Sunday, April 25, 2010

Riddle Me This

So the other day I had to run some errands and ended up at Wall-Mart, after all that’s where all the cool kids hang out, and I’m oh so desperate to hang with the cool kids………yeah fuck that. Anyways I bought the stuff I needed, fought through the masses of fat smelly people covered in sweat and nachos chips. Ignorant old people who wouldn’t move out of the way and all manner of trailer trash that belong in a tornado. On the way home I see this very attractive woman (she looked legal by the way) in a very revealing top and short shorts. Naturally because I’m a guy I looked. What I got back was her giving me the finger, a disgusted look of hatred on her face and her shouting “Fuck you asshole” as I drove past……what the fuck??????

Now first when I said I looked I didn’t stare, nor stare and drool, nor did I roll down the window and yell out “It puts the lotion on its skin“, or some other creepy line. I was not dressed in a clown suit, trench coat, ski mask, or crotch less lobster suit just to clarify. I simply took a quick look, the same kind of passing look that most guys give women they think are attractive. I mean after all she was showing major cleavage and had some pretty big melons, and her shorts were short enough to almost see everything. It was the kind of outfit that screams “Hi nice to meet you………would you care for some coffee or tea, followed by sexual relations?” to which I would have replied in an English accent “Why yes my dear, I would love a post of Earl grey tea followed by sexual relations. Perhaps afterwards we could discuss politics and the economics of the working class over a game of cribbage, and then ride through the park in a carriage to my manor house.” And by manor house I mean van down by the river where I look for empty beer cans to trade in for more beer and cheese whiz.

So this is where I’m confused, I mean you don’t wear an outfit like that unless you want guys or girls to look at you. I also don’t think, though not sure if she was a prostitute, not that there is anything wrong with that we all have to make a living after all. So yeah I’m confused about the whole ordeal. Perhaps I was still showing some of my earlier anger from the ass pirate who almost ran into me in the Wall-Mart parking lot because the fat fuck was too impatient to get to McDonald’s to stuff his meat flaps. Or the dozens of other misfits who belong in a zoo wandering around aimlessly, or plunking away on crack berry’s while there pants which are two sizes too small can barley contain their fat ass. Perhaps I still looked bitter from having a bird shit on the car? Or perhaps my car and I didn’t fit her standards.

Whatever the case she was pissed and I’m confused. I don’t think I’m a hideous ugly fucker, I mean people don’t scream “kill it” and chase me with torches and pitchforks…………though that could be fun. The car I was driving wasn’t a pile of shit which means it wasn’t a Dodge. I even had a clean shirt on, so what the fuck gives. Does anyone out there in internet land that is wise in the ways of the force know why this is cause I don’t get it.

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Estella Warren

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Kelly said...

Hey, can I borrow your crotchless lobster suit? I wanna cruise for chicks and my lobster suit is at the dry cleaners, man. :-) You know how it is.

As to why the pretty bitchie gave you the finger and nasty shout after your look... I don't know for sure. Yeah, and I know what you mean by "the look". I do it all the time. There's nothing wrong with it. From what I've been told, women do the look sometimes, too, but on an even more subtle level than men. Women, in general, I believe, just aren't as sexually, aggressively forward as men. If they were, then men like us could go around claiming that they were acting like pigs and they were bad and nasty and other whiny stuff and then we could have the upper hand for a change. I'm calling for revolution, I tell ya! Yeeha!

Agreed. Women want "that look", usually, when they dress like that.

Possible reasons for her moments of insanity:
1) She thought you were her old abusive boyfriend who enjoyed latching clothesline pins upon her booby bumps
2) She didn't care for the color of your car


3) She was on crack cocaine, mistakened you for Shrek or Frankenstein's monster and wanted to run you down, intentionally, but then her crack wore off and she decided to flip you off and call you asshole. Gee, good thing that little whore's crack wore off when it did. :)

The Wolf said...

Im not sure if it was the color of my car unless she dosen't like black, but then that's just racist. I hear you on the revolution it would be nice for a change to have the upper hand. It wouldn't suprise me on the coke thing, I ran into two guys this morning sitting in a chev bt a golf course near my place doing lines.......isin't life grand.

As for the lobster suit can't lend it out it's custom fitted, it even has a holder for my Ipod.


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