Fuck You's And Thank You's Of 2010

Being that it's both Friday and the last day of 2010 I wanted to take some time and give a special Fuck You Friday to those ass clowns who went that extra mile this year in being a complete douche bag

Fuck You Kim Jong Il what the fuck is your problem you needle dick ass clown. Didn't mommy and daddy give you enough attention as a child. No instead you have to take your issues and start throwing artillery shells at South Korea. It's bad enough your own people are starving to death and living in primitive conditions but you have to fuck up innocent people across the border too. I hope you fucking get eaten alive by a goat shit head.

Fuck You to all those in charge and who put profit instead of safety over at BP when you had that massive fucking shit show in the Gulf. Wow simply wow your fucking tards, thank you so much for fucking up the planet just that much more, it's great to see fairy fucks like you don't give a shit if the air we breath is poisoned, if the water is undrinkable, or if we all fucking die as long as you can buy a fucking mansion and retarded expensive cars.

Fuck You to Stephen Harper the current prime minister of Canada. I never liked you, I don't fucking trust you, and your face looks like a sock filled with smashed pigs assholes. I don't have anything to say to you other then fuck off eh.

Fuck You Justin Beiber are you shitty me that you now have collectible trading cards. Really as if your sissy bitch antics, pathetic as fuck excuse for a mustache, and singing voice that sounds like a 10 year old girl caught in a vice isn't enough. Why the fuck can't you be like other annoying fucking so called "celebrities" and just go away, preferable take a one way fucking trip to the sun. And by the way what the fuck are you anyway? I mean seriously are you suppose to be male, female, or something in between because I'm confused.

Fuck You to all the ignorant pole smokers I had to deal with this year in Vancouver. You bunch of shit smears should all take turns seeing how many cars you can stop with your face.

Fuck You to YouTube for banning my video tribute to Zombie Strippers. What the fuck is with that bullshit. Seriously I have one fucking video that finally gets almost 15 thousand hits, and was steadily going up, but no you had to fucking can it because it was sexually suggestive........what the flaming fuck? You seriously ban my video yet I can watch the entire fucking movie tits ass and all, and my video that has no nudity gets the shaft. Whoever made that call deserves a punch in the face.

And now for something different

I want to take a second and say to everyone who reads, follows, and comments on this blog THANK YOU. You guys are the shit and fucking rock. Thank you for giving me a reason to keep this blog going when I've considered canning it so many times in the past. Thank you for allowing me to vent and put up with my slightly twisted sense of things. I wish everyone the best for 2011.

Random Hottie Of This Post

Fergie

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Zombie Strippers Porn Star Dancing Got Banned

Tonight while I was working on the new website I decided to take a break and pop onto YouTube to check out some videos. Instead I got a nice little surprise waiting for me in a bed red box. No it wasn't a early Christmas present (I was hoping to find Lucy Liu under the tree this year) Instead it was a nice message from the jolly fuck sticks over at YouTube.

It seems in their wisdom and all knowing hypocritical bullshit they have outright banned my video to Zombie Strippers, saying that it contains pornographic material and doesn't meet the high standards of YouTube........ARE YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME. They ban my video yet you can watch the entire movie on their site which has tonnes of TITS, ASS, AND FULL FRONTAL FEMALE NUDITY WHILE THEY GRIND ON STRIPPER POLES. I mean fuck were talking about Jenna Jameson being in this movie for fucks sake.

When I made the video I cut out all the nudity, and just to be sure I went through the video several times, and there isn't a boob to be seen anywhere and yet I get banned FUCK YOU YOUTUBE YOU COCK EATING SHIT TURBINE.

Now I'm pissed but I do see the positive that has come out of this, first being that the video is still available to be watched. I uploaded it onto my website since my site provider Webstarts lets me upload my own videos and give me tonnes of space to do so. So if you want to see it here's the link
http://www.therazors-edge.com/zombie_strippers_porn_star_dancing.html I'll also put the link on the side bar and I'll post a quick video with the link there as well. The only thing that sucks is that.

As for making and posting videos I'm still going to do it, those little shits ain't going to stop that, and if they ban future videos or my account I'll simply do what I did with this one, post it on my site and pass on the link. And I'm still going to post random videos from there because unlike those fucks who run the show I believe in sharing.

Random Hottie Of This Post

Shu Qi

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I Miss 90's Movies

I was talking to a friend today about old movies, I guess that depends on what you consider to be an old movie. I dunno perhaps it's old age creeping in and me feeling nostalgic for days gone by when I was a whole lot less wiser and had some semblance of hope for humanity, but I fucking miss 90's action movies. I mean they don't make that kind of cheesy shit that rocks. I miss the bad one liners, the guns that never run out of ammo, the stereotypical drug lord, thugs, bullies that always pick the wrong cop who was a former special forces operative ( have you ever noticed that there always some kind of ex military I've never seen one yet where the hero was a former dishwasher ). I miss how 40 fucking guys can be firing fully automatic weapons and one dude with a pistol takes them out with one shot each and yet they can't hit the broad sit of Rita MacNeal's ass, go fucking look her up if do don't have a clue what I'm talking about.

What do we have now, all this so called edgy emotional dog shit with a touch of tweeny shit and some bitchy sissy sparkling fucking ass bandits that have the audacity to call themselves vampires. Last time I checked real vampires were undead corpses who drank blood and fucked shit up, not sparkling emo turds who suck cock and cry.

What happened to the Steven Segal's, the Chuck Norris', the JCVD's (Jean Claude Van Damm) I want that shit back because these so called "tough" guys who are in the so called action movies now make me want to vomit on homeless people. Don't get me wrong there are some good movies out there being made, I just miss the good ones.

On a completely unrelated topic to what I mentioned above I wanted to let you guys know that I'm currently working on a new website......well not exactly new. A couple of you might remember awhile ago I had a website called The Razors Edge this was a post apocalyptic survival guide based around my former military experience. I've decided to rebuild the site from scratch and give it a brand new topic and look. While the name is the exact same the content now focuses and things like reviews, basic seo tips that I've learned for the new blogger or website creator type person, and a general how to guide for all sorts of stuff. One of the biggest problems with the old site was that I just ran out of things to say about post apocalyptic survival without wandering over into the crackpot religious side, or the gun toting government hating let's start world war three types............not that world war three wouldn't have it's up sides especially when I end up as the ruler of the world.

