The Damned Eat At McDonald’s

I've seen a lot of shit about the freaks, geeks, and weirdoes that inhabit the skanky halls of Wal-Mart, I’ve had to stand in line beside those who could have been extras in Deliverance. And while these sad broken souls remind me of a really bad low budget horror movies they pale in comparison to the tings that linger at McDonald’s on a Sunday morning.

Now maybe I’m being bias, perhaps it’s just the local McDonald’s near my apartment that’s so fucked up, maybe theirs some sort of fucked up energy vortex or some shit like that, I don’t know. But what I do know is that every Sunday that I’ve gone to this McDonald’s I’m greeted by some of the most fucked up odd ball people I hope to never see again, such as the following.

No Legged Drooling Guy

This guy likes to hang out at the south entrance outside and begs for change. Not sure if he’s a vet or what the fuck, could be some former meth head who couldn’t pay his dealer on time, either way he smells like pee.

Guy Who Argues With Himself

Not sure what the fuck is going on in this guy’s mind but every time I saw him there he’s having a heated debate with himself. The last time I say him he was shouting something about the economic situation, and how he called bullshit on the whole thing………..which brings me to my next point, DON’T SMOKE CRACK.

The Wicked Bitch Of The West

This grumpy bridge troll I’ve only spotted once, and like the T-Rex from Jurassic Park you want to avoid eye contact and make no sudden moves, needless to say she is that fucking scary. I wouldn’t be surprised if she has an oven in her place dedicated to baking children.

The Guy Who Smells Like He Shit Himself

This one unfortunately is a regular, and usually he’s in front of me which makes it all the worse being that there is a fucking fan blowing his ass gas to me, how fucking wonderful. I mean seriously what the fuck. Next time I see him I’m buying him some toilet paper with an instruction manual and some soap.

Confused Asian Girl Who Stares Blankly Into Coffee Cup

Now I like some good ole Asian persuasion, but this Hello Kitty Bitch drives me nuts. She’ll stand in line or what she thinks is the fucking line and stares off into space looking at either the floor or her coffee cup while waiting for a refill. She’ll be so oblivious that people will simply walk around her in line to place their orders. I’ve seen her stare off on one of her thousand yard fucking stares for like five minutes, making me ask to myself, what the fuck was I doing staring at her for those five minutes?

These people are on top of the regular drugies, and fucked up homeless people that flood this particular McDonald’s on any given day, but Sunday brings them into fucking overdrive and the place is packed stinky ass to whiskey breath to coming of their high shakes. It truly is a magical place.

And by magical I mean severely fucked up

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