timmy to the ole fishing spot down by the river. Sorry everyone little Timmy will have to go their alone where he’ll meet nice Mr. Anderson, who will give Timmy candy and offer to take him back to his house to “pet his puppy”.

I’m not saying not to take medication for ailments but it’s really buyer beware and frankly these fucking commercials tend to sugar coat reality to the point of unbelievable bullshit. It’s the same with tampons and adult diapers, of course there necessary items that people need that’s why there never on sale after all (those greedy fucks), but do we really need this fantasy bullshit being shoved down our throats. If anything all these commercials do is make their products laughing stocks and annoy the fuck out of people, I mean who the fuck pays attention to some old guy riding a bike in a fucking meadow, or some annoying chick doing yoga that you just want to shove a dirty sock down her throat. And when you have something that pisses you off, you don’t pay attention to the information that’s being passed alone. Instead you change the channel or simply tune it out of you’re head while you wait for whatever lame reality show to come back on.

Random Hottie Of This Post

Rhona Mitra

Random Video Of This Post


Kelly said...

The only time I like watching a chick do yoga is when she hot and she bends over backwards and I can see her "camel toes" sticking out.

Yeah, those fucking wealthy advertising companies really do believe we're all that stupid, unfortunately. They use all manner of tricks, like you suggested with the end of most prescription med commercials (side effects) and often sex, cuteness, psychobabble, manipulation or whatever indoctrination technique is used, as well. Money means more than truth in this society.

I'm on board with everything you said. Except... I enjoy shitting my pants. What fun it is! As a bonus, it gives you that nice, warm squishy feeling. Kinda like holding a teddy bear or something.

Advertising works on the blind, ignorant or easily duped. In other words, 90% of the world's populace. Bury your heads in the sand, you fucknots!

Mmmmmm... Rhona Mitra. Yum. Now weren't we just talking about her not long ago? lol.

Also: I put your 5 Questions post up, just in case you didn't know.

The Wolf said...

Yeah I think I would be very happy if Rhona Mitra was in my kitchen, she wouldn't have to do anything just sit on my table and look all smirky.

Yeah it's fucking ridiculous the bullshit they feed people and the tricks they use to do it. I would love nothing more then to strap these fuckers into a chair and force them to watch their own crap for a few days non stop, let's see how they like it.

As for shitting yourself, well I can't say I share your passion for it. Frankly after spending long periods of time without a hot shower I can almost feel my skin crawl. But mabye shitting in my hand and throwing it at people like what the monkey's do would be kinda fun.

The Invisible Seductress said...

Great minds think alike,,,although yours is greater,, wink...I did a post about depends a few weeks ago... Yours was much funnier!!!! And you added a hottie!!

Stacie's Madness said...

i love the pill for social awkwardness.
side affect might be uncontrollable gas or something equally embarrassing...but you won't be anti social...until you gas out your new friends.

The Wolf said...

@ The Invisible Seductress yes they most certanily do. Wait did I read that mind is greater.......ummmmmmm this is so unexpected. Wait are you flirting with me? I'll have you know I'm no cheap date. Oh fuck who am I kinding if you threw me a McDonald's coupon i'd be a total whore.

@ Stacie those pills seem to only last 4 hours and take forever to kick in, they also give you the shits. But they have a minty taste. :)

Gnetch said...

You total fuckingly described me perfectly when it's that time of the month!!! HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT?!!!!

Stephanie said...

you are what my life was missing!

The Wolf said...

@ Gnetch becuase of my extensive research and years of study.....okay not exactly. It seems though that every one of you ladies that I've ever dated or known has gone bat shit crazy during this time so I figured it's either me or this really fucks you ladies up.

@ Stephanie thanks for visiting, and thank you for the compliment. Love you're blog by the way it fucking rocks.

Crazy Brunette said...

'Pet his puppy'...

I HATE the TV!! The fucking thing kills me! I wish we didn't own the SEVEN that we have!

The Wolf said...

I still can't belive you have seven fucking TV's that's insane. I thought when I had 3 that was alot, but 7....yikes. I'm glad I don't own one now and I don' plan on every buying another.

CB how much do you want to bet that "pet his puppy" becomes a search term for my blog.


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