Anyways the site is still under construction but I wanted to get the word out, so if you want to check out what I have on there so far the url is http://www.therazors-edge.com/. I'm also looking for anyone interested in trading links so if you want to, let me know in the comments and put your url/s in there if your not on my blog roll on here.

That is all

Random Hottie Of This Post

Charisma Carpenter

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I don't know about you guys but watching Full Metal Jacket in German makes me want to invade Poland

Faster Harder Mad Max

It's been a little while since my last video so I figured it was time to change that. As the title suggests it's to the Mad Max trilogy (yeah I know again I've done like 5 or 6 fucking videos to those movies....but fuck it there awsome). For this one I decided to try something new and go outside my comfort zone and try a different type of music that I don't normally listen to.

Anyways hope you enjoy it and let me know what you think. I'm also trying to come with an idea for the next video here are the movies I'm looking at so far

- Full Metal Jacket
- Children Of Men
- Star Wars Trilogy (old school one not the ones with little sissy bitch Hayden I prefer the company of burly men Christensen)

The only thing I haven't decided is the music, so if you have an idea for a song that kicks ass let me know in the comments.



Random Hottie Of This Post

Denise Boutte

And Now A Shitty Movie Review

If there is one that I can't stand it's a shitty movie, be it a chick flick or some crap with sparkly pansy ass vampires who would rather play hide the hot dog on the Hershey highway then do what vampires are suppose to do.......drink blood and tear people limb from limb while looking cool doing it.

So when I rented Valhalla Rising a couple days ago I was sadly disappointed. So much so that I wanted to write a post about it to let all 3 three people who read this blog (two are multiple personalities of mine, one of which thinks he's a space ranger) and let you know just how shitty this movie is so you don't waste 90 minutes of time you could be doing something more productive.

I'm sure if you rent movies that you've probably seen the trailer for this movie, if you haven't here's the video below



Your probably thinking "Hey this looks pretty cool theres blood and shit....what the fuck is The Wolf smoking now?" Sorry to disappoint but those were probably the best parts of the entire movie. Basically the story goes a little something like this. A one eyed, mute warrior type person who spends much of the movie starring off into space because he's either just crapped his panties, confused, or wishing he was doing anything but making this movie travels with a bunch of viking types who sound oddly like a bunch of Scots to some remote wilderness looking place while travelling to the Holy Land. Once there the one eyed mute probably just shit himself warrior guy spends more time starring off into space while the others barley talk, some stare off into space, and slowly they die off.......THE FUCKING END.

I've read some of the comments from people on YouTube going off about how this film is artistic and visually stunning and black fucking blah. And while I agree that it had it's moments (such as watching a guy get disemboweled with an arrow head.........that was fucking cool) the majority of this movie could be used as a cure for insomnia. The best part is if you fall asleep watching this movie you won't really miss anything.

I hope that helps, of you still want to watch this movie, I can't stop you but I figured I'd at least give you a head's up.

Random Hottie Of This Post

Anna Torv

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My Christmas Wish List

Ahh Christmas tis the season full of vacant stares, over spending, crowds, fruit cakes (Did you know fruit cakes can last over 100 years....seriously that's fucked up. I mean who the fuck wants to survive on fruit cake after the impending zombie apocalypse, that shit bungs you up).

But since it's Christmas and we all want presents I wanted to list off some of the things that I hope to see under the tree this holiday season. Santa if you're real and you happen to be reading this DON'T FUCK THIS UP LIKE YOU DID WHEN I WAS A KID AND SEND ME THAT STUPID ASS SWEATER WITH THE FUCKING REINDEER THAT LOOKS LIKE IT HAD DOWN SYNDROME ON IT. And who the fuck knits a sweater with puke green wool, what am I a fucking hobo?

And with that happy thought onto the list.

1. A tazer to zap every single cross eyed fucker who looks at me funny

2. A gold plated toilet seat just like the ones that those rich princes in places like Dubai get to crap on. I WANT TO KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO SHIT ON A PRECIOUS METAL TOO ASSHOLES (Don't judge me)

3. Socks

4. Every single Clint Eastwood movie except The Bridges of Madison county, and the one with that annoying fucking monkey that would play dead...........fucking monkeys.

5. Lucy Liu......do I really need to explain why

6. Tear gas, trust me it ain't a party until everyone is chocking and hacking up a lung and gasping for air.

7. A new car, something simpler perhaps........like an Austin Martin like the one Sean Connery used back in his James Bond movie days with all the gadgets.

8. A 24 hour pass to bitch slap every stupid jack ass I run into without any repercussions.

9. A politician to admit that they are a greedy self centered asshole and that they don't or ever gave a fuck about the average tax payer on live T.V, followed by a randomly picked bunch of lucky winners to spit on them for an hour.

10. A new mouse pad. Mine is starting to split apart though I really like it because it has this pic of green leaves flowing in a soft summer breeze, it's very calming and made from recycled plastic.

11. For Mark Burnett to be hit by a fucking train. In case you don't know who this glue bag is, he's the guy who's pretty much responsible for the overwhelming tide of bullshit called reality T.V. This is the twinkle toed fuck who spearhead shoes like The Apprentice and Survivor.....need I say anymore.

12. Gummy bears........what they taste good fuck you.

That is all

Random Hottie Of This Post

Eva Longoria

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Dumb Fuck Behind The Wheel

Okay I'm fucking pissed. Tonight I was watching the news, they were covering the recent dump of snow we just had, which by the way is pretty minimal yet the city was in shut down mode. Seriously 15 mm or about an inch and half of snow and buses shut down for the morning, schools were closed, the international airport had major delays, and even one of the sky trains had to stop for a few hours because there was too much ice and nobody seemed to know how to remove it.........BUT THAT'S NOT WHY I'M PISSED. Frankly I found all of that rather funny given that most of Canada has between 4 to 6 months of retarded fucking cold winters that make you pray for global warming.

What really pissed me the fuck off was this one story about this ass clown over on Vancouver island. Some 20 year old shit smear decided it would be a great idea even though the roads were icy and shit to do about 205 km/h that's almost double the speed limit on the island highway in good weather. And his excuse.....because he wanted to beat the oncoming snow.....WHAT A LOAD OF SHIT. The police couldn't even pursue this guy because the road conditions were too crappy for them and it would put the public in more danger, so they had to set up a road block to stop the guy. But you know what part of this really got on my nerves, it was the fact that this guy basically got a slap on the wrist. His punishment for putting dozens of peoples lives in danger was a $468 dollar fine, and the car he was driving WHICH WASN'T EVEN HIS was impounded for 7 days. Now they might be able in court to have the car removed from the owner and sold at an auction for charity but still what a load of shit.

