Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Why The Fuck Does All The Weird Shit Happen To Me

Now I know I’m not what one would consider “normal”, personally I say fuck that shit normal is boring as watching old people fucking, it’s hard on the eyes, makes you cringe and leaves you wishing you were dead. Even still though I strive to find a somewhat “balanced” existence, so why in the name of Zeus’s butt hole does all the weird shit happen to me?

If I go out to a bar, restaurant, 7-11 for some Twinkies, or wherever it seems that all the messed up people follow me. Like fat chicks I seem to be a magnet for these types of individuals, and while I don’t mind the occasional crazy person striking up a conversation about how the government is beaming messages into their brain and making them burn things and shit themselves, it can be a bit much. A perfect example would be from a couple months ago when some creepy homeless guy who thinks he’s Hannibal Lector gave me the creepiest smile and started ringing a small dinner bell while he stared at me, the kind of stare the says “Hi I’m going to fucking kill you and enjoy eating you’re liver with some fava beans and a nice glass of red wine” Or the crazy Vietnam vet type who just walks up to me and starts going on about the man and how I get it……….get what I just want to walk my fucking dog then rot my brain doing something mindless like look up shit on YouTube.

And it’s not just crazy guys who approach me it’s the crazy women who approach me as well, such as this one crazy Chinese woman who apparently thinks I’m Chinese as well (I’m white in case you’re not sure) and starts speaking in Chinese to me like I fucking understand everything she says. As far as I know she could be telling me how she’s going to cut off my pork sword and use it for an herbal remedy for Alzheimer’s or something fucked up like that.

I know there’s nothing I can really do about it, it’s the energy that comes from me………..but seriously FUCK why can’t the occasional hot girl, or dog walker, or a fucking friendly fuzzy fucking squirrel approach me for once instead Mr. and Mrs. Completely fucking bonkers.

And that’s all I have to say about that.

Random Hottie Of This Post


Jeri Ryan
Random Video Of This Post

9 comments:

Crazy Brunette said...

YOU'D think it was a friendly fuzzy squirrel, before it turned on you just as you knelt down in front of it!

Then as it was ripped your skin to shreds you'd be thinking, "WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING?"

I'm picturing Will Ferrel and the raccoon in 'ELF' RIGHT NOW.

As for the hot girl, she end up being a transvestite.

It's okay... I draw these sorts of fuck wads too. We're the lucky fucks right?

The Wolf said...

That squirrel had better be freindly or i'll send that fucker to the moon. Funny you mentioned the transvestite becuase one did approach me a little while ago, what was scary was I didn't know she/he was until it spoke. So I did the only thing logical and honest, I ran home crying all the way and hide under my living room table shaking and begging for the bad man to stop......well okay it didn't happen exactly that way but needless to say I was rather shocked, and I don't shock easy.

You draw those sorts of people to eh, must be our good looks and charm. We should start a club for people who get approached by fuck wads, we could call it The Anti Fuck Wad Association Of North America, Naturally I will be the president of course, and you're more then welcome to be my second in command/minister of propaganda :)

Crazy Brunette said...

Shhhhyea!

We could totally start a WHOLE nother blog about it!!!!

But we'd have to talk the assbags crazies into letting us photograph them or it wouldn't be much fun!!!!


How about 'Wolfman & CB take on assbags of the MidWest' for out blog title????

Oh wait... Where are you from???? I don't do second fuckwad. BUT, IF you are prepared to take the brunt end of all the MAJOR donkey dick lickers.... then I MAY just CONSIDER being second in that aspect.

The Wolf said...

I was in the army so I am very familiar with getting the shaft lol.....no not litrally either in case you're wondering. As to where I'm from I live in Canada, Vancouver to be exact. The idea of a blog actually sounds pretty good.

Kelly said...

Your video, "The Internet is for Porn", is highly educational or something. I played the song as I wanked merrily to some porn. Thanks.

Oh and- Jerri Ryan's tits look nice.

You are a freak magnet. The insane seek you out. I've got the same problem. The Chinese woman sounds like she wanted your pork sword. Warning: Do not fuck crazy bitches. They have fangs in their hoo-hoo's and will snap off your pork sword in a flash.

You're welcome.

Speaking of the insane... I once had a guy come up to me. He smiled and was kinda slapping his hands together but not in a clapping sort of way. Anyway, he would not stop shouting, "Buh!...Buh!...Buh!..."

I thought perhaps I was trippin' or having an acid flashback but he was real. After staring at me from across the other side of the restaurant for a few minutes, the freak suddenly stopped shouting and instead, he bowed toward me (oriental style) and drooled a bit. I decided to leave. A Quarter Pounder with cheese just isn't worth that kind of trouble.

The Wolf said...

Glad you found that video educational Kelly, I only place videos on my blog of the highest standard that I think would be the most useful for mankind, as for Jeri Ryan's tits they say thank if they could speak.

I used to have to deal with this freak back in Edmonton who used to walk up and down the alley's every now and then shouting stuff at the top of his lungs. He was harmless but kinda looked like Charles Manson.

Crazy Brunette said...

Damn right the blog idea was awesome!!!

Name needs to be tweeked though... Since you aren't from the MidWest damnit! Let me know if you really want to!

The Wolf said...

Yeah I'm totally up for it, it sounds like fun actually. With my dragon style and your tiger style it'll be the best fucking blog this side of the universe. I agree though it does need a catchy name like "The Collaboration" or "The CB and Wolf Show" I dunno I'm up for anything

Crazy Brunette said...

Are you really?????

Because I am WAY the fuck in! I think we'd ROCK that shit.

Email me @ crazybrunettechick@gmail.com

I'm not fucking around!

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