If I gave some fucking psycho a gun and a handful of bullets and that fucker went on a shooting spree and killed some people I would go to jail for helping him. Sure I didn't actually kill anyone and wasn't there, but it would still be my gun. So why the fuck is this any different? Thankfully he didn't kill anyone but he could have very easily, and on that same highway 10 minutes after he was caught another car which was very similar even in color hit a logging truck and two people died, and they were obeying the speed limit. And yet this shit head walks away with a small fine.

If he had killed someone I guarantee you he wouldn't have been charged with murder, the ass clown who lent him the car who is probably as big of a fucking douche bag as the driver is would probably receive no punishment either. Personally I think both of these idiots should be dragged through the streets and beaten until some fucking sense is in them, and given that assholes actions, that could be a long fucking time.

Random Hottie Of This Post

Ivanka Trump

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When The Snow Falls The Bitches Will Whine

Last night we had our first snowfall, a whole two maybe three centimeters. How big is that, well it takes 2.5 centimeters to make an inch so three of these is about an inch and a half....and who says you can't learn any useful shit here.

Now even though that snow is melting as I type this out, people out here are acting like it's a fucking Arctic tundra. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? I understand there are those who live here who have come from warmer parts of the planet where the only snow they get is in their freezer, so they get a pass from my wraith, but to the locals either born here or from Canada WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS MICKEY MOUSE SHIT? Seriously they call the Canada the "Great White North" for a fucking reason, because a lot of the time our winters suck big floppy donkey dick. At this time of year a good deal of the country gets a good dumping of snow and cold temperatures, how cold well if you live in the prairies like I did for ten years it can drop from -25 to -45 before windchill (that's in Celsius) That's not always the case but it does happen. Fuck I've even seen warnings on the news telling us exposed skin would freeze in two to three minutes.

That's not the case here in Vancouver or the surrounding lower mainland, here it's pretty much green all year round, I've even seen fuckers mow the grass a week before Christmas. But yet now that there is a dusting of snow fuckers are all huddled up in thick parkas, gloves and acting like little wimpy bitches. For fucks sake fuckers there are still fuckers fucking running around in their fucking running shorts and you fucks are fucking acting all fucking wimpy SUCK IT THE FUCK UP PRINCESSES........fuck.

But seriously people it's not that cold outside, you don't need a parka, you don't need that thick scarf wrapped around you're face like you're a ninja (ninjas are cool by the way) and you don't need massive winter boots like you're exploring the Arctic circle looking for Yeti. Anything more then a light jacket or a fleece pullover and you're just being a sissy bitch, and really we have enough sissy bitches out there so grow a fucking set of nuts would ya.

On a completely different note I want to thank Gnetch for bestowing me with the Chupacabra Award of Excellence (or however the fuck it's spelt) award. Go check her blog out ................ NOW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!http://thankgoodnessforthegoodones.blogspot.com/.

That is all

Random Hottie Of This Post

Padma Lakshmi

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Grocery Store Nightmare

I FUCKING HATE SHOPPING. Yeah I said it I fucking hate it, I can't stand the lines, the screaming out of control kids and their vacant starring parents who are off in la la land. The aggressive little ole grannies who ran their carts into you're shins because they are in dire need of that TV dinner before Matlock comes on.......THE FUCKING SHOW HAS BEEN IN SYNDICATION FOR OVER A DECADE YOU OLD BITCH I'M PRETTY SURE YOU'RE NOT GOING TO MISS MUCH. Besides you'll probably just forget about it in five minutes anyway.
 
Now you may notice I'm a little more angry and bitter then usual in this post compared to my usual self, and that's because an image was burned into my soul today while grocery shopping at the nearest Safeway. An image of horror AND I'VE SEEN SOME SCARY ASS SHIT IN MY LIFE THUS FAR. Apart from the usual ass wranglers who I have to deal with when I go grocery shopping was this one fucker who was in front of me while I was in line to pay for my groceries that I spent forever trying to find because I didn't have the slightest fucking clue as to where anything was.

That image was of this old fucker in skin tight super short daisy duke shorts THAT WERE FUCKING WHITE, white like a damn 81 Trans Am rockin out to White Snake kinda white. Now I do not, I repeat DO NOT give a shit how fucking fabulous you're legs might be.............DUDES DO NOT WEAR TIGHT DENIM SHORTS. Oh and they do not bend over and expose their hairy ass crack to me while picking up change, the least you could have done you asshole is walk away........just walk away. The only dudes that wear these kind of shorts are usually out trolling for trouser snake and this dude was straight, why because his wife was right in front of him helping him unload the cart.

Now maybe this guy like many are caught in a time warp, perhaps his tiny little brain can't fathom the fact that it is not the year 1984 and that the Dukes of Hazzard isn't the number one TV show (though it's way fucking better then the garbage they call TV these days with all the reality shit) But even if he is WHERE THE FUCK IS HIS WIFE TO SLAP SOME SENSE INTO THIS FUCKER, is she challenged too? Was she drunk? Is she into that sort of shit? If that's the case, keep it in the bedroom you wrinkly fucks.

I do not need to see this shit, I have enough nightmares as it is, so please for the love of whatever god you believe in DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE UNLESS YOU'RE DRESSED NORMALLY. If I see another fucking dude in white daisy dukes I will stop what I'm doing no matter what it is, walk over and skull fuck you with some sort of blunt object......perhaps a spoon because it hurts more.

Now please excuse me while I crawl under my desk and cry.

Random Hottie Of This Post

Alyson Hannigan

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Terminator Drop The Bombshell

Time once again for a brand new video. This one is my latest tribute video to one of my favorite series of movies The Terminator. There's something about killer robots run amok hell bent on destroying humanity after they nuke the shit out of us with our own nukes that just feels so right.

For this video I wanted to try something a little different from my last video ( Zombie Strippers ) I wanted to do something a lot faster and more chaotic. Anyways I hope you enjoy the video, and let me know what you think of it.



Random Hottie Of This Post

Femke Janssen

Word Mashing

It seems like everything is speeding up, I dunno perhaps it's old age setting in for me and I'm too fucking slow to keep up ( I did notice some of the hair on my chin is now grey.....on my chin of all places what the fuck is this mickey mouse shit? )  Anyways because things seem to be speeding up the attention spans of people are getting shorter. So short in fact that I've noticed more and more that people are combining words to form new ones to save that whole precious millisecond of time that they could have used for something else. Perhaps they want to squeeze an extra little sip of whatever the fuck it is their drinking, or perhaps they noticed some hot girl across the room with big boobies and they want that extra millisecond to undress them with their eyes ( can't say I blame them for that one )

So I thought I'd share some of these mash up's that I've heard around here, starting with the annoying ones

1. Chillax (chill + relax)

Easily one of the most irritating things a human being can say to another human or human like being. Seriously it sounds like some kind of medication to relieve constipation. "Here Timmy take some Chillax and you'll be shitting buckets in an hour". Chillax may relieve constipation in only some patients. Side effects may include dizziness, dry mouth, ulcers, burning pee, brain damage, cancer, zombies, ass hair, and the urge to act like a complete fucking ass clown. Consult you're family doctor or the guy selling it illegally from a van before using it. If some ass nugget tells me to chillax I will punch them in the eye.

2. Swhore (slut + whore)

Really it's not bad enough to call someone either one of these terms but you have to combine them. True you get points for using you're imagination, but for fucks sake this one just sounds stupid.

3. Swass (sweaty + ass)

Okay this one could serve a practical purpose. Say if you will that you're at a fine dining establishment and you don't want to announce to the world that you're ass is sweaty.......I mean nobody likes a sweaty ass after all. Plus using swass has a semi sophisticated manner to it, by sophisticated I mean it's like changing the channel from Jerry Springer to Maury Povich for one of his "You're not the father" episodes. You know the one where someone who slept with an entire football team is accusing one guy of being the dad. And the DNA results are in and YOU'RE NOT THE FATHER. At which point the guy does a touch down dance and shouts " I told you so " while the woman starts crying...........yeah isn't T.V great.

4. Radtastic (radical + fantastic)

Does anyone actually use this one anymore who isn't stuck in 1994?

5. Refuckulate (recalculate + fuck)

I love this word even though it's technically not a word........YET. Frankly it should be, and whatever cock knockers over at Webster's dictionary disagree with me seriously need to refuckulate their way of thinking. I even love how this word rolls off the tongue like a fine French wine outside of Paris.

That's all for now anymore and it would be considered effort

Random Hottie Of This Post

Lucy Liu

Yeah I know she was the random hottie of the last post, but c,mon it's Lucy Fucking Liu. Not to mention she's in tight tight leather, heels and firing a flamethrower. Do I really need to explain why this picture is here?

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By the way check out this persons Youtube channel at http://www.youtube.com/user/6castor6 they have some really good videos there.

Hello Kitty Bitches

I have a confession....I'm all for the Asian persuasion. I don't know what it is, perhaps it started when I saw my first movie that had Lucy Liu in it (I think it was City of Industry and she had a small part as a stripper) Or in high school with all the hot Asian girls walking around doing their thing. Either way and ever since I have been hooked (Fuck even my ex wife is Chinese).

But there is one group of Asian women that really piss me the fuck off and that's HELLO KITTY BITCHES. Now what's a hello kitty bitch you ask? The term comes from my ex and is defined a little something like this.

Hello Kitty Bitch:

A bitch who happens to be Asian, who dresses like she's Sailor Fucking Moon. Who giggles like a 12 year old who's between 18 and 45, can't give you a straight answer, and in general appears to a be a brain dead annoying, immature, and in general someone you won't think twice about hitting with a car.

Now I totally understand there are cultural differences between North America and it's Pacific Rim neighbours, and being in a city that has a very large Asian population I see this everyday (They don't call Vancouver Hongcouver for nothing fuckers) But fuck these bitches are annoying as fucking hell. Is it so fucking hard to act you're age and not you're shoe size? Is it so fucking hard to look me in the eye if I ask you a simple fucking question without giggling like a fucking raging moron? Can you not engage others in a meaningful conversation and SPEAK YOU'RE FUCKING OPINION without this beat around the bush bullshit? And can you not huddle in the middle of the fucking way while giggling like said raging fucking moron when others are trying to get around you............and don't give me this shit that you didn't see those people trying to walk around you're vacant starring asses.

My tolerance for stupid annoying fucktards is reaching record lows here people, and what makes it worse is that their Asian and on average attractive, it's like a catch 22 here. FFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK............now I'm sad :(

 My head hurts and I need to poop

Random Hottie Of This Post

Lucy Liu

(Who else was I going to pick your mom?)

And if that picture wasn't enough for you

You Might Be A Douche Bag If.......

Douche bags, these fuckers are everywhere. From the grocery store to that run down adult video store where Carlos sells crack beside the dumpster in the alley (Carlos wanted me to tell you that on Tuesdays if you spend 100 dollars you get a 10 dollar gift coupon) Some of these fucking douche bags don't even realize that they are douche bags, and that is truly scary. So I thought I would put together a list of tell tale signs that either someone you know is a douche bag. Remember there is no cure for being a douche bag other then a swift back handed bitch slap (Repeat twice a day or as many times as required. You can also hit them in the face with a dirty sock full of pennies)

The Urban Dictionary defines a douche bag as :

Someone who has surpassed the levels of jerk and asshole, however not yet reached fucker or motherfucker.

An example would be :

Rob:He kept hitting on my girlfriend at the party, he just wouldn't leave her alone!!



Sam: God, what a douche bag
 
Here are some of the signs :
 
If you think yelling above everyone else about how much money you have, or that you just made some big fucking financial deal makes you look like an all star YOU ARE A DOUCHE BAG.

If you're walking down the street and think it would be the fucking greatest idea in the worked to hork up snot and spit it on the ground right in front of someone YOU ARE A DOUCHE BAG.

If you go into a building and instead of holding the door open for the person behind you FOR A WHOLE TWO FUCKING SECONDS, but instead let it slam in their face YOU ARE A DOUCHE BAG COCK JAWS.

If you're one of those tweeny teenage fuck sticks who insist on giggling, throwing popcorn or in general being a loud mouthed little shit smear when people who used their own money NOT MOMMY AND DADDY'S to pay to watch that movie YOU ARE MOST CERTAINLY A DOUCHE BAG.

If you're too fucking lazy to use a turn signal but instead just cut everyone off and then wonder why somebody is flipping you off YOU ARE A STUPID DOUCHE BAG.

If you think it's a great idea to get drunk at you're buddies place and try to grab everyone's wife and girlfriends ass, you not only deserve a severe ass kicking YOU ARE ALSO A DOUCHE BAG.

If you're one of those lazy little shits who can't be bothered to pick up after you're dog who just left a nice fresh steamer in the middle of the sidewalk YOU ARE A DOUCHE BAG.

If you're the type of person who never shuts up about themselves and thinks their the greatest human being in the entire history of the fucking universe YOU ARE A DOUCHE BAG.

If you're the type of person who fucks another person in the ass and doesn't have the God damn common courtesy to give them a reach around YOU ARE A FUCKING DOUCHE BAG.

If you're the type of person who owns a monster sized fucking Doge Hemi quad cab, extra long box, no muffler, flames shooting off the side, sticker of Kalvin pissing on a Ford logo, and plastic balls dangling from the rear axle of you're truck to make up for you're shortfalls. And you drive that monster sized Doge Hemi like a fucking moron, and act like the road is you're personal fucking race track, and have no fucking respect for the thousands of other drivers, pedestrians, or anyone else on or near the road YUP YOU GUESSED IT YOU ARE A FUCKING DOUCHE BAG.

 If you're one of those educated fucks who think that because you went to some fancy ass school that you're automatically better then anyone YOU ARE A DOUCHE BAG.

If you're from Toronto and not only think it's the center of the universe but think their hockey team the Toronto Maple Leafs are the greatest hockey team in the fucking universe FUCK I HATE YOU AND YES YOU ARE INDEED A DOUCHE BAG.

If you're too fucking lazy to get off your ass and make that sandwich you're fat ass is craving, but instead yell at you're significant other to make it for you YOU ARE A DOUCHE BAG.

And last but not least :

If you are a puke piece of dog shit who insists on being as rude as humanly possible to others because you're life is a sad never ending misery parade and you secretly pray each day for death YOU ARE A DOUCHE BAG.

Hope that clarified it for you, now you to can spot a douche bag.

Random Hottie Of This Post

Natalie Dormer

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Did I Hassle The Hoff ???????????

I've mentioned this a post or two ago that my videos recently have all been banned in Germany. Ever since I started using Adobe instead of Windows movie maker all but one video has been completely banned in the Fatherland, for this I can only think of one logical reason.........I PISSED OFF THE HOFF.

To those of you younger ones who have no idea who I speak of I'm talking about David Fucking Hasselhoff, the guy who wore the wrangler jeans and big hair in the original Knight Rider series (The one with the talking car that wasn't Val Kilmer.......what a douche bag.) He was the guy with the hairy chest who was the mans man on Baywatch, the same show that made fellow canuck Pamela Hugetits Anderson (The one who sparked the whole celebrity sex tape thing). And in more recent history a former judge of America's Got Talent and has countless video's on YouTube of his drunken ramblings and eating floor burgers......mmmmm floor burger.

So to you Mr. Hasselhoff WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS MICKEY MOUSE SHIT? I don't get it why the hate? When have I bashed you, I don't think I've ever bashed you? I mean fuck dude I grew up on Knight Rider, and yeah I'll admit I watched the occasional episode of Baywatch......sure it was for the intro to watch the bouncing boobies, but hey what guy didn't get a kick out of that? Is it because you're singing sounds like a cat being raped by a chainsaw.....I can't help that you're music sucks and I think you even know that. I mean fuck I even had family fight for the Germans in World War 2 that shit has to count for something....right?

But I'm not the kind of guy to beg or plead, that's just not what I do, and if that's what you're hoping to hear to lift the ban you can get fucked. You may be " The Hoff " but I will fuck you up faster then a choir boy in prison who dropped the soap in the shower and has to run the gauntlet through the Aryan brotherhood. So lighten the fuck up and let the good German folk watch my videos.

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Diane Kruger

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And Because it had to be shown.......you know you want to see it.

Zombie Strippers Porn Star Dancing

What do you get when you combine bad acting, the guy who played Freddy Kruger, a porn star, and the walking dead. Well you get one of the cheesiest zombie movies of all time, I movie so bad it's actually pretty fucking good. Yes I'm talking about Zombie Strippers which is what my latest video is to. I wanted to do something a little more twisted and funny for this video.

And yet again for reasons I don't get this video like my last one is currently banned in Germany, I swear The Hoff must be really pissed at me, I'm not exactly sure what I did to piss him off? Perhaps I should have responded quicker to the birthday card, maybe I should have accepted that cheese platter he wanted to give me, either way I don't get it. But getting back on topic I hope you enjoy the video and let me know what you think of it.



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Jenna Jameson

Fuck You Friday And A New Award

Before I start this week's FUCK YOU FRIDAY I want to give a special shout out to Kelly and his blog Psycho Carnival for giving me the Lol Award, check out his blog if you're into funny twisted shit. If you're into lawn bowling or perhaps garden gnomes then this is not for you and you should promptly seek out someone to bitch slap you in the face until their hand hurts. Also being in the spirit of sharing I wanted to pass this nifty little nugget of an award to two blogs that I think are funnier then a moose dry humping a tourist, they are

Max Evel and his Underworld blog and the Dutchess of Dorkville and her drunken bathtub antics.

Now with all that taken care of here are my fuck yous for this week..........enjoy.

FUCK YOU to the asshole in the black BMW who almost ran me over AGAIN at the intersection of West Georgia and Denman Street. Really you can't drive without trying to send a fucking text message at the same time? And what the hell is with you turds in you're black BMW sports cars driving like giant douche bags....can somebody tell me what the fuck is going on, because it seems that every other day some ass clown in one of these cars wants to turn my ass into a hood ornament.

FUCK YOU to the senile old fucker who stopped in the middle of the parking lot and stared out into the great beyond while me and at least a half other people were either trying to enter or leave that parking lot. Stare all you want asshole you're not going to understand the universe any more then the rest of the talking fucking chimps on this little planet. How about you do us all a giant fucking favour AND PARK YOU'RE FUCKING CAR.

FUCK YOU to the greasy homeless hippie motherfucker who thought I was his personnel ATM. Really you looked younger then me, I'm not saying I'm old but fuck dude you're like what 18? First off why the fuck are you begging for change, you're not crippled, strung out on drugs, or have some kind of mental handicap other then being a complete fucking lazy ass. If you need money that fucking bad (which I'm sure you do because you smelt like piss and olives) the McDonald's just down the street is hiring. Who knows maybe you'll be promoted to the guy who operates the soft ice cream machine and you'll get to eat all the expired fish sandwiches. But don't come to me expecting a hand out, the only people I give hand outs to are the veterans selling poppy's for Remembrance day, or the guys with the bells looking for donations for the Salvation Army. And since you're neither of those FUCK OFF.

FUCK YOU to the creepy smelly fucker who ran up wanting to pet my dog. Do you honestly think I'm going to let some guy who smells like he shit himself touch my dog......FUCK THAT. My dog sleeps on my bed asshole and I don't want him to smell you.

FUCK YOU to the wobbly step ladder I was using to clean my windows. It's a long drop down those 12 stories onto the pavement and thanks to you're shitty made in whatever backward butt fuck third world country I dam near kissed that road. On the bright side I have been perfecting my swan dive technique.

FUCK YOU to Gordon Campbell B.C.'s now former premiere. Thank the gods you stepped down you are a joke, oh and thanks for forcing us to now pay the new HST (harmonized sales tax) A tax I might add is not only messed up on paper but has almost zero support from taxpayers, business, and a good deal of those in the government, yet you rammed this shit down our throats. Thank you for continuing the long standing tradition of fucking the province over and making it just that much harder for honest people to live here without having to work two or more jobs, and for making it more undesirable for business to establish themselves here. Awesome job douche bag, I personally love how you are now the most hated Canadian politician since Canada became a country, pat yourself on the back for that one.

FUCK YOU to those little green alien bastards. Why the fuck have you not come down to beam me up to take me to you're home world and declare me you're new leader. Do I have to send you a fucking resume too assholes...........and do you even have email? I mean yeah sure you invented interplanetary space travel, but you don't even have an x-box, I've heard all you have is fucking table tennis and checkers. WHO THE FUCK PLAYS CHECKERS THESE DAYS? 

And that's all I have to say on that.

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And Now For Something Useful

If you use a wireless router like me it can be a royal pain in the ass when you get a shitty signal. Recently I had to move my computer to another room and now have 4 walls and a bookcase in between me and a decent signal. So I started trying some stuff out to help boost the signal, cause 8 percent to too fucking slow.....were talking watching old people fuck kinda slow, which is extremely painful in case you've never seen this.

Here are a couple videos of some things I've found that ACTUALLY WORK to help boost you're signal and they cost nothing other then some arts and crafts time (don't eat the fucking paste)



Some points I want to make with using a pop or beer can for you're antenna, when I did this I went from 8 to about 20 percent signal strength. Also because my antenna in on a long usb cable I found I got a slightly stronger signal if you put the pop can on it's side facing you're router (about 2 to 4 percent)

This next one is something you can do to you're routers antenna



Using both of these I have a signal strength of just over 50 percent, not as fast as it used to be but still pretty dam fast. This is especially important if you're searching the net looking for midget clown porn.......not that I've ever looked for midget clown porn. Now this might or might not work for you, but if you have a wireless connection hopefully this might help you out if you're connection sucks big floppy donkey dick.

That is all

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What The Fuck Is This Mickey Mouse Shit

A couple of days ago I was watching the news. Over on Vancouver island just outside of Victoria a couple workers clearing brush near the highway discovered a live M-72 rocket launcher. Now I thought the smart thing to do if you find something that could potentially kill you and you know jack shit about how to operate it was to leave it the fuck alone and call someone who does ie the police. Apparently these two didn't get that memo and proceeded to play around with the launcher like a fat and fatter version of Rambo.

Now for you none military types you probably have no clue as to what I'm talking about (aren't you glad I am and I can tell you about all this kind of stuff). An M-72 is a one shot disposable rocket launcher, this means that when these are used in combat the missile is already pre-loaded inside the tube, all you have to do is pull it open to arm, aim and fire..........of course you want to make sure nobody is behind you for about 30 meters or else they get to spend the rest of their days being called BBQ face. You also don't want any large objects such as a car or large rock directly behind you........this can really ruin you're fucking day.

This is just the latest little bit of stupid shit I've seen in the last couple of days, and it leaves me wondering "Are people getting stupider?" I mean fuck, these two ass clowns should have known not to fuck with a live weapon that they've only seen in video games and Vietnam war movies, but no they have to fuck with it like dumb asses. What would have happened if it misfired......sure as shit somebody would have gotten hurt or killed, and for what because fatty wanted to play soldier?

Fast forward to today, I recently got a new coffee maker. I get home to install it and look at the directions in case there was some technically mumbo fucking jumbo like having to install the warp coil or flux capacitor or decipher ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics like when I have to program a T.V.

What I got instead was a little booklet with nice little pictures give me directions on how to not only open the box, but on how to remove said coffee maker from the box. Then how to remove the tape covering the open moving parts...................ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME DO I LOOK LIKE SOME TURD WITH DOWN SYNDROME? I'm pretty sure that in order to take an object out of the box you do it the same was as you would the last 50 fucking thousand other boxes that I've opened. Not to mention these fabulously brain dead instructions were at the bottom of the box below the coffee maker, this means that the stupid fucker who can't figure it out is screwed. I'd hate to see that poor bastard in a position of power......oh wait their called politicians silly me.

Next I start to cut the tags of the new dog bed i got for my 20 pound fluff ball that things it's a rottweiler. Apart form the normal cleaning instructions in bold print was "Not to be used by children as a bed" Huh are you fucking kidding me? What piece of shit parent uses a dog bed for their kids bed, I can picture it now some trailer in the back 40 of butt fuck nowhere where cousins are potential dates. Billy Ray comes home from the road kill collection factory (his shed) "Lookie here ma, little Timmy don't have to sleep on dat dirt floor nomore no siry we gots him a dog bed. Now he can sleep like them edumacated folk. Fucking outstanding.

Maybe I'm just that extra little bit of annoyed with the human race today but it seems that we as a species are getting stupider by the minute. Please someone tell me I'm wrong and that I just need a nap and a sandwich.

But I'm not bitter

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Mad Max My Darkest Days

What sounds better then roaming the post nuclear wasteland in a beat up 1973 Ford Falcon, eat dog food straight from the can, and get chased around the Australian wasteland by guys wearing hockey masks.....personally I can't think of one fucking thing. Okay that's not really true, perhaps having Lucy Liu as my personal sex slave, or ruling the world with an iron fist would be nice, shit I'll even settle for my own island in the south pacific, but all that aside roaming the wasteland in the last of the V8 interceptors is pretty fucking dandy.

Now in case you have no fucking clue as to what I'm talking about my latest little video creation is focused on my favorite series of movies MAD MAX. Notice I didn't call it a trilogy, I always thought the third movie was it's own stand alone movie due to the fact that it doesn't really tie in that well with the others.....not to mention an almost complete lack of driving stuff until the end of the movie (It's still awesome though just not as awesome as The Road Warrior)

Anyways getting back on topic here I hope you enjoy the video, and like my other ones if you have any suggestions or even ideas for future videos that you would think would like to see let me know....because knowing is half the battle or some shit like that. And before I forget one final note, for some reason all my videos have been banned in Germany lately, not sure why, guess I pissed off the Hoff or something.



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A Couple Ghost Stories

Happy Halloween Everyone. For this post, being my favorite time of year I wanted to share with you some real ghost stories with you that happened to me. I've been lucky or unlucky depending on how you look at it to have had numerous encounters, I guess I'm just one of those fuckers who see dead people like that creepy little kid in that movie......you know the one directed by that guy about that dead guy who doesn't know he's a dead guy so by default he's scaring the shit out of some already traumatized kid because he thinks he's the kids counsellor. Anyways here we go.

MY FIRST GHOST ENCOUNTER

The first encounter I ever had with the spirit world was when I was a little kid (sometime between 5 or 6). We lived on a small island east of Vancouver island in an old house on top of a hill. The story goes that the original owner was a world war 2 veteran who returned from war to discover that his wife not only had an affair when he was gone, but had a child with the guy. Nobody knew what happened to her afterwards, she simply vanished, the vet raised the child as his own.

Just before I was born some water pipes in the basement broke in the only part of the basement that still had a dirt floor. When my father (by the way the guy was an evil asshole but that's another story) dug down into the dirt he discovered a long wooden box. Upon opening the box he discovered human remains. Now instead of doing the right thing and calling the police he simply and for reasons I don't know to this day he simply buried it back up.

But it was only after I was born that things started to happen. At first it would be things like strange noises upstairs when no one was upstairs. Then doors would lock or open on their own, pillows and other objects would start to fly across the room both when people were in those rooms and not. I remember one occasion having a large pillow from the living room fly on it's own into the kitchen and hit me. Later on footprints would appear on the ceiling starting above the entrance of the basement and going into the bathroom, there would always be two sets, one's a woman's shoe like a high heel, the other a heavy work boot type shoe. The creepiest thing that happened was when my mother would be woken up by me talking in the middle of the night, she would come into my room only to find me sitting up in bed talking to the wall. When she asked me what I was doing I told her that I was talking to the nice dead lady in the corner.

She wasn't always nice though. The spot where her body was no one ever ventured into, there was an overwhelming sense of terror that you would feel as soon as you crossed that invisible line into that corner of the basement. I remember my brand new tricycle rolling into that spot and being too scared shitless to go after it. The last time I was in that house was when I was about 14 and the bike was still in that spot, even my so called father who didn't believe in ghosts would never set foot in there.

As for my father I haven't spoken to him in almost 20 years, as far as I know he still lives in the house, and still hasn't done anything about the body in the basement. I've tried to get something done about it, but without proof nothing will happen.

GHOST ATTACK

A few years ago I was dating this woman who lived about an hour outside of Edmonton, Alberta (Canada for you guys who don't know what country I'm talking about). There was always strange things happening in that house that both me and her saw all the time. We heard voices coming from inside the walls. Strange orb like lights would float along the walls, and strange cold spots would happen instantly and always in different parts of the house.

One night in particular I was staying over for the weekend. We were getting ready for bed and the whole night I felt like I was being watched, I always felt like I was being watched but on this particular it felt stronger and more sinister. We crawled into bed and hadn't been there for more then a couple minutes when I felt a weight being pressed down around my torso, it felt like a person was sitting on my chest. It started to become hard to breath and I couldn't move. Suddenly I felt a pair of hands grab my throat and start choking me. I gagged and fought for air but couldn't move, I couldn't speak or shout out but I was able to make enough noise to wake my ex girlfriend up. She grabbed my shoulders and shook me, when she did the weight and the hands went away. As I tried to regain my breath and figure out what the hell just happened I looked into the hallway to see a black figure standing in the doorway tapping it's fingers on the side of the wall. It then slide behind the wall, the whole time keeping it's fingers tapping the wall and watching me, after a few moments it vanished and I no longer felt the sinister being watched feeling.

But what really freaked me out was when I went to the bathroom right after. Looking at my reflection in the mirror I saw red finger marks on my throat. The finger marks were too narrow and long to belong to my ex girlfriend, and the angle would have been impossible for me to do to myself.

That's just a couple of dozens of ghostly encounters I've had.................SO FAR.

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Halloween Zombie Survival Tips

Being that Halloween is close by I thought I would touch on another Halloween type topic....ZOMBIES. Yeah I'm getting a little fucking sick of all these forums, and "experts" talking about zombie survival who have no idea what the hell their talking about. More often then not it's some snot nosed little shit who thinks that just because they played Left 4 Dead their the be all end all zombie killing expert.....keep dreaming sunshine.

So I thought in this post I would shed some reality into the whole zombie survival thingy. And being that I spent more then two minutes in the army, I might know a thing or two about dealing with the shit hitting that proverbial fan.

Fantasy Weapon List

I've seen wave after wave of kids talking out their ass about how if the zombies came they would get (insert fancy ass fucking gun here) and blow away some brain eaters.

The reality is that 1. Those guns are going to be in the hands of a select few such as the military or gun enthusiasts (depending on country and local laws of course) and unless a truck full of guns happens to be dumped on you're front lawn, you're not going to get ahold of that fancy fucking sniper rifle, or machine gun or whatever the fuck you want Santa to bring you for the zombie apocalypse. Also being that most of us in the developed world live in urban areas items such as shovels, crowbars, or other blunt objects that could be used as a weapon may be in short supply.......in short you're probably just going to end up as a fucking snack asshole :)

Wannabe Badass

Second to wanting fantasy guns are little ass nuggets who think their stone cold killers. The reality is if a horde of zombies is moving in on you're position YOU'RE GOING TO SHIT YOU'RE LITTLE PINK PANTIES. I guarantee that most of these kids never shot a weapon in anger or on a range, and if they get their hands on a gun their going to be shaking like a leaf. They won't know shit about adopting a firing position, concentrating their breathing, nor have the necessary training in general to be a decent shot. Also video games don't teach you things such as dealing with weapon jams and stoppages, the weight of the weapon itself, or the recoil when that weapon fires. And depending on the type of weapon it could be a little push like that of a 22. caliber rifle, or a massive kick like a shotgun :)

Drop That Burger Fat Ass

Now I'm not Mr. fucking universe, but I'm in decent shape....good enough shape to either run from or to trouble and give it a good ass kicking. How many little chubby fuckers do you know that can eat a bowl of soup without needing oxygen let alone fight? Since our population is getting fatter this means more and more people won't be physically fit enough to fend off or escape a zombie. And if you're sucking wind out through you're ass and you're dizzy from exhaustion, how the fuck are you going to shoot effectively if you have a gun? Yeah not fucking likely you're going to hit Moby Dick with a rocket launcher at 50 let alone a zombie.....so you're basically fucked :)

Oh by the way when I talk about fatty's I'm not talking about those who are a little plump or a bit of a beer gut, I'm talking about those fuckers who can't put down their gut wrenches.

The Emotional Factor

Not many people can turn off their emotions, and those that can usually pay a price for that ability. So the average Joe Bloggins who works 9 to 5 and the most traumatic thing that happened to them is that they missed the all you can eat buffet at the local diner are in for a huge fucking surprise. I guran-fucking-tee most will emotionally break down when their mom, sister, boyfriend, best bud are a brain munching zombie looking to use their skull as a bowl. Some will break down so badly they'll go into shock and be able to function even at a basic level, these people will more then likely be snacks for the horde. Others will go off the deep end and just fucking loose it, going after anyone and everything regardless if it has a heartbeat or not. Chances are you're probably fucked :)

Now some of you are probably wondering thinking this "So what the fuck are you gong to do princess?" The answer is simple GET THE FUCK OUT OF DODGE. Being that I live in a city full or rich retired assholes, pretentious stuck up business type assholes, and snotty bitchy women who are more obsessed with looks and money rather then common sense that this town would be fucked faster then a new fish in prison. Also being that there is a serious shortage of firearms unless I'm lucky to get one from a dead cop or naval reservist, I'll be for the most part unarmed. Do you really think I would be that stupid to stick around when there could potentially be 2.3 million zombies surrounding me................in the words of a wise man FUCK THAT SHIT. Unless I have the arms, ammo, and food I'm getting out of the city as fast as I can and going to where there is hardly anyone which is either the mountains or the ocean.

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Why you ask, why the fuck not..... besides she begged pleaded, and then eventually told me that if I didn't she would hunt me down and set me on fire, now who can argue with that.

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Halloween Survival Tips

Being that Halloween is just around the corner I feel it's important to share some helpful tips to make this Halloween a safe and fun one for everyone.

1. DO NOT DRY HUMP THE ZOMBIES

Zombies may be the walking dead but they have feelings to........well maybe nobody really knows, it's hard to tell with their vacant stares and groaning. Besides you don't know where they've been.

2.  DO NOT ACCEPT CANDY FROM STRANGERS

Unless of course they are in a clear plastic bag, you don't want some hobo's greasy hands sweating up all over the candy. This is especially true of chocolate.

3.  IF BEING CHASED BY A CRAZY KNIFE WIELDING PSYCHO DON'T RUN UP THE FUCKING STAIRS

Really have you not seen any horror movies where the dumb blond with big boobs decides to make a run for it by going upstairs to hide in the bathroom only to be cut to little pieces with an axe. Not fucking smart, instead go in the basement instead cause nothing bad ever happens in a basement. Besides running up all those stairs means you'll just die tired.

4. DON'T SACRIFICE ANY VIRGINS TO THE DARK LORD

Unless you're knife is razor sharp, also make sure that you pronounce you're chanting right. You're sacrificing a virgin to the dark lord, not turning you're poker buddy into a giant furry chicken. I also have to point out that the dark lord is really disappointed from last years sacrifices from the lack of "actual" virgins. Seriously people do you're fucking homework, is it so fucking hard to get them to fill out a simple questionnaire. You don't want to piss off the dark lord.

5. DO NOT GO INTO THE WOODS ALONE

Bring a chubby kid with you, they don't run as fast. If the axe wielding psycho who just finished chopping the dumb blond mentioned before into human firewood decides to show up to turn you're head into a canoe. This way you can escape and as for the chubby kid..........well he should have fucking put the donuts down now shouldn't he. Seriously all that sugar and crap is just going to give you a heart attack.

6. IF YOU'RE A TWENTY SOMETHING PRETENDING TO BE A TEENAGER DO NOT RUN ANYONE OVER AFTER A WILD NIGHT OF PARTYING

We all know that you're shitty driving skills won't kill the poor sap (entirely at least) which means there going to come back looking for revenge. This also means that you're going to get hacked up with either a meat hook, meat cleaver, or some kind of sharp object with the word meat in it, either way it's not going to be pretty.

7.  REMEMBER SILVER BULLETS KILL WEREWOLVES AND WOODEN STAKES KILL VAMPIRES

Don't be a fucktard and mix this up. Oh and on a side not if you have to deal with one of those sparkly gay Twilight vampires slap the bitch in the face.

8. REMEMBER TO CHECK YOU'RE AMMO

If you find yourself locked in a house with a horde of zombies trying to beat down you're door make sure you have enough ammunition to get the job done.

9. IF YOU'RE GOING TO EAT SOMEONES LIVER REMEMBER TO EAT IT WITH SOME FAVA BEANS AND A NICE CHIANTI 

10. IF YOU'RE BUDDY IS POSSESSED BY DEMONS REMEMBER TO BRING AN OLD PRIEST AND A YOUNG PRIEST

I don't really know why but it sounds like a good idea

(Disclaimer: the above words of wisdom won't guarantee you're ass won't get cut, possessed, or eaten alive. So if the shit hits the fan, don't blame me) 